Really, unreasonably upset by MIL's Xmas present to me

[theSuburbanDryad]

I am pg with dc2, and MIL (for some mad reason) thought that a tin of powdered infant formula and a load of bottles would be a really nice Xmas present for me. Bearing in mind that a) I breastfed ds until he was 21 months and b) Powdered infant formula isn't suitable for babies under 12 weeks anyway, I'm struggling to see what she was trying to achieve with this "gift", other than trying to totally undermine my feeding choices. She specifically told me not to open it until I got home, which suggests she knew how upset I would be by it.

She's very anti-breastfeeding, and was utterly repulsed by my plan to tandem nurse. She keeps telling me to put ds onto formula (even though he's nearly 2! ) and every time he gets a slight sniffle she tries to claim it's because I've somehow managed to pass it on through my breastmilk (even though we're not feeding anymore!) - I've given up trying to explain how it works.

There's no point trying to talk to her about this, so poor old dh has borne the brunt of my ire - but i'm still really upset over it, irrationally so. I need to get over this!

not had time to read all thread - but she really is off her trolley - I mean does she think some free bottles and a tin of powder are all that it's going to take to get you to ff?

moondog i don,t think the woman even asked for it he just thought it was agood idea!like i saw if it was to help people i would,nt mind but have you heard of it be used?surely hospitals would be involved if that was the case!i got my dh to tell him to back off and if it was that precious maybe i could sell it on ebay!!!lol so it went to placenta heaven or the bin!!!lol bloody weirdy beardy!

Haven't read all the thread I'm afraid, but want to put my twopennies worth in.

What an awful present for you!! My MIL also disagrees with me breastfeeding but at least she keeps her mouth shut most of the time!! Sod the BF/FF debate - what about a bit of respect for other people?! Your MIL clearly doesn't have any!!

That generation also can't get their head around exclusive bf - I think when they were having children, even those who did bf also bottle fed - certainly my mum did. I know mum found it strange that I didn't give bottles to my DDs as well as bf, although she is very pro-bf and was very supportive. My MIL also had the obsession with giving them water. 'I think she's thirsty, I think she's thirsty, I think she's thirsty', ad infinitum... Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Obviously meant formula (or cow's milk in my mum's case, I think!) in bottles

Miranda - the whole furore last year was because I got extremely frustrated with her telling me, "Why don't you try giving him cool boiled water?" x10000000

So, today. Me, dh and ds are all down with hideous colds so dh took the day off. The IL's turned up at 9 am and I said my spiel to MIL (with dh nodding along in the background) and she APOLOGISED!! Stroke of pure genius on her part, I reckon, now I come out looking like the baddie! She took the tin of formula and bottles away with her, with a sort of sorrowful air and an expression of, "I was only trying to help." Dh and I had a row about it, he doesn't think she's capable of being this manipulative.

The shepherd's pie was actually quite welcome (atlhough dryer than I would have liked ) because we are so ill that I couldn't have cooked and nor could dh. Ds quite liked granny's "special pie" (I absolutely hate food being labelled as "special") but didn't manage to get out of his pyjamas or get down for a nap. Still, I can live with that - not that I'm going to be asking her to babysit again. Ever.

Aha - she apologised! Well that settles it (read this thread when you first posted but couldn't think what to say) - if she had genuinely given you the formula out of good intentions then I don't think she would have apologised - she would have flared up and got all defensive. The fact that she took it back and apologised just demonstrates to me that she knew it would piss you off and was expecting your response - she had her own all nicely lined up didn't she? Bless your dh for thinking people aren't that manipulative - he should have gone to an all girls school like me

Good luck with breastfeeding the new baby

"I was only trying to help"

sorry but bollocks, more controlling behaviour as you know

get her behind thee

Dryad I am quite serious stay away she sounds dangerously poisonous x

The 'sorrowful air': I know exactly what you mean. Re the water it was actually 'I think she's thirsty poor thing ' (in sorrowful tone) or 'I think she's wet poor thing '. Last visit it was 'Have they had any lunch?'. 'Yes, we had a snack on the plane' 'Oh, they haven't had any lunch, poor things '
Well done for standing up to her. Maybe I should have done it a bit more, but we have now moved far away

The 'sorrowful air'

Had to laugh - that stikes a big bad chord!

