Really, unreasonably upset by MIL's Xmas present to me

[theSuburbanDryad]

I am pg with dc2, and MIL (for some mad reason) thought that a tin of powdered infant formula and a load of bottles would be a really nice Xmas present for me. Bearing in mind that a) I breastfed ds until he was 21 months and b) Powdered infant formula isn't suitable for babies under 12 weeks anyway, I'm struggling to see what she was trying to achieve with this "gift", other than trying to totally undermine my feeding choices. She specifically told me not to open it until I got home, which suggests she knew how upset I would be by it.

She's very anti-breastfeeding, and was utterly repulsed by my plan to tandem nurse. She keeps telling me to put ds onto formula (even though he's nearly 2! ) and every time he gets a slight sniffle she tries to claim it's because I've somehow managed to pass it on through my breastmilk (even though we're not feeding anymore!) - I've given up trying to explain how it works.

There's no point trying to talk to her about this, so poor old dh has borne the brunt of my ire - but i'm still really upset over it, irrationally so. I need to get over this!

Oh you don't actually have to use the name. Just ensure she gets a different birth announcement to everyone else. By accident, naturally.

Erm since when can't you give powdered milk before 12 weeks?

I know it isn't sterile but isn't that the whole point of making it up with water 70 degrees or higher?

Nappy - if you read the thread you'll see the links I posted wrt that.

I think Miranda is a great name . The shepherd's pie is probably an attempt to be helpful, but I know it all depends on how it is presented...and if someone has already seriously offended you,z anything they do becomes an irritation.

ignore the z!

Poor you, SD. I think I'd be inclined to ring her/email her and say 'That seemed like a very rude thing to do - did you mean it to be?' and let her dig herself out of her own hole, IYSWIM.

SUD, it's like when my MIL turns up and starts cleaning frantically. It would appear to people that she's trying to help but in actual fact it's a comment on my housekeeping skills ( note my housekeeping skills even though dh and I both work!)

This pie-gate incident is exactly why you have to draw the line now.

My mum cleans and cooks and child cares and is generally a fairy that visits our house and makes my life easier. Because she would never dream of ploughing in like a tank with her opinions - my dh and I just feel delighted to have help.

[She did, once whisper something like 'is she doing that again' when I wopped them out to feed. A withering glance and stern please and thank you's for the rest of the day were enough to draw the line. The 'don't go there you know I'll kick your ass and that might effect alot of things that realy matter to you...' look].

It could be like this with the pie - but because of the rot that has set in it's all being lost in translation. Or she could be a right old bag and the pie is a comment like the formula was.

Get it sorted now before everything is an issue, 'cos when she starts commenting on their diets, bed times, schooling etc your going to be utterly miserable with it all.

In honesty - if you think this person is capable of dumping her grandkids because she doesn't agree with how they are fed, then good bloody luck to her and bollocks too! That would be just soooo extreme - maybe the idea of this is more a reflection of how cross, sensitive and peverted the whole situation has or could become?

Oh God will our kids post on here in years to come?

My bloody MIl gave me some old babies top from the turn of the centuary saying formula sucks but surely everyone knows bottle is best these days....

Can't you just imagine it!!??

I'm sure my future DIL will post here - my ds is also my PFB so no-one would be good enough for him! Having said that, my mum is pretty cool with my SIL (my big brother is also a PFB) so maybe I can emulate my mother rather than my MIL!

She's just phoned to confirm her and FIL coming up tomorrow to sit with ds while I work. Me and dh have been cleaning today so she won't have the excuse to get the farking Jif out! Probably won't stop her. I'm going to ask my boss if I can do a half day, or maybe finish early or something so ds isn't with them all day. I'm really not happy about MIL putting him down for a nap.

Well, we'll see. She is on her last chance. I don't want to deny my kids their grandparents but, y'know, they've got another set!

chipmonkey - are you back at work now? How old is ds4?

I had to get my boss to do a PD last week as he was a larger man and my bump got in the way!

I think your DH is letting you down here.

