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Christmas

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Original poster

First year without a Christmas present

262 replies

Esgusudoowchvi · 16/12/2025 22:57

I've just realised that this will be the first year that I won't receive a Christmas present.

My two children are grown up and both have tiny babies. They've decided that presents should be children only. I'm glad that they can spend on the babies and not worry about anyone else.

Sister suggested children only.

My parents have sadly both died.

I'm meeting friends for Christmas drinks, but we won't be doing gifts.

We haven't arranged secret Santa at work this year.

None of these is a problem. I love buying presents and have enjoyed finding things for my children, grandchildren, niece and nephew. Just unusual to not open a suprise on the day. No big deal though

OP posts:
Needspaceforlego · 17/12/2025 01:45

Op thats pretty thoughtless of them.
Surely they'll at least get you a wee thing from the DGC.

usedtobeaylis · 17/12/2025 01:48

This is why I don't agree with the current trend of this blanket idea of 'Christmas is for kids and we don't need to get gifts for adults'. Actually maybe you don't want to but I would always get a gift for my mum and gran and some other adults in my life. There are a million and one reasons for that. There's absolutely no need to start trying to impose it on other people.

I'm sorry you won't receive anything OP.

Tourmalines · 17/12/2025 02:35

Well of course ‘they’ve’ decided this because it suits them and they don’t have to buy you anything. I think it’s mean spirited . We always bought my parents and in-laws gifts at Christmas even though they didn’t buy for us . But they did for the grandkids . Your kids are thoughtless .

Njx1990 · 17/12/2025 02:40

I would tell your kids that presents for kids, means presents back from "kids"...

Ever since my son was born he has "given" gifts for his grandparents. First it was hand-prints/footprints, then it was little crafts, then little small things that he picked in shops with a hand-drawn card etc.

Its a big part of making sure that the children appreciate the effort that goes into giving, and learn to enjoy giving to others. No way should they just be receiving without giving anything.

That would mean you'd have some sweet and cute kids presents to open each year, which sounds great to me.

Upatthebrackofdawn · 17/12/2025 02:45

dijonketchup · 16/12/2025 23:30

OP my SILs always do this, and I think it’s so transactional. Presents are about giving, not exchanging something of equal value. It’s like saying ‘kids are easy to buy for and their excited reaction is a big payoff, but I can’t be arsed to think of what you might like, and I can’t imagine you getting me anything nice, so let’s agree not to bother.’

I do agree to a budget for the kids but we always shop for my in-laws, they’re family too. It’s not about the money, it costs a couple of quid to show you’ve thought about someone, even a second hand book or a torch or something else they need/want isn’t hard.

On the other hand you could be proud you have raised such non-materialistic children who don’t equate love with overspending on lavish unnecessary presents?!

Speaking of which… if I were you, I’d be ordering a Christmas hamper (e.g. Fortnum’s) and looking forward to unwrapping it when it arrives…! For added drama, tell each child the other one sent it to you. (Just kidding.)

How is their suggestion non-materialistic?

They’re happy for OP to buy gifts for them And their children.

It’s just that they won’t buy for her (or any other adults)

I opened this thread thinking you were being OTT by the title but given the circumstances I can understand why you feel sad. I would probably just buy for the grandkids and say to your kids well they’re adults so they don’t need a gift either according to their logic.

Upatthebrackofdawn · 17/12/2025 02:52

Sunflower459 · 17/12/2025 00:19

Yes, you would think you wouldn’t have to have Sherlockian skills of observation to spot that in a ‘just buy for the kids’ arrangement anyone without kids is going to be disadvantaged.

Show quote history

Yeah it’s the same idea with those who say birthdays are only for kids.

I stopped celebrating my friends kids birthdays (she has 3 of them) as often I wouldn’t even get a text (from her) on mine and I only got a present once.

I think the final straw for me was when she made a dig about “aunties” not calling her daughter on her 13th which was a slap in the face considering I had given her daughter carefully chosen presents many years and that year had sent money for something she wanted as it was her 13th. She didn’t tell her daughter to text to thank the adults in her life for sending presents instead she was picking at us for calling 🙄 despite the fact I was seeing her that weekend at her party and did of course tell her happy bday in person.

The following year I just didn’t attend her kids party or send any presents and did the same with the other two kids she has. And I never have since. I will buy presents for any friends having newborns /baby showers, but that’s about it nowadays.

Power26 · 17/12/2025 02:52

it is and it isn’t sad

personally for me and my family/friends, it tends to be token gifts so I don’t feel I would be missing out on anything should I not receive a gift. Only one person in my life really buys thoughtful things that are genuinely a joy to receive but the rest is mainly Xmas gift sets.

i get that it’s the thought that counts and something may be better than nothing. But maybe this year get yourself something on account of having some extra funds for not exchanging presents as before? Personally I am saving anything I buy between now and Christmas for opening on Christmas Day itself. For practical reasons too, I’m working the rest of this week then off next week, so I don’t really have the time to be faffing with my own parcels until then.