Anyone who was genuinely trying to help would give money in my opinion - but then I'm skint and so easy to buy for!! .

Tell her that it that case, as she was trying to help, and you do appreciate her generosity, the ideal present for baby would be a lovely breastfeeding top you have seen as it would enable you to breastfeed in comfort for even longer.......

"I am pg with dc2, and MIL (for some mad reason) thought that a tin of powdered infant formula and a load of bottles would be a really nice Xmas present for me. Bearing in mind that a) I breastfed ds until he was 21 months and b) Powdered infant formula isn't suitable for babies under 12 weeks anyway, I'm struggling to see what she was trying to achieve with this "gift", other than trying to totally undermine my feeding choices."

Words fail me.

Re-wrap it and give it back, tell her she can eat the crappy shite herself because you are certainly not giving it to your new baby.

if she'ld not taken it back, you could have put it in her tea or coffee when visiting

Firstly,due to problems bf, both my sons were formula fed on midwife's advice from two or three days old. Both are now very healthy teenagers and never had any problems with any sort of tunny bugs from formula. of course, i did read and follow the instructions about sterilising all equipment and making up formula using boiled water etc.
Secondly, in your position, i would invite MIl over for coffee and would use the formula instead of regular milk in hers. I would also try to find some recipes using milk to make cakes/biscuits etc and substitute formula for that. then give her a bag of them to take home with her!

Dryad, in future just adopt the passive aggressive stance of pretending you are awfully concerned about how forgetful she seems to be getting recently.

Oh dear, did you forget that I don't formula feed? Not to worry, MIL dear, it's really very common to get a little confused at your age...

Shepherds pie? Whoops, I think you might have forgotten I was making lunch today. I knew I shouldn't have left it to you to remember over the phone. Shall I write our next lunchplans down for you as a little reminder? Not to worry, we'll just pop it in the bin freezer. I'm sure we'll get around to eating it another time.

Oh you just wanted to be helpful? That's so sweet, dear, and I know just the thing - a new breastpump is what I really need...blablabla

Treat her like you genuinely feel she's losing her marbles. Her every little barb will brand her more as "poor mad granny".

Oh, and tell your dh to strap on a pair, if you please.

My MIL is anti bf for babies older than a few months even though she and bil have excema from hell (the stuff that makes you bleed) and dh has asthma.
I fed dd til 18 months, cue lots of are you still feeding, and you still have milk, incredible.....errr why? Oh and when are you going to give up, blah blah. I left a load of printed material from kellymom in the spare room when they came to stay, made no difference. I could never actually speak to her about it as I knew I'd get too defensive and upset.
With ds I am still feeding at 2.5. I was getting HACKED off with all the comments so a little while ago I told her we'd stopped. I thought it would be ok as ds had stopped dmanding feeding in the day...however that all changed (for some reason, its driving me mad btw). Now ds just plunges his hand in and I usually have to wrestle him etc etc. Unfortunatly MIL saw one of these little incidents and I had to come up with something. She asked me 'You're not still feeding are you?' I said no but he likes a cuddle (whilst manhandling him trying to get his vice like grip off my boob). She tutted and siad 'Goodness me, he's a right little sex pot!' Oh so wrong on so many levels. What could I say to that?

I've not read the whole thread - but I would suggest using the formula in her tea/coffee when she came over - if she said anything you could say that as she knew you were planning on bf baby then you presumed the present would be of more use for her. sure formula ok for narrow minded mils.

Having bf two babies until they were nearly 2 and now bf twins have had many comments about how my milk not good enough/ no nutrients/ not enough etc etc - I now simply ignore these people if they come up with comments like these and gently change the subject. I feel that there is now no point in rising to it.