Mil guilt tripping 11 yo over not spending enough on presents

[Y7mum]

So because my mums side of the family is Austrian we celebrate and give gifts on the 24th but also the 25th because of other relatives. My 11yo dd is the only child in the close family and she usually buys everyone a small present for Christmas eve up to about 7 pounds a person for about 6 people and makes a gift, such as writing a personalised story herself or decorating a piec,which she also loves, for Christmas day. Everyone gives smaller Christmas eve presents in our family. Often she ends up having to buy 1 or 2 Christmas day presents due to time not mentioning dog present and aunt on dh's side who she buys for.

With 6 seven pound presents, about 3 10 pound Christmas day presents and a 5 pound dog present that's nearly 80 quid and we want her to buy presents with her own money. She gets 20 a month pocket monet so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas. Most of family are fine with this and like the homemade present but mil keeps hinting at how it is stingy and rude.

I think that is a massive proportion of pocket money to spend on gifts. If she is crafty a home made present/card is fine. I used to just give mine a budget then take them shopping but I would pay and it would be a nominal sum. Your MIL is very rude. Presumably you buy a present for her. Why not do it from the whole family?

I agree with you, what kind of parents expect their 11 year old to use their own pocket money to buy presents for family? It’s 4 months worth of pocket money! I’d never do this to my DD. I’d either give her £100 to but presents or I would buy the presents and state they are from the family. Horrible position to put a child in.

You make your child spend a 3rd of her annual pocket money on Christmas presents?! I find that outrageous. At her age, yes, obviously teach her the value of money, but presents for family should come from you, as a family, she doesn’t need to get presents solely from her, that’s extremely unfair. I agree with pp, do better.

Oh I see, that makes sense.

Oh don't be fucking ageist. It's a MIL issue. Not particularly age related.

What shes doing is absolutely fine if that's what she wants to do. Don't have her use 4 months pocket money though. Either give her more pocket money or half of what shes spent or just the handmade gifts. Your MIL sounds like a cow.

That’s a hell of a lot to have on an 11 year old’s shoulders. My god.

I think children buying presents for adults is brilliant. Not enough children do it now days. But to expect her to use 4 months pocket money is unacceptable. An adult wouldn’t spend four months wages on presents. She would better learning to save a percentage all year.

If for example your MIL spends £100 on your family unit are you spending a similar amount back? Is she referring to your daughter’s present stingy or what she receives back in terms of what she spends. I don’t believe that presents should be the same value but I know in our family we discuss budgets to ensure we are all on the same page.

I just fit into the Boomer category and find MIL's response ridiculous as well as a child expected to spend that percentage of their money on presents.

Your generalisation is a reflection on you not Boomers.

This is madness. My kids at that age would buy something for a few quid only for DH and me and usually from the gift aisle at Sainsburys. I do think it's important that they give something as well as receiving, but it really wasn't important that I liked it tbh, more that they were thinking of other people and not just themselves.

My son is 13 and he gets the gifts for people but I pay for them. I don’t see why he should use his own money at his age. When he gets a job, then it will be different

They do. Or they did at least. I was reading it thinking I didn't know it happened to anyone else.
I'd knock the present-buying on the head, OP. Just let her buy something small for the dog. Handmade card for everyone else.

expecting her to spend 1/3 of her annual money on presents for other people is vastly unfair. If you want her to buy for others you help her fund iy.

Your MIL sounds like a horrid grasping women. Why isn’t your husband stepping in to tell her to stop this ridiculous nonsense?

Surely at eleven how much the child spends depends on how much you give them. If they can't afford more it's not their fault!

Who is your daughter buying presents for??? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, you, your husband?? Your daughter is having to save 4 months pocket money to enable her to buy Christmas Eve and Christmas Day gifts for relatives. If she was old enough to be earning her own wage, I understand her buying gifts but she's 11!! If you think she must buy gifts then increase her monthly allowance, cut down the amount per person she's spending and cut down who she's buying gifts for. Grandparents, you, your husband and siblings (if she has any). No one else.

I always did the same, presents for GPs only though, no one else got or expected presents from a child.

Assuming this is true, if DD is buying gifts with her own money, she should be able to choose a) who she biys for and b) how much she spends.

Having to save a third of her total year's pocket money to buy gifts as dictated by others is utterly mad.

I’d be having a bloody stern word with MIL.

Fuck off with your ageism

What tight gits you all are. That poor child.

I think I forgot to mention that we have offered to help pay but she insists on buying everything herself and refuses offers of increased pocket money around Christmas or us paying a percentage ----

Classic MN post.

Classic ageist comment - there's always one! 🙄 I'm a Boomer and I voted "No, what she's doing age 11 is fine".

Chinny reckon.