Page 10 | First year without a Christmas present

Cornishclio · 18/12/2025 00:33

I think that is mean. We do presents for immediate family so I buy for my husband, 2 daughters, son in law and 2 grandchildren. I also buy flowers and Prosecco for my mum as otherwise she wouldn’t get anything although she says every year she doesn’t want anything. I get gifts from my daughters, husband and grandchildren.

why are you buying for your children if they have said children only? They are grown ups. If you buy for them they should get you something. I cannot imagine my children opening presents and them not getting me anything. It is just mean.

DidIJustHearWhatIThinkYouSaid · 18/12/2025 00:40

NewNameforThisPost2025 · 17/12/2025 19:06

Hello, you replied to me but addressed OP! Not sure who you meant, but I'll take your warm wishes anyway! Thank you xxx

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Sorry for the confusion , I was trying to agree with and ‘second ‘ your message to the OP - and definitely warm wishes and unmumsnetty hugs to both you and the OP .

DBD1975 · 18/12/2025 00:45

OP buy yourself a lovely present, please treat yourself.

Tourmalines · 18/12/2025 01:13

RogueFemale · 17/12/2025 20:09

@Esgusudoowchvi "None of these is a problem. I love buying presents and have enjoyed finding things for my children, grandchildren, niece and nephew. Just unusual to not open a suprise on the day. No big deal though"

I agree, no big deal, and I don't see why you're posting, except to get pity?

You're lucky to have family. Many people have nobody.

If every feeling had to be cancelled out because of somebody having it worse , nobody would be allowed to speak at all . Not sure that’s the point of this forum . It’s neither insiteful or kind .

DeborahVance · 18/12/2025 02:24

I think it's really bad for kids not to see that you give as well as recieve.

My kids have always given presents to DH and me. I can't remember when they started paying for them themselves but definitely by the time they were at secondary school they would buy us something for a fiver or so. When they were little choosing something small to wrap up was part of Christmas and birthdays. It's really not about the money.

Edited for repetition

SillyDoriswithaDangler · 18/12/2025 02:26

My sister and I don’t buy anything for each other but we still buy our mum something. The no presents for adults doesn’t extend to your own parents!

Baconking · 18/12/2025 05:25

I've always bought for my parents and childless sibling when we decided to just buy for kids.
To me that rule only applies to those with small children

Happilyobtuse · 18/12/2025 06:47

Bollocksmorelike · 17/12/2025 19:44

I’ve had several years when I didn’t receive anything. Family and friends often said “kids only” but I didn’t have kids.
Tbh I knocked most of these on the head when I didn’t receive even a recognition of the gifts/money, let alone a thank you.
Until this thread it didn’t actually occur to me but maybe I have been conned here!!! Thirty plus years of buying nieces, cousins, friends gifts and nothing ever back as it’s just for kids 😆
Op I do feel for you, I hope your kids surprise you x

That is awful and so horrible that your family didn’t realise that if they did “kids only” you would receive nothing. If my kid got a present from anyone they would receive a present in return from my child. My kids get presents for their grandparents and I give separate presents from myself and DH. My parents have always been so generous with us that I would never think of not getting them gifts. Life is too short not to love your family and show them how much they mean. I am so sorry they haven’t valued you!

Misshollys · 18/12/2025 06:56

That's very selfish behavior, hopefully your kids will realise you're being left out. My son always gives his gran a gift.

paddlinglikecrazy · 18/12/2025 07:25

Sorry to hear this, I agree with the majority here. We as a family only buy for the kids, but we all buy for my parents and in-laws and my one Sister that doesn’t have any kids.
I’d definitely be treating myself to something nice if I were you x

Mere1 · 18/12/2025 07:28

RogueFemale · 17/12/2025 20:09

@Esgusudoowchvi "None of these is a problem. I love buying presents and have enjoyed finding things for my children, grandchildren, niece and nephew. Just unusual to not open a suprise on the day. No big deal though"

I agree, no big deal, and I don't see why you're posting, except to get pity?

You're lucky to have family. Many people have nobody.

This is true but very harsh.

Christmaseree · 18/12/2025 07:30

I’m not impressed with your DC.

How about buying yourself an advent calender or 12 days of Christmas box and opening all the doors on Christmas morning?

Muddyevil · 18/12/2025 07:35

I cannot imagine not getting my parents gifts, they over the years traipsed out to find my presents (alot harder to do than now!). They've put in their work now it's my time to think of them. If things are tight I've at very least got them done nice chocs, a cheap book etc.

Rottweilermummy · 18/12/2025 08:11

Im sure your children will buy you something. I think many families mine included have said no adults but I have always bought my mum a present and MIL . Be very mean if you dont get anything . You'll have to let us know if you get one.

DelphineDonkeys · 18/12/2025 08:18

Cursula · 17/12/2025 23:40

This is all so weird! We give presents to all family members. That means that the childless uncle give to nieces/nephews and they give in return. And parents give to adult children and vice versa. I cannot understand why you would be giving to someone who wasn’t reciprocating, however ‘token’ it might be.
As a child, I saved my pocket money as well as making homemade gifts, and had a list of 14 people I had to give to each year. I had so much pleasure working out what I would buy/make for each person.
i also did hand written thank you notes to everyone, unless i had seen them on Christmas Day.
my children do the same, and they love getting ‘thank yous’ as well.

