Mil guilt tripping 11 yo over not spending enough on presents

[Y7mum]

So because my mums side of the family is Austrian we celebrate and give gifts on the 24th but also the 25th because of other relatives. My 11yo dd is the only child in the close family and she usually buys everyone a small present for Christmas eve up to about 7 pounds a person for about 6 people and makes a gift, such as writing a personalised story herself or decorating a piec,which she also loves, for Christmas day. Everyone gives smaller Christmas eve presents in our family. Often she ends up having to buy 1 or 2 Christmas day presents due to time not mentioning dog present and aunt on dh's side who she buys for.

With 6 seven pound presents, about 3 10 pound Christmas day presents and a 5 pound dog present that's nearly 80 quid and we want her to buy presents with her own money. She gets 20 a month pocket monet so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas. Most of family are fine with this and like the homemade present but mil keeps hinting at how it is stingy and rude.

Thanks. @superfluous This is not made up

A third of her pocket money. Not a quarter.

Would your mil spend 4 months of money on presents? Bonkers an 11 yo is spending so much my 10yo hasn't spent a penny on xmas I paid for his dad and he paid for mine then I buy a small extra thing for my siblings lynx, chocs etc and write tag from my son. Its really teaching extravagance and unneccessary overspending at Christmas is the norm a dog will not notice not getting a gift!

Really !!! I’ve never known any child refuse more pocket money .

You all sound horrible!! She’s 11 FFS. Stop making her spend all of her money on presents!

oh stop it.

I'm a boomer and I think the child is being treated appallingly.

She sounds like a selfless child who likes to give from the heart.
Your mil sounds quite bitchy.
If somebody gave me a story, I would be so amazed and love it!

Your dd may be a famous author one day! Encourage this creative open heart and just give her an allowence raise in January as it sounds like she will spend or save thoughtfully.

So how are you going to protect your sweet earnest and innocent child from this nasty materialistic woman ?

Fucking money grabbing MIL. My niece who is in our 20s bought us a box of chocolates and I think that is way too generous and she has a job!

Yes really, something about class positive points for not getting parents to buy gifts

Thanks, we will try to in Feb as money is always a bit tight in January

I got confused about the votes but I think your daughter shouldn’t have to spend 25% of her money on people who are rude to her. This year we challenged everyone to do homemade and thrifted gifts and my kids did a brilliant job. My 9 year old made everyone chocolates and my 13 year old made everyone wired and beaded Christmas ornaments. They spent a lot of time on them which is more important than money. If you want to continue this slightly problematic tradition I’d get your daughter to make everyone something and stop using her money for it.

Which part of the tradition is problematic

Could you give her £25 a month but ask her to say 20% for presents? Then she'd have £30 saved up ready for Christmas, and could spend just a bit of her November/Dec money. Because honestly that seems way too much, proportionally, of her money already.

Ageist BS.

First you say you want her to buy presents with her own money.

Then you say she insists on it.

So which is it? Is she just ‘insisting’ because you’ve heaped that expectation on her? To be honest even if she is spending that amount I would be replacing some of it for her, even if just into a savings account. It’s a ridiculous amount to expect an 11 yo to spend.

Huh?
This is weird. You initially said you want her to spend her own money and now you're saying she declines your money? Does she genuinely not spend any pocket money for 4 months so she can by her own choice spend it all on Christmas despite you trying to give her money towards them? That is just...implausible.

She'd have 60 quid

Does your DD buy birthday presents too? This is plainly far too much.

I understand that she likes to do this. It doesn't mean it's ok though. If she's stubborn about accepting more money there's a couple of things you can do.

Open a bank account in her name and put it in there to build some savings for her. Savings she cannot accumulate with a third of her yearly allowance being spent on others.

You could give her money at Christmas to spend on herself. Ideally the same amount or more than she spent on gifts.

You can facilitate her independence and decision making about the gifts while making sure this doesn't affect her negatively in the long term.

🤔🤣

I don’t think 11yo should give any presents until they are earning their own money, and then only to immediate family (parents, siblings). My dd 17 has bought me a £5 candle which I’m more than happy with (she works p/t in a restaurant). I know for sure my mum, her GM, would be angry if she spent any money on her. Your MIL is grabby and you should stand up for your dd.

The bit that prompted you to start this thread OP

Is she hinting at you or DGd? If MIL is spending £££ on presents and she gets a token gift from DGd and nothing else from you, then I could understand her hinting at you that it might be a little stingy.

We buy gifts for extended family that gift to our children (assuming they don’t have children we reciprocate with). MIL spends around £150 between the two grandchildren. It would feel a bit one sided if all MIL received in return was a pair of socks and a drawing.

That is very much our responsibility though and I would be upset if MIL was suggesting that DGd efforts weren’t good enough!