Mil guilt tripping 11 yo over not spending enough on presents

[Y7mum]

So because my mums side of the family is Austrian we celebrate and give gifts on the 24th but also the 25th because of other relatives. My 11yo dd is the only child in the close family and she usually buys everyone a small present for Christmas eve up to about 7 pounds a person for about 6 people and makes a gift, such as writing a personalised story herself or decorating a piec,which she also loves, for Christmas day. Everyone gives smaller Christmas eve presents in our family. Often she ends up having to buy 1 or 2 Christmas day presents due to time not mentioning dog present and aunt on dh's side who she buys for.

With 6 seven pound presents, about 3 10 pound Christmas day presents and a 5 pound dog present that's nearly 80 quid and we want her to buy presents with her own money. She gets 20 a month pocket monet so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas. Most of family are fine with this and like the homemade present but mil keeps hinting at how it is stingy and rude.

Honestly, Christmas is a disease…

Time to up her pocket money by at least £100

She's 11. Why is she spending any of her money on presents at all?

How old is your mother in law, 6?

This l would not expect a 11 year old to buy all these presents out of own pocket money, it's abusive.

Poor dd it’s nice she buys the gifts but maybe reduce it to 5 each so she feels like she’s contributing then you buy the gifts for Christmas and get your dh to defend his 11 year old kid to his nasty mother if that was me I would remind gm she’s 11 not 31 and earning and would give dd money through out the year to compensate.

No, she shouldn't have to spend more at all. However, we paid for all the presents from my children when they were 11 and would never have expected them to save four months pocket money as that is quite a big ask.

I'm not sure I understand, are you saying £80 is too much for you to pay for the gifts your 11 year old daughter is buying for extended family? Yet you expect your (again, 11 year old) daughter to be able to pay it from her pocket money?

I'm not convinced this post is real.

This is a joke right? A 11 year old being berated by her grandmother over what she spends on adults at Christmas. What parallel universe nuttiness is this?

Totally agree. Who makes a child spend pocket money on relatives presents? Including a bloody dog!

What kind of adult is so insecure they need an expensive gift from an 11 year old?
Maybe all chip in to get MIL some therapy sessions as this year's present.

Your 11 year sounds more emotionally mature than her nan, far more thoughtful and kind too. Long may that last.

Agree with others your 11yo should not be buying adults presents, especially so many and using so much of what is supposed to be her money.

Our rules are we cover our DCs gift giving up until they go to high school, then if they want to buy friends gifts they save and if need be we will help top up money. Family we still cover the cost and will do while they are at high school, if they want to buy something with their money that’s fine but it’s not expected.

That is the very definition of extended family - grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. On the main subject, imo no child that young should be expected to buy anything for anyone. I've never heard of such a thing, how miserable! Have you told the mean old grandma how horrible she's being? Where does she expect an 11yo to get an expensive gift from? Maybe it's the early stages of dementia?

Its the giving not the monetary value that's important here. Your MIl needs to understand this. She is the one that is rude.

Uuurgh what a depressing post this is. The MIL is the obvious villain of the piece but you and your husband don't come out much better to be honest. At an age when money becomes really important to a child, you appear to be making your daughter buy presents (which clearly have a rigid pricepoint attached) for every relative under the sun and a DOG, and watching her scrimp and save for 4 MONTHS, unable to treat herself to anything with her £5 per week.
As if that wasn't enough, the little soul is also coming up with creative, personalised presents for these people and then you have to ask an internet forum whether you should be helping her and sticking up for her against a disgusting, ungrateful old bitch who pours scorn on her lovely efforts. The whole thing is heartbreaking. Get a backbone, stop this present insanity, tell your MIL to fuck off and let your 11 year old be a child. If you can't do this, then of course you should be giving her the money (the mind boggles that you had to even ask this).

If MIL is complaining (especially if it’s in front of your daughter) then I’d pull her aside and tell her she’s being greedy and rude and she won’t be getting any presents.

Whose idea was it to start this nonsense of a child buying everyone presents? If she wants to choose a small present for someone then you should be paying or increasing her pocket money. If you can’t afford that then just stop the presents. I don’t think many adults would expect a present from a child.

An 11 y/o refused extra money?! She's either a saint or you're lying.

Dogs don't need presents. She should be spending her money on fun things and being a pre teen not worrying about buying stuff for grown adults

Fuck's sake; I used to give the kids a tenner each to get something for their Dad and he did the same for a present for me. Their names were added to all the 'family' cards and presents and who the actual fuck gets a present for the DOG??

Absolutely this!

Why on earth are you expecting an 11yo to buy gifts for the extended family? This is bordering on abuse.

You either need to increase her allowance considerably, or you should be buying the presents in her name.

I'm cross with your MIL just reading this! We get our girls to buy and make their own gifts too, no point me sorting it and just putting their name on it! So much for the spirit of Christmas! Send her coal next year as shes so rude, mean and ungrateful!

Exactly this .
I can’t believe your 11 year old child has to give up her pocket money for 4 months to buy presents for ADULTS !!!
Shame on all involved.
The poor child ..

I wouldn't expect children to buy presents in the first place. Hand made is part of Christmas preparations. Family adults only get a token present like a tin of sweets or biscuits to share with the family and only very close relatives, like elderly Grandparents etc, parents have individual presents. I'm appalled by the huge amounts of money parents are spending on their children. This MIL sounds one of their ilk.

tell her when she is willing to spend 4 months of her non essential spending on presents for immediate family your DD will match, but not before.

It’s ridiculous that you expect an 11 year old to use her own money for this. That’s 4 months worth of pocket money. What she does is fine but you should give her money for it.

1.kids should not be required to spend 30% of their annual income on gifts for others
2.mil is horrible and you should stand up for your child- if mil thinks it’s fine to tell someone they are stingy, then you are perfectly ok to tell her when you open your present that you don’t understand why she’s being so stingy- dd spends 1/3 of what she gets all year on presents and you thought that was stingy but there is no way you are even spending a fraction of that so how dare you have a go at a child? Apologise or I will make sure she doesn’t buy you any thing next year as I’ll explain her generosity should go on people who might value it or benefit from it.