MIL's present to you is utterly outrageous. He may not wish to cut off contact, but if he wants to keep her in all your lives he really must make a stand about this pathetic gesture of hers, or back you up very very firmly if you decide to make a stand. Which, btw, I think you should - you clearly need to pick your battles with this woman, as with toddlers, but this is surely a provocation that justifies a battle of some sort?

UD - present aside (and I DO think MIL is a bizarro witch). My MIL brings food and cleans whilst she is here - I just figure it makes her happy so I let it be. My mum does the same. Don't let yourself get too wound up with all aspects of her.

I guess what I am saying to say is that stuff is normal MIL behaviour, that said though - the rest is not!

Oh and you will be pleased to know that my nips are preparing themselves for a BFing attempt this time. Not promising it will happen but I am gonna give it my best shot

god bloody mils! i cannot stand mine my fils just as bad he was obsessed with my placenta for a friend who has a illness but its all i heard about he expected me to sort it all and even thought the police could escort it and pass it on from county to county!!!!oh my god!!.what a wonderful present the old bag whats her problem???like its so strange to bf?just the most natural thing to do in the world!i,d do a special family xmas card next year thinking of little britain it could be a family photo of you bfing husband and child!!!!lol that would shut her up!!!heehee

Roffle snuffy - as ds has just decided he wants to start nursing again I could do a beautiful picture of me tandem nursing on next year's grandparents' calendar!!

Wilkie - Here's hoping bf-ing works out for you this time, but if it doesn't you could always ask my MIL to get some SMA Gold for you!

Yes, SUD, back in work. Ds4 is 8 months old and I have been easing myself back in with a 2 day week but will be on 4 days from mid-January and am hoping I will cope!
LOL about the bump getting in the way of the PD! I had to change consulting rooms when pg with ds4 as there wasn't enough room in the one I was in!

My lord that's gone quick! Can't believe he's 8 months already! At least I'm going on mat leave in a few weeks, getting too fat to wear heels to work!

snuffyp your FIL wanted to organise an international police escort for your placenta?

yes! the man was obsessed!i would,nt mind giving it if it could help anyone but i,m no expert is,nt it all research at the moment with placentas?not like its something thats happening as hospitals themselves would probably ask them people would mind.but he wanted me to speak to midwives and the hospital and thought as my dh is a policeman they,d do it as a favour and pass it along!pass the parcel with my placenta!!!!horrid i jsut pointed out i had enough to think about! ils are strange creatures i have to block mine out of my life as much as possible and they never have my dd on there own.they have 2 other gc and did,nt like the fact there not christened so said about trying to get them done without the parents knowing!!apart from the fact you would,nt be able to how dare they!!!???its not up to then just because they think children should be its not there choice each to there own!

How hilarious snuff!
What did you do with it eventually?

Dryad she is clearly mad as a snake but she has got into your head and that's really crap. It's like a whispering in your ear even when they're not there and you haven't seen them for days .. it just goes on and on.. so every time you breastfeed an image of defying a disapproving woman slips into your head..and she's got into your name choices even if you do choose Miranda Rose -- it'll be the name MIL didn't want us to have, for the rest of your life.

I don't think it's such a bad thing you had a chronic row last Christmas. Maybe I'm vicariously wishing I'd said more to my MIL, because I want to say to you -- just tell her straight, however much she huffs and puffs.

But since I started being more assertive with my MIL she has backed off so I go with abandoning dignified and instead being extremely firm indeed ooh my wig is falling off with irritation.

What a horrid gift. What on earth was going through her head.

Agree with stuffitlama - she has succeeded to the extent that she has clearly wound you up, good and proper. Don't let her.

Also, is there perhaps just the teensiest possibility she was trying to be helpful? Maybe she's worried you won't cope bf-ing again and is trying to make it easy for you to take another route? I know you probably think I am being way too generous here but is it possible? Or maybe she feels inadequate because she tried to bf your dh but was discouraged by health staff?

fwiw, I would love it if someone cooked me a shepherds pie, but we have no surviving grandparents so maybe I look at it differently