Mil guilt tripping 11 yo over not spending enough on presents

[Y7mum]

So because my mums side of the family is Austrian we celebrate and give gifts on the 24th but also the 25th because of other relatives. My 11yo dd is the only child in the close family and she usually buys everyone a small present for Christmas eve up to about 7 pounds a person for about 6 people and makes a gift, such as writing a personalised story herself or decorating a piec,which she also loves, for Christmas day. Everyone gives smaller Christmas eve presents in our family. Often she ends up having to buy 1 or 2 Christmas day presents due to time not mentioning dog present and aunt on dh's side who she buys for.

With 6 seven pound presents, about 3 10 pound Christmas day presents and a 5 pound dog present that's nearly 80 quid and we want her to buy presents with her own money. She gets 20 a month pocket monet so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas. Most of family are fine with this and like the homemade present but mil keeps hinting at how it is stingy and rude.

agree with others, it's already unfair that you're expecting her to spend a third of all the pocket money she gets over an entire year buying presents for adults (and a dog, ffs!), let alone even contemplating she should be buying more!

So one person of a certain age (although we don’t know if she is a boomer)
behaves like an arse and a whole generation is maligned and I am a boomer
To Y7 mum your _daughter sounds a lovely girl and your mil should be ashamed of herself _

You make your 11 year old spend one third of her annual budget on Christmas presents? Wow. Your MiL is not the problem here.
Do better.

I’m surprised by the voting for this, how can it be fine that she is spending a third of her annual pocket money on Christmas gifts?

Hugely unfair on her, when our kids wanted to start buying presents we instigated a family secret Santa 1 gift and a budget £ 10-15, could that be suggested for the family next year

I can't vote because i don't agree with any of the options. The only things it would possibly ok for her to buy from her pocket money would be small gifts for her parents, but even then I wouldn't expect it. If you want her to give to extended family, you should pay and let her choose them. As others have said, no adult would want to spend 4 months personal spending money on gifts for others.

Fuck me, she spends 4 months of her pocket money on Christmas presents for her family including a dog?? That's 1/3 of the year. How is it pocket money if it all has to go on Christmas? This is weird. She either spends £1-2 per person, or she just hand makes something, or you give her money to choose more expensive gifts. MIL is unreasonable but YOU are the most unreasonable.

Yea this

Like others I think it’s really mean to expect your child to spend so much money on presents.

Poor kid. Has to spend her own money but only gets a fiver a week pocket money?

Does she at least get the chance to earn more money with extra chores?

What has MIL actually said?

I agree.

Agree with others about how unfair it is your daughter is buying for anyone other than her parents - do you spend 1/3 of your disposable income on Christmas gifts?

you are awful and so is your mil. Your poor daughter having to spend all of her pocket money on this is horrible tbh.

I agree that's really mean to make her buy that many presents with her pocket money. She's 11, poor kid

What does it matter how much she spends? Personally I couldn't care less how much people spend on me, if anything

I don’t think an 11 year-old should have to spend any of her own money on that many presents. Goodness.

I think you need to take MiL to one side and stomp on this behaviour.

She gets 20 a month pocket money so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas I’m too ill and too tired to work out the percentages but I’m willing to bet my Night Nurse supply that MiL isn’t spending every penny she has on gifts for four months straight. Tell her that and warn her that if she so much as looks sideways at DD’s gifts, she’ll find that you lose the spirit of Christmas and create a scene the likes of which she won’t have seen before.

Not only is it "fine", it’s lovely. Tell your MIL that most grandmothers would love presents their grandchildren have paid for themselves, and put such thought int (or pretend your friend's mother said she wished her granddaughter would do that as it's so much more personal).

Does she really value monetary worth over a child's savings and hard work? How sad.

Most people are not voting at all because there's no option for "no, stop the ridiculous spending altogether"

Astonished at this set up, I’m all for children learning the value of money and my DS is expected to either buy a small gift for immediate family members (parents & grandparents) or put real effort into making something, but I dont expect him to spend any more than a few pounds. A chocolate orange or similar is sufficient.
At 11 years old she should be included in your l gift to extended family as part of your family unit. If you have this expectation you need to give her more money

also your MIL is a nasty piece of work belittling an 11 year old who spent a third of her pocket money on gifts

Why does your child need to spend 4 months of her own pocket money on presents? Ffs help her out and buy them yourself! It’s not like you give her a lot of pocket money in the first place. And of course homemade gifts are fine - maybe if you can’t afford to give her more money which she then has to spend on others then all presents should be homemade. Eg a coupe of mince pies or homemade soap or similar (yes I’d expect you to buy the ingredients!)

Agreed, I think YABVU.

That is a lot of money for 11yo to be spending. I wouldn’t want uni aged DC to be spending much more than that

If you want her to buy for people that aren't immediate family then you should be funding it for her. My kids now buy for me and dh and each other but I'd not expect them to buy for anyone else using their own money