Mil guilt tripping 11 yo over not spending enough on presents

[Y7mum]

So because my mums side of the family is Austrian we celebrate and give gifts on the 24th but also the 25th because of other relatives. My 11yo dd is the only child in the close family and she usually buys everyone a small present for Christmas eve up to about 7 pounds a person for about 6 people and makes a gift, such as writing a personalised story herself or decorating a piec,which she also loves, for Christmas day. Everyone gives smaller Christmas eve presents in our family. Often she ends up having to buy 1 or 2 Christmas day presents due to time not mentioning dog present and aunt on dh's side who she buys for.

With 6 seven pound presents, about 3 10 pound Christmas day presents and a 5 pound dog present that's nearly 80 quid and we want her to buy presents with her own money. She gets 20 a month pocket monet so it's four months of pocket if she spent none between September and Christmas. Most of family are fine with this and like the homemade present but mil keeps hinting at how it is stingy and rude.

I think MIL is hinting that you are being stingy, not DD and you don't seem to have understood that. You should be helping her buy appropriate gifts for her grandparents particularly rather than her having to try and find things from her pocket money. I'd be mortified if my 11 year old was spending that much on gifts for relatives. Her having to give up four months worth of pocket money to buy her relatives rubbish gifts is quite frankly awful and not teaching her anything

My DC always bought small gifts or made a small gift for their Nan and Grandad and both parents but they were given extra pocket money in December. I mean small little gifts like a small box of Malteasers £1.30 for Grandad and the 4 little Ferero Rocher chocolates for £1.25 for their Nan. One year my DD made her Nan a book mark she crafted and her Nan cherished that bookmark and was still using it about 10 years later.

I would not expect a child of 11 to use her own money to purchase gifts for adults.

Absolutely this. Why is a child being pressured to buy gifts for anyone? Awful that she's having to use her own pocket money.

Honestly that’s A LOT of pressure on an 11 year old.

Why on earth is an 11 year old child using her pocket money to buy gifts for family?! Your mil is vile, this whole thing is!! Bless her little heart, this is genuinely so sad - she’s gone to such an effort and the fact you even needed to ask if she should be doing more is horrifying. She is ELEVEN. Fucking hell.

Fucking dog

Why are you so angry?

Is this your MiL or mum?

I agree with posters don’t let your child spend her pocket money on these gifts.

Sorry but an 11 year old shouldn’t need to buy presents for anyone, it’s ridiculous that she is expected to use one third of her yearly pocket money on other people, MIL sounds awful too.

Great that dd wants to give presents but at 11 years old she isn't working so any present, being homemade or bought, is amazing and should be gratefully received.

She is a child who doesn't generate an income! So of course she cannot buy presents. Her pocket money shouldn't be for gifting! Bless her! Write her name underneath yours on the gifts, and the presents are from all of you! I do buy Quality street for my children to gift to grandparents and an uncle. But they're always told, not to bother!

That’s probably the present she enjoys giving the most!! Totally agree with everyone else that parents should give her a budget for the presents - dog’s present included!

This!

I’ve not read any more of OP’s updates, I’ll admit, but DD is 11! This is more than fine! Jesus!

At 11 a box of £1 chocolates or something is more than enough enough.

I wouldn't expect an 11 year old to spend over £5 of their own money really and if they did I would expect to be really close (parent, best friend, sibling, 'maybe' a grandparent if they are super close and spend lots of time together), I would not expect it for extended family members.

I mean at 11 I would still be buying 'family presents' for people. I think its more like 13/14/15 when kids launch into independent gifting and prior to that theres usually parental (like a dad taking the child out to buy the mam a present etc...).

I would never 'expect' my kids to buy for a whole list of dictated people, part of them learning gifting is learning to navigate social situations, who they want to give to and how to prioritize spending/gifts based on relationships. No one is entitled to a gift just because your blood though.

What is the point of pocket money then?

I genuinely don't get it. I never got pocket money, my friends didn't either. I did sometimes get money for birthdays and Christmas which I saved into my bank. I used that to buy presents.

What is 'pocket money' actually for if not for learning how to save and budget these types of things?

As you said they don't generate income its literally money given to them for nothing while they are a minor and all their 'needs' should be legal met by the guardian.

I mean granted OP daughter is young and shouldn't be 'expected' to do this at her age for all these people but in a couple of years time when she wants to buy her mam a mothers day present or dad a birthday gift etc... though surely thats exactly what her saving up pocket money is for.

It's unreasonable to expect an 11 year old to spend 4 months' pocket money on gifts. Do you spend 4 months of your discretionary budget on Christmas presents? I doubt it. If you want her to buy for that many family members you should give her a Christmas budget for buying gifts.

Your MIL is also unreasonable.

What she does is fine, but expecting her to spend a third of her income on Christmas presents is absurd. You should either give her a Christmas bonus or you should provide things for her to make presents at no cost (baking etc).

Oh gosh she is a lovely child, but how this got to a point that she spends her own cash on christmas gifts for an extended family? I understand mum dad- but even sibling presents should be paid by parents and she should have a job to find it and buy it. Gosh poor child. I would really look into supporting her and giving her a job of buying it, wrapping, not funding it.

I think it's weird to expect an 11 year old to buy presents for anyone apart from maybe their parents and sibling.