Mil guilt tripping 11 yo over not spending enough on presents

[Y7mum]

So because my mums side of the family is Austrian we celebrate and give gifts on the 24th but also the 25th because of other relatives. My 11yo dd is the only child in the close family and she usually buys everyone a small present for Christmas eve up to about 7 pounds a person for about 6 people and makes a gift, such as writing a personalised story herself or decorating a piec,which she also loves, for Christmas day. Everyone gives smaller Christmas eve presents in our family. Often she ends up having to buy 1 or 2 Christmas day presents due to time not mentioning dog present and aunt on dh's side who she buys for.

With 6 seven pound presents, about 3 10 pound Christmas day presents and a 5 pound dog present that's nearly 80 quid and we want her to buy presents with her own money. She gets 20 a month pocket monet so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas. Most of family are fine with this and like the homemade present but mil keeps hinting at how it is stingy and rude.

More than fine. What a cow your MIL sounds.

Your mil sounds the stingy one!!

If you want her to buy presents with her own money for that many people then you need to give her more pocket money - you can’t expect her to spend 4 months of her money on Christmas presents.

I”d say just the homemade gifts are fine for a child of that age.

Your MIL is being completely unreasonable, of course.

I would probably give her a bit more pocket money if you can since she’s spending so much on other people. Not to up her budget, but just because I can’t imagine spending 4 months of my own income on gifts for example. Or offer to pay a percentage. Eg she pays 50 and you pay £30. But I would also tell mil to stfu.

Yes to the above and tell her not to buy for a fucking dog

Classic ageist comment (and no, I’m not a “boomer”)

My Austrian grandmother challenges me to spend the tiniest amount on her, with huge praise for being extra frugal. This years gift cost me £2! And I think she’ll really like it! Not cultural I think!

It's really quite unfair and unkind for you to expect an 11-year old to spend such a huge chunk of her money on gifts. What a horrible situation to put her in. Obviously MIL is being a cow but that's not the biggest issue here imo.

Give her a bit more pocket money. Stop buying g for the dog. Drop her budget to £5 per person and if MiL complains drop her off the list altogether. That is a really nasty thing for her to do/say. Does sh spend 1/3 of her as nnual budget on gifts? I'd ask if the next time she says anything.

This!

Does MIL spend 4 months of her annual income on Xmas presents?

As long as all of you are spending four months of your income before bills on presents.

Your MIL sounds horrific. What does your dh say about it? It is his mother after all. Is he not embarrassed by her behaviour and does he give out to her about it? If he doesn't, you should.

But I also think it's pretty mean that that you expect her to use every penny of her pocket money on gifts for all those relatives. Including an aunt on your dad's side! So she has no money at all to buy herself anything for a quarter of the year?!

Your DD sounds a lovely thoughtful person.

I would be having a quiet word with MIL 😡

Make the same rule I did many years ago. Kids buy presents for nobody, no exception, not even their mother. I buy only for my parents, not for my brother, sister, or their kids. Please keep it simple, stop the excess gift exchange. Christmas is to spend a meal together and time, not just to exchange unwanted tat. Oh and they have to buy a present for someone for any reason, pay for it for them and make them bank the money for when they are 18

You expect your own 11yr old to buy christmas presents with her own money for ADULTS and DOGS???

You are being unreasonable for that and your MIL is a vile person talking to a child that way, vile vile vile.
MIL would be getting a lump of coal if she spoke to my DD like that.

Good grief all of you are quite distasteful.

Why are you making her buy presents with her own money and then also including recipients like a dog and DH’s aunt?

I think this must be a wind up post.

No-one expects kids to buy gifts for other people from saving 4 months of their pocket money.

That’s bloody awful if it was true!

This is bonkers, she is 11, why is she spending literally a third of her pocket money a year on Xmas presents? Why are you allowing this?

Your DD sounds such a kind person, if she was my DD I’d ask her to pay £1 towards each present and I’d pay the rest.
I would totally ignore MIL.

I was brought up to spend my own money on relatives’ presents and I hated it. As you get older, the amount is expected to go up, so when I was a student in very little income I was spending £25 a head on relatives and then returning any presents I was given as I couldn’t afford it.
I also ended up buying for younger cousins, and in turn their parents would get me a token box of chocolates - which is fine and much more reasonable.

All I’m trying to say is be careful with the precedent you’re setting - I know it’s intended to teach her the value of money but already you’re creating a financial burden and an uneven dynamic. A box of chocolates from you in her name would be more than enough.

'Often she ends up having to buy'

Why does she have to buy gifts for anyone?

She can keep her money and just stick her name on the label/card that your and your husband give to these people and dogs.
Was your MIL corrected by your husband?

Until your daughter is actually earning a salary I would fund a small token gift for her to give to relatives. If your MIL doesn't like it well she can lump it. Your poor daughter !

11 year old kid should not be paying for presents for adults FFS. You are unreasonable.

Obviously MIL is also unreasonable. But so are you.