Mil guilt tripping 11 yo over not spending enough on presents

[Y7mum]

So because my mums side of the family is Austrian we celebrate and give gifts on the 24th but also the 25th because of other relatives. My 11yo dd is the only child in the close family and she usually buys everyone a small present for Christmas eve up to about 7 pounds a person for about 6 people and makes a gift, such as writing a personalised story herself or decorating a piec,which she also loves, for Christmas day. Everyone gives smaller Christmas eve presents in our family. Often she ends up having to buy 1 or 2 Christmas day presents due to time not mentioning dog present and aunt on dh's side who she buys for.

With 6 seven pound presents, about 3 10 pound Christmas day presents and a 5 pound dog present that's nearly 80 quid and we want her to buy presents with her own money. She gets 20 a month pocket monet so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas. Most of family are fine with this and like the homemade present but mil keeps hinting at how it is stingy and rude.

That poor child put under so much pressure and then have to stand there taking crap for it....all of it is dispicable towards a young child. You all should be ashamed of the expectations placed on this youngster.What must this poor child be feeling? Utterly shameful behaviour

no one should be rude enough to tell you how much to spend on a gift, or to say that home made us unwelcome. Mil sounds thoroughly unpleasant.

I can’t believe you get your child to buy presents with her pocket money of 3-4 months! I think MIL is trying to hint that YOU (the parents) should sort out the presents not your child.

Agree with this 💯

This! Poor child, she is only 11! How many years has she had to do this?

there is so much going on here I don’t even know where to start.

the MIL thinks the child doesn’t spend enough. She is a child. She shouldn’t need to spend anything. She could give drawings, macaroni art, or nothing, and it would be fine.

The parents have created a situation where the child is expected to spend 1/3 of her annual money on Christmas gifts. That is insane. Does anyone else in the family spend 1/3 of their annual budget on gifts? Does anyone in the world do that?

I think your MIL is unreasonable - no sensible person would expect an 11 year old to be buying gift. I don't think an elven should spending so much of her pocket money on other people - I think you are teaching her to serve other people.

The only rude person here is the MiL.

Hinting at my dd we give her gifts

I can't believe an 11 year old is spending £80 of her pocket money on Christmas presents for the family.

If this is legit, then on top of the MIL calling her stingy, this is all quite bizarre.

MIL sounds awful.

So does the person using this as an excuse for ageist crap re "boomers".

My 11 yo has been moving the same £5 in and out of her 'xmas presents for fam' Monzo pot for weeks 🤣 it currently stands at 41p and no presents have been purchased, money management isn't her biggest strength. She set the pot up herself with good intentions but keeps finding other things to spend her pocket money on, we don't expect her to buy gifts.
Your DD is doing great, she sounds very thoughtful, MIL can pipe down or get coal in her stocking.

My DC buy small presents for each other and us only but we set them a budget and provide the cash.

If they want to spend more they use their own money. Typically they don't 😂

Do you spend 4 months of your salary on gifts for other people? I know, I know it's different because you have bills to pay etc. But come on, it is a lot!

Also your Mil is a grasping moo bag.

The whole thing is daft. An 11yo shouldn’t be spending any of their own money on presents. Maybe homemade presents only at a push, but certainly not such a huge percentage of their yearly pocket money. Your MIL is being an absolute idiot. Is she aware this is your daughter’s own money?

Hard to tell if the DD is thoughtful or just responding to the ridiculous pressure being put on her to buy gifts, in my opinion.

Imagine thinking people born between 1947 and 1964 share the same behaviour patterns. Ageist too.

Your daughter sounds so thoughtful OP and her gifts are very generous. Think I'd give her a bit extra in December to help her buy all the presents. That's quite a chunk from her pocket money.

Poor DD
An age where she should be able to relax and enjoy the magic of Christmas without any stress, and instead she’s having to budget her own pocket money trying to get the right presents to please a dozen or so people, and is then berated for it not being ‘enough’ by her own grandmother

Please take the pressure off this 11 year old child. It’s so unnecessary.

@Ritual9 perhaps you're right. I remember being very excited the first time I was able to buy little token gifts by myself but it's different when there's heavy expectations attached.

I think you making her at 11 save all her pocket money for months to buy christmas presents is bizarre.

This! Would you spend 4 months salary on presents for your family? It’s massively disproportionate.

This is batshit. I'm aghast - why don't you protect your child from this?! You're enabling it, and your MiL sounds like a spiteful bitch. You're the parent, YOU sort it out. Stop the ridiculous present giving pressure.

I cannot get over this post. I just can't,and I have read some threads over the years but this..well this is one on its own..
I hope you all change your ways before the damage you will inflict on your poor child's mental health is damaged anymore.

Right? I get trying to teach her to save but it seems so mean 🤣 at least “match” what she saves and give her some back as a reward!!

What does class positive points mean?