Charminggoldfinch · 17/12/2025 04:01

I agree with all PPs that the only buying for the kids rule only works where all households have kids. It’s pretty thoughtless for a household who has kids to accept gifts year in year out and never even give a small thoughtful gift from the kids back (even something handmade). At best it’s thoughtless - and they don’t realise the hurt it causes especially for childless not by choice households (ie it’s actually showing that a household isn’t worth thought and care unless you have a child) - and at worst it’s basically teaching the kids it’s okay to accept gifts year and not reciprocate the care in return or think of the other persons needs.

In my DHs family this rule also extends to birthday gifts and cards now (no - none of them struggle financially).

I hope you buy yourself a nice treat OP - if not now then at least in the sales after Xmas!

hattie43 · 17/12/2025 07:02

Lindy2 · 16/12/2025 23:08

I can't imagine not buying my mum a present. I think your children have been pretty mean actually.

Treat yourself to a gift OP. Stop putting everyone else above your needs. You deserve something nice at Christmas too.

Absolutely this .

Overthebow · 17/12/2025 07:07

In inlaws family everyone only buys for the kids. So we buy MIL and FIL little presents from the kids so they still get something.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/12/2025 07:07

We do ‘kids only’ in both families but we still buy for DP’s and PIL’s, as they are buying for the kids, plus like PP, can’t imagine not buying my DM a gift. Same goes for BIL and SIL who don’t have any kids

Buy yourself something nice.

Daisy12Maisie · 17/12/2025 08:38

I think you should just get yourself something nice if you would like something.

I always got my mum something nice before she passed away but I did find it an odd concept because she was financially comfortable at the time and I was struggling. I would have preferred to just buy a small token and her not buy things for me but she loved Christmas and wanted to buy gifts and for her children to buy gifts for her so that was how we did things.

For my children who are late teens I buy them things although they are mainly useful things eg socks, boxers, aftershave etc but they don’t buy me things as I think it’s a strange concept. I’m trying to help my children establish themselves financially with driving lessons etc and getting money together for uni etc so I don’t want them spending money on me.
If we had unlimited money as a family that would be different but we don’t. So I think it’s probably a good idea what your adult children are doing if you are comfortable financially and they are struggling financially a bit with young families.
That’s just my take on it and I hope they do other nice things for you even if it’s just making you a cup of tea.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 17/12/2025 08:44

Watching with interest as my adult children are beginning to produce children of their own, but I have a couple who are childfree and choosing to remain so. I know the suggestion of 'just buying for the children' is going to come up, but how on earth could I navigate this - apart from saying 'you lot are my children, so I shall continue to buy for you'?

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 17/12/2025 08:46

Your kids should be buying you a gift! I was a single mum with a small baby and no money but I still got my mum a Christmas present…

Pancakeflipper · 17/12/2025 08:47

Please buy yourself some treats.

EchoedSilence · 17/12/2025 08:52

I think your kids are being a bit mean. A token box of chocolates wouldn't be difficult for them to buy for you. I'd be a bit sad too.

HolyMoly24 · 17/12/2025 09:01

This is thoughtless of your daughters. I have a single Aunt that we see regularly and we told her to just buy for the kids (if she wants to!) but we all still buy for her.

jadoreyes · 17/12/2025 09:03

Just buying for the kids only works if everyone is in the same boat.

Heluvathing · 17/12/2025 09:10

No wonder you’re upset. My kids want to do secret Santa now . That means I get one small present when I’m spending a fortune on everyone else. I do feel a bit sorry for myself.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 17/12/2025 09:17

I will never understand this “treat yourself”, “buy yourself some presents” bollocks.

Grown up women can buy themselves anything they like any time they want to. How is buying yourself something at Christmas a “treat” or a “present”?

It’s shitty getting absolutely nothing for Christmas and it’s ok to be sad about it. Buying yourself something doesn’t make up for it.

notacooldad · 17/12/2025 09:18

In your shoes I would definitely be saying something to
kids if they were so unkind to exclude you from getting a present, if if they have done it without thinking things through.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 17/12/2025 09:19

Heluvathing · 17/12/2025 09:10

No wonder you’re upset. My kids want to do secret Santa now . That means I get one small present when I’m spending a fortune on everyone else. I do feel a bit sorry for myself.

How are you spending a fortune though? Secret Santa means you only have to buy one present. They can’t have it both ways.

notacooldad · 17/12/2025 09:21

My kids want to do secret Santa now . That means I get one small present when I’m spending a fortune on everyone else. I do feel a bit sorry for myself.

Did you not say that to them?
I would have spoken up and said, ' hang on a minute!, this is a cop out and we are not a work place, please put some effort into gifts'

Duvetdayforme · 17/12/2025 09:21

Do you have no pets @Esgusudoowchvi?

Mine are exceptionally generous to me at Christmas and birthdays.

If not, doesn’t your neighbour have a cat that’s very fond of you and can buy and wrap a present for you to go under your tree?

rainbowstardrops · 17/12/2025 09:23

I think that’s a bit mean if your children too. Even just a small token gift would be nice for you to open.
Will you be spending Christmas Day together?