Me and dh are both from big families with 3 and 4 siblings each plus all their partners and most have one or two children as well. We just buy for the kids and our parents/parents in law. This means no childless aunts or uncles go without gifts as they still exchange with the grandparents and grandparents still buy for everyone. We've basically just saved money by the middle generation adults just not having to buy for each other and everyone is happy with that.

If I only had one sibling it wouldn't matter as it would just be 2 less presents for them and their partner if that makes sense, but when you're one of 5 it's 8 less presents to have to buy, and like 6 less for dh's side potentially.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 18/12/2025 08:25

DelphineDonkeys · 18/12/2025 08:18

Me and dh are both from big families with 3 and 4 siblings each plus all their partners and most have one or two children as well. We just buy for the kids and our parents/parents in law. This means no childless aunts or uncles go without gifts as they still exchange with the grandparents and grandparents still buy for everyone. We've basically just saved money by the middle generation adults just not having to buy for each other and everyone is happy with that.

If I only had one sibling it wouldn't matter as it would just be 2 less presents for them and their partner if that makes sense, but when you're one of 5 it's 8 less presents to have to buy, and like 6 less for dh's side potentially.

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As long as you bear in mind that once the grandparents have gone those aunts and uncles who still don't have kids will have no one to exchange with.

We have a big family as well and there have been 20+ people at previous Christmasses. There have been times when we've tried to introduce a system (eg X branch of family and Y buy gifts for each other), but they don't last because we'd all rather have a nice little stack of very small gifts than one or two slightly larger ones!

DelphineDonkeys · 18/12/2025 08:30

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 18/12/2025 08:25

As long as you bear in mind that once the grandparents have gone those aunts and uncles who still don't have kids will have no one to exchange with.

We have a big family as well and there have been 20+ people at previous Christmasses. There have been times when we've tried to introduce a system (eg X branch of family and Y buy gifts for each other), but they don't last because we'd all rather have a nice little stack of very small gifts than one or two slightly larger ones!

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Yes I will bear that in mind, it's a good point.

Shedeboodinia · 18/12/2025 09:06

I bought my own birthday presents last year. I had a lovely afternoon round the shops on my own, then gave them to my kids to wrap for me.
I got some marks amd spencer champagne glasses, a nightdress, a book I wanted, some expensive hand lotion and my favourite mascara.
Go and spend an afternoon shopping and buy yourself a few nice bits. Wrap them up and put them under the tree. Open on Christmas day.
It was pretty great opening my presents as they were just what I wanted 😂I even got the right size and colour.
It was nice to havr a few lovely bits that I wouldnt usually buy as well. Things I had been eyeing up for a while but always said to myself I didn't 'need'.
I was very pleased with my presents even though I bought and paid for them 😂

blondiepigtails · 18/12/2025 09:27

My very elderly widowed dad doesn't buy any presents but I would never not buy him one. A long standing single friend joins us for our family christmas. She always gets a present because I couldn't have her sitting there empty handed. Same for my single sister.

PeachShaker · 18/12/2025 11:22

Presents just for kids is typically a mutual agreement for people who ALL have kids. So if siblings to friends all have kids, they may agree to do kids only. My brother in law has done this. He has no kids but both his brothers do so he gets my child and my nephews gifts. That’s fair (I admit I wish it wasn’t that way as I love a gift myself and my parents are also dead so it’s just my husband buying me a gift and from our child, but that’s something).

It’s very much not fair to buy someone gifts for their child/ren and get nothing back as you don’t have child age children. Even more so when it is actually your children you are buying a gift for (they want it to be more for the child).

id mention you’re sad it’s your first Christmas without a gift asap and hope they decide to get a token. And definitely buy yourself something. I’ve had mutual gift arrangements before with close friends who lacked family/ partner. That was really fun

MsOtisReflects · 18/12/2025 11:28

mention you’re sad

Bollocks to that. I would be letting your graceless offspring know exactly what I think of them.

RainySundayAfternoon · 18/12/2025 12:35

Pollqueen · 16/12/2025 23:01

If you're buying for DGC I think it's reasonable for the parents to buy a gift for you, even if it's just a small token gift. I think it's mean not to

I agree with this! Bit inconsiderate of them 😢

RainySundayAfternoon · 18/12/2025 12:36

The other thing to do is buy yourself something lovely and frivolous or self indulgent. I know it’s not the same though 🥲

OchreReader · 18/12/2025 12:40

museumum · 17/12/2025 12:06

I disagree with presents for children only. For a few reasons - we should show all our loved ones they matter to us, old and young, children should see Christmas is about giving, not just receiving, children should see people being kind and generous and thoughtful to other adults (how else will they learn to be kind and generous adults). Nobody should be left with nothing to open on Christmas or their birthday, even if that thing is a voucher or promise of a future experience together.
If money is a concern, spend less on everyone, don't leave people out.

Well said. Christmas is for goodwill to all, and leaving people out so more money can be spent on others is exactly what reduces it to commercialised nonsense. When their parents are no longer there they will learn that small things ( a thoughtful, if inexpensive, gift for parents) are actually the big things

Feministamum · 18/12/2025 12:50

Is it time to think about you and to buy the best most beautiful, fun presents you have ever had that really bring you Joy this Christmas? Other people can disappoint but I don't think we should disappoint ourselves? I'm in a similar situation and just wanted to let you know that my Christmas's have actually got better since I stopped expecting other people to make them really enjoyable! Best Wishes🎄