Really, unreasonably upset by MIL's Xmas present to me

[theSuburbanDryad]

I am pg with dc2, and MIL (for some mad reason) thought that a tin of powdered infant formula and a load of bottles would be a really nice Xmas present for me. Bearing in mind that a) I breastfed ds until he was 21 months and b) Powdered infant formula isn't suitable for babies under 12 weeks anyway, I'm struggling to see what she was trying to achieve with this "gift", other than trying to totally undermine my feeding choices. She specifically told me not to open it until I got home, which suggests she knew how upset I would be by it.

She's very anti-breastfeeding, and was utterly repulsed by my plan to tandem nurse. She keeps telling me to put ds onto formula (even though he's nearly 2! ) and every time he gets a slight sniffle she tries to claim it's because I've somehow managed to pass it on through my breastmilk (even though we're not feeding anymore!) - I've given up trying to explain how it works.

There's no point trying to talk to her about this, so poor old dh has borne the brunt of my ire - but i'm still really upset over it, irrationally so. I need to get over this!

What a cow . Honestly some MIL's are just loons I thought I was the only one who had a mad one until I started posting here.

I would send it her back and tell her you wont be needing it so she should try and get her money back .

phone your MW and ask if she knows of anyone who could use it. Give it away and try to put mad MIL out of your mind..

Don't try to talk to her about it - just ignore her

ffs! You have every reason to be upset imo, its just a dig.
Buuuuut, let it go if you can. Let her be petty, let her be repulsed. You have better things to focus on.

seems a shite present tbh, and I would prob ask for the receipt to take it back Stick to your guns.

My MIL whilst sort of against bf, never said one word to me and would never ever buy me anything as crap as that

BTW totally irrelevant to the point, but why cant you not feed powdered formula to under 12 week babies? I am pretty sure its from birth [sadly}

She's an ignorant tw*t.

Just let it go, it's not worth it.

What a horrible thing to do. My MIL was totally against breast feeding but you just have to ignore them. Bourne out of jealousy.

Can you not say something along the lines of "Thank you for the gift but I really won't use it so if you have the receipt I'll exchange it"? Said in a very firm voice.

I don't think you are being irrationally upset at all. It is a truly strange Christmas gift to give anyone. If it were me I just wouldn't mention it again. I'd probably enjoy thinking of completely unsuitable and slightly offensive gifts I could give her next year.

Put it on freecycle and then forget about it and her.

She is not worth your energy at this time.

Relax and look forward to your new arrival and if that fails repeat the mantra

I'm glad I'm not her
I'm glad I'm not her
I'm glad I'm not her ................

lillymolly - powdered infant formula isn't sterile, so isn't suitable for the gut of a newborn. I did point out (sarcastically) to her that some ready-made formula cartons might have been more useful and she asked if she wanted me to get some. No concept of irony at all, sadly.

Anyone want a tin of SMA Gold?

Man, I'm still fuming about this. I need to let it go!

Just ignore it - your best reaction is to bf DC2 as you have planned . She's obv trying to get a rise out of you.

Oooh, freecycle. Good plan.

Will pop it on there along with most of the totally inappropriate presents ds got.

What an awful pressie!

I'm thinking that she like some incontinence products - most useful and very handy and very just in case. Some special offers at the moment. She is so lucky to have such a thoughtful dil

But you know she is mad anyway, so ignore her.

Dh agrees with me that she is trying to undermine me, but won't say anything to her about it. He is mainly doing the "strong and silent" spiel while I rant!

ROFFLE @ Biro.

Ds got a load of toys that clearly said 3+ on the box, like his lovely, beautifully (possibly extremely expensive) wooden pirate ship that has many small, removable, chokable parts. When we got told, "Oh, you can keep it back for a year!" I had to bite back the response of, "Yes, so his then 1-year old sibling can choke on the small parts instead!"

Brie - she is insane. I'm very worried about relying on her for childcare on Friday, she claims she's coming to look after ds so I can work (nursery doesn't start again until the 5th) but it would be just like her to cancel at the last minute.

She's obviously mad

My MIL said to me "ooh mine never woke up in the night, you should put him ("him" being 7 week old ds2) on formula. Two of mine refused formula so they'd have a warmed through tin of carnation before bed.

I. Shit. You. Not.

Everytime DS2 wanted feeding on boxing day (spent with them at SIL's house) she'd comment on how tying feeding on demand was, how I never got a minute (um, he fed twice in 6 hours) and how I couldn't possibly plan naything whilst BF - I managed to drive to my mother's on Christmas day (1.5 hours), then drive to her house that night (45 mins) and then drive to SIL's, then home (1 hour) the next day. All with a BF baby.

I just ignore the silly old bugger

Definitely ask her if she's kept the receipt but do it really calmly and don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she's annoyed you. What does your DH make of it?

My MIL, despite bf both her children, did what she could to undermine my bf. Actually I largely have her to thank for me continuing to feed until DD was 20 months as her comments just made me more determined to carry on - bet she didn't forsee that! Before DD was born she sent a large box of bottles and dummies - for all ages, brought more with her when she came to visit and would give DD a dummy when I was out of the room even though I specifically asked her not to. Lots of comments from the beginning about how I didn't have enough milk, she was even asking me at 6 months (DD exc bf and putting weight on fine) if I was sure I had enough to be feeding. When DD was 7 months and I started feeding her whilst we were in a cafe, cue tuts and instructions that I 'had to stop that now'. I could see that it really bothered her. When I went back to work and fed DD when I got home she told me I would poison her as my milk would 'go off'.

Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into a rant about my own issues but as you can see this has touched a nerve(!) and am starting to get tense about it again as I can see it all happening again with DC2.

What a cow! I agree with chopchop, you should get her something, "special" next year. Sour balls and a silver-plated nutcracker?

You need to rise above (once you've have a thorough rant in private of course).

There may come a day in several years where she suddenly realises how stupid and incredibly rude she has been. But in the meantime she will always be the dcs grandma.

Its baffling to my why people are so rude about bf, so against it. I wouldn't be rude about someone's choice to use formula, so why be rude about my choices?

That's not a present, it's passive aggression! I would give it back and say that you will not be needing it.

Where have her anti breastfeeding ishooos come from?

Did she try with her dc(s) or did they go straight on to bottles as did so many babies in those days?

Perhaps trying to find reasons for her issues (not necc understand them) might make it slightly less annoying for you.

It really does sound like she will harp on and on about it unless you get through to her on this one.