First year without a Christmas present

[Esgusudoowchvi]

I've just realised that this will be the first year that I won't receive a Christmas present.

My two children are grown up and both have tiny babies. They've decided that presents should be children only. I'm glad that they can spend on the babies and not worry about anyone else.

Sister suggested children only.

My parents have sadly both died.

I'm meeting friends for Christmas drinks, but we won't be doing gifts.

We haven't arranged secret Santa at work this year.

None of these is a problem. I love buying presents and have enjoyed finding things for my children, grandchildren, niece and nephew. Just unusual to not open a suprise on the day. No big deal though

Forgot to mention that I'm divorced. He was terrible at buying presents anyway!

I think that is absolutely terrible that you’re buying for the kids and the parents are getting nothing for you! I keep telling my mum just to buy for the kids (and then I would buy for her). But she still buys for me and my husband so I buy from me and husband and also from the kids to her

I am really sorry. That’s hard. X

If you're buying for DGC I think it's reasonable for the parents to buy a gift for you, even if it's just a small token gift. I think it's mean not to

Just got the kids is a cop out- they should still be getting you something!!!

I think it’s time to treat yourself to a gift. £30 will buy you a Chanel nail polish with a free charm and a couple of three samples. Or you could increase the budget and treat yourself to a cashmere scarf. A course? Or theatre tickets to the ballet? Something that you wouldn’t normally buy for yourself. Something that fills you with joy and excitement.

I must agree that I think buying for just kids only works where both families have kids and it’s reciprocal. I posted about this a couple of weeks ago and it looks like there are a lot of us who treat ourselves - join us! 😁
www.mumsnet.com/talk/christmas/5454910-does-anyone-else-buy-themselves-presents-for-christmas?page=3&reply=149030904

I would be really sad at that too OP

Thats hard op. Hopefully there will be a little token gift from the grandchildren.

Why not buy yourself a nice gift? Just treat yourself x

I can't imagine not buying my mum a present. I think your children have been pretty mean actually.

Treat yourself to a gift OP. Stop putting everyone else above your needs. You deserve something nice at Christmas too.

Set aside the money you would normally have spent on other people’s presents and use it to buy some things for yourself.

Will you be spending Christmas Day with others?

Buy yourself something nice, something you actually like.
I'm going to do that.

We only buy for the children with family members who also have small children, we still buy for our parents! That seems quite mean. Even a small gesture is nice.

OP my SILs always do this, and I think it’s so transactional. Presents are about giving, not exchanging something of equal value. It’s like saying ‘kids are easy to buy for and their excited reaction is a big payoff, but I can’t be arsed to think of what you might like, and I can’t imagine you getting me anything nice, so let’s agree not to bother.’

I do agree to a budget for the kids but we always shop for my in-laws, they’re family too. It’s not about the money, it costs a couple of quid to show you’ve thought about someone, even a second hand book or a torch or something else they need/want isn’t hard.

On the other hand you could be proud you have raised such non-materialistic children who don’t equate love with overspending on lavish unnecessary presents?!

Speaking of which… if I were you, I’d be ordering a Christmas hamper (e.g. Fortnum’s) and looking forward to unwrapping it when it arrives…! For added drama, tell each child the other one sent it to you. (Just kidding.)

I can’t imagine not buying my parents presents 😱

It’s too late for this year but https://givin.gifts/ does gift exchanges like redditgifts used to where you get matched with someone and you send them a gift and someone else gets matched with you and sends you a gift 😁

Totally agree with the previous posters. The grandparents in our family only buy for the grandchildren as there are so many of them. But we always buy them presents!!

It’s always quite hard to judge because different things work for different families, but if I knew you wouldn’t be getting anything at all there’s no way I would see you go without. Do you think they’ve worked out that you’ll end up without anything, OP, or are they just a bit focused on their own kids to have spotted it? Some folk can be very oblivious this time of year, especially parents of young kids.

Our family is a bit weird. I’m the one with no kids. For the longest time I was getting for the nieces and nephews and all the adults. But they never got me anything, just put money in a card that was usually a bit less than the value of what I’d got them (I don’t care about the value, it’s more the lack of effort, to be honest). So the last few years I’ve just said that I’ll get for the littles but I won’t get for the adults and no one has to get for me either. They were effectively slightly underpaying me for buying them gifts every year, and I actually felt a bit cheesed off that I was making the effort to pick something out and wrap it and send it and whatever and just got a twenty in a card that frankly I don’t really need anyway. The money wasn’t the point. They just couldn’t be arsed. It’s a lot less stressful now. I think both they and I feel a sense of relief at the new arrangement.

All this to say that I don’t think there is a ‘normal’ for these things. But I do entirely understand how it feels to feel no one is prepared to go to a little effort for you.

I’m single since I left XH and now my kids are older they now buy for me. My parents do too and since my divorce my brother and I have exchanged presents. I also still big something for me just because I should!!! I get token gifts from the others but buy myself what I want!! Treat yourself. It’s your Christmas too and see it like someone giving you a gift voucher that you actually want!

I haven’t had any presents for years and am always amazed at how much others get. My family decided to buy just for the kids… when I was single and didn’t have any! So I bought for the kids and sat and watched them open their presents, then watched all the couples exchange gifts, and then watched the kids give their parents gifts and then watched the GPs open theirs… people can be so thoughtless and mean. I don’t bother with any of it any more but I know how you feel OP. It’s just horrible. It’s not that you want a gift… you just want someone to have thought about you. I make sure I get myself some lovely things every year. I have a DD now who’s just old enough to get me a few bits too. So all is good.

I understand OP, it’s so difficult. It’s circumstances like yours that remind me that Christmas isn’t just for children at all.

My siblings (there’s five of us in total) only buy for the children in the family, but I’m the only one without children. I have nine nieces and nephews to buy for.

I know it isn’t the same, but are you able to buy yourself something to open on the day? Like others, I can’t imagine not buying a gift for my DM - she will always get a gift from me.

I love buying presents

Buy one for yourself and put it into a pension fund.

There's enough plastic crap floating around the oceans.

Turtle conservation is a good one too. It's all on FB and Instagram.

Yes, you would think you wouldn’t have to have Sherlockian skills of observation to spot that in a ‘just buy for the kids’ arrangement anyone without kids is going to be disadvantaged.

We are grandparents and just do kids for presents in our family. I am not a present person at all. I get joy from watching the grandchildren open theirs.

By something for yourself! I was 30 when I realised there are no rules and could do that! I enjoy treating myself to something in the black Friday sales, wrapping it up all pretty and addressing to myself (no sender). Nobody ever questions it. No disappointment, it's great 😊

I disagree with a lot of the comments here. It’s really, really hard for young parents at the moment and I think it’s totally reasonable that they have decided to make Xmas gifts about the children only. Tbh I actually think Xmas gifts should be for children only anyway and that the rest of us should just celebrate and spend time together.
I think buy for your grandchildren and then treat yourself to something lovely. Xmas is really about so much more than gifts xx

@quietlysad I disagree only because I think it is important for children to learn about giving/thinking of others (not just receiving). It doesn't have to be a bought gift, something handmade is best. I only buy gifts for people we are with on Christmas day, and my daughter's god parents rather than extended family. This is more for my daughter's benefit, so she can be involved in the act of giving. If no children are involved I think it's ok to agree to not exchange gifts.