Really, unreasonably upset by MIL's Xmas present to me

[theSuburbanDryad]

I am pg with dc2, and MIL (for some mad reason) thought that a tin of powdered infant formula and a load of bottles would be a really nice Xmas present for me. Bearing in mind that a) I breastfed ds until he was 21 months and b) Powdered infant formula isn't suitable for babies under 12 weeks anyway, I'm struggling to see what she was trying to achieve with this "gift", other than trying to totally undermine my feeding choices. She specifically told me not to open it until I got home, which suggests she knew how upset I would be by it.

She's very anti-breastfeeding, and was utterly repulsed by my plan to tandem nurse. She keeps telling me to put ds onto formula (even though he's nearly 2! ) and every time he gets a slight sniffle she tries to claim it's because I've somehow managed to pass it on through my breastmilk (even though we're not feeding anymore!) - I've given up trying to explain how it works.

There's no point trying to talk to her about this, so poor old dh has borne the brunt of my ire - but i'm still really upset over it, irrationally so. I need to get over this!

I disagree with the revenge plans, rise above it.
Although, you could send her a framed A1 size wall photograph of you breastfeeding the new baby (tits out and all).

Yes, you are right LM, but she is seriously going the right way about not getting to see either ds or the new baby, and she can shove her childcare - and her tin of farking formula - up her arse for all I care.

I don't need the stress of dealing with her on top of a newborn and a toddler.

Will phone her later (when I've calmed down) and ask her if she has receipt - or failing that ask if she knows anyone else who needs it!

If you don't freecycle it you could look into donating it to a local women's refuge. Then you could feel that your MIL had done some good for Christmas.

No, I won't be taking any revenge - it's totally pointless as she'll either completely ignore it (thick skin) or get so offended she'll never speak to any of us ever again (which would really upset dh).

I'm tempted to not actually speak to her about it at all. Just put it on Freecycle and tell her only if she asks what happened to it IYSWIM.

Ooooo, I like ljkk and PortandStilton's suggestions - very satisfying on 2 levels .

Blimey SD, that is one rude gift.

I think the best way forward is to freecycle as others have said, and then start planning your revenge gift.

maybe something along the lines of a self help book with a picture of two giant pendulous breasts on the cover.

Oh and I would be tempted to write a very polite but VERY FIRM letter informing your MIL that you feeding choices and none of her goddamn business and you simply will not tolerate any further comments or critisisms on the subject.

I would be tempted to use some underlining.

It was a thoughtless present- and a complete waste of money which she would have known!

However I'm still confused over 'powdered infant formula isn't sterile, so isn't suitable for the gut of a newborn. I did point out (sarcastically) to her that some ready-made formula cartons might have been more useful'

Both my dds had powdered milk from birth (Cow and Gate or Aptimil)- or am I thinking she gave you something other than formula? Confused emoticon!

I'm going to tell her that her services won't be required on Friday, I think. My mum can be with me for 9:45 which means I'll be slightly late for work, but luckily I have a very understanding boss!

My mother has just pointed out that MIL is behaving like a toddler, testing the boundaries to see how far she can push me. She thinks I should treat her as I would a toddler - ignore the negative behaviour totally.

Cupoftea - here and here.

(From the 2nd link: he CDC concluded its report with the following recommendations for the use of powdered infant formula in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU): 1) use alternatives to powdered formula whenever possible)

I have also seen on the WHO website that it's not suitable for newborns, as well as premmies.

"Babies who are not breast-fed and who do not require a special therapeutic feed should be given a sterile ready to feed (RTF) infant formula on the ward.

INFANT FORMULAS MUST NOT BE MADE ON THE WARDS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES."

From here.

I don't know Marla, if she is going to push and push and push with the comments (hoping for a vesuvian eruption of rage form SD) I would be tempted to do the polite letter, you never know it might put a stop to it.

Message withdrawn

Slubber - I dunno, I don't want to stop ds from seeing his grandparents, he utterly adores them (no accounting for taste i suppose) and if I do anything "against" her, even a polite letter, then she will cut all contact with him.

OTOH, I feel that maybe it's better for him to have contact cut from a capricious and frankly utterly mad grandparent when he's of an age that it won't bother him for too long, than when he's 5 or 6 and will really miss them IYSWIM.

Marla - totally unrelated, but go check your FB!

go to her house and take a crap on her bed and on the way out tell her you've 'left her a present'.

LOL blinks!

I heart MN - you lot always make me chuckle no matter how upset/angry I am!

Only read OP, but please don't be upset.

MIL is just being wierd/passive agressive so just ignore her - don't take it as an insult, just cut yourself off from her emotionally. If my MIL had done this, I'd have just sent it all to the charity shop (in the hope they could do something with it like send it to a refuge or something) and then put it behind me and just remember she is a twonk and not to get upset by her behaviour anymore.

Ermm Suburban....powdered formula is absolutely fine to be given from birth.

Hospitals dont make up powdered feeds for their own infection control issues really and ready made is quicker and more convenient.

I worked on NICU's for years. The first unit I worked on made ALL their own feeds up...cost effectiveness I suppose. The last one I worked on didnt but we did show parents how to make up feeds ready for discharge.....with powdered formula!

i honestly think she's jealous as breastfeeding means you have a special bond that she can't have...

to quote Mr T, pity the fool.

I like the idea of comedy unsuitable presents in return.

Some suggestions for her birthday:

• Incontinence pads - extra large.
• Contraception - say some ribbed, flavoured condoms with an alarming name
• No more grey hair dye
• some support underwear
• Jif or Toilet cleaner with some witty rubber gloves (e.g. the ones with fur trim)
• Voucher for High and Mighty or Ann Summers or Game or similar.
• Cookbook in the vein of "Cooking for Dummies" or "How to cook if you're really a rubbish cook"
• Trousers in a really LARGE arse size
• A construction kit (build the death star out of lolly sticks, or similar)
• Woolworths vouchers
• Self-help book in the vein of "Women who don't know how to love" or "Letting go of your toxic parents"

hee hee - I'm getting a bit mean now, aren't I?

"While the reservoir for E. sakazakii is unknown in many cases, a growing number of reports have established powdered infant formula as the source and vehicle of infection. In several investigations of E. sakazakii outbreaks that occurred among neonates in neonatal intensive care units, investigators were able to show both statistical and microbiological association between infection and powdered infant formula consumption. These investigations included cohort studies which implicated infant formula as the source of the outbreaks. In addition, there was no evidence of infant-to-infant or environmental transmission; all cases had consumed the implicated formula. The stomach of newborns, especially of premature babies, is less acidic than that of adults: a possible important factor contributing to the survival of an infection with E. sakazakii in infants. (4)"

From here

AFAIK the risk is that the non-sterile formula is not prepared/stored correctly and can very quickly breed the E. sakazakii bacteria which can be fatal which is why labour wards don't use powdered formula.

I will admit that it's not something I know a huge amount about, but certainly every mw and hv I've ever spoken to about has said that it's best to use ready-made, sterile formula for a newborn rather than powdered formula.