First year without a Christmas present

[Esgusudoowchvi]

I've just realised that this will be the first year that I won't receive a Christmas present.

My two children are grown up and both have tiny babies. They've decided that presents should be children only. I'm glad that they can spend on the babies and not worry about anyone else.

Sister suggested children only.

My parents have sadly both died.

I'm meeting friends for Christmas drinks, but we won't be doing gifts.

We haven't arranged secret Santa at work this year.

None of these is a problem. I love buying presents and have enjoyed finding things for my children, grandchildren, niece and nephew. Just unusual to not open a suprise on the day. No big deal though

Blimey so your children would rather buy a tiny baby a present than you? I still bought my parents presents when my kids were v little. No excuse

I think that’s very selfish of your children to not consider you, after all the years that you would have bought for them, and now their children. They are not children, they are adults and should have more empathy and awareness.

That is terrible OP. Sorry to hear how selfish your children are. Always one way with some folks. I expect they would be shocked if you decided not to buy for your grandkids.....

It’s about wanting a small gesture to show that you’re being thought of and considered, isn’t it? That was my point in my earlier post. I was spending time and effort selecting gifts with care for grown adults and then getting a tenner stuffed (I suspect rather resentfully) into a card and I thought, why am I bothering with this? I don’t need the money, it’s something small and thoughtful I want when that’s what I’m doing for others.

Sometimes it really is the thought that counts.

Gift-giving is such a huge part of Christmas culture that it's not surprising that 'I'm not getting you a gift because (enter x suit-yourself reason)' is easily construed as 'I can't be fucked thinking of you any more'. Because not buying presents for adults isn't being replaced by anything - it's just a cut-off.

It sounds like a big change for you this year, but it’s great that your family is focusing on the little ones and spending time together. It’s understandable to miss the surprise of receiving a gift, but it’s wonderful that you still get to enjoy giving.

I think I’d say you’re only buying fir yourself this year as no one else is getting you a gift.

I’d love to see your DC’s faces!

Im assuming you’re expected to stump up quite a lot for the children?

If you still want to get the children gifts, I would do so but make it a more modest affair. Your own DC are taking you very much for granted.

Are you still buying presents for your children, who are adults with kids themselves? But your children have said to just buy for the kids? So why are you buying your children presents then? How would they feel not to receive anything from you?

I long ago accepted that Christmas would be very different for me present-wise. My OH has died - so no present there. My DDs know that I do not want stuff, but give me a calendar each year - and I think this year they are planning to jointly give me a subscription to National Theatre Live at Home.

I buy for them as a family (photo albums of their life through the past year) and for any GC who are under 21.

I think it is a shame that your family do not come up with some small thing for you, but absolutely agree with other posters that you shoukd tr4eat yourself to something you will enjoy.

I am sending you season's greetings.

You’ve misunderstood my point. Buying yourself something wouldn’t make you feel thought of and considered would it. That’s the problem.

I suspect you do mind a little bit, OP, or you probably wouldn't have posted. I know money is tight when you have small children but however much I struggled financially I would never have not got my mum a christmas present (or PILS). I think it's mean and selfish of them and I'm sorry they are that way. A small gift just shows you appreciate and are thinking of someone. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas. ❤️

obviously buying yourself something isn’t going to be exactly the same experience as someone else getting it for you. I mean, the fact the funds are coming from your own bank account is going to be a huge tell.

However the point you’re missing is that quite often, people get themselves gifts after the shitty scenario the PP described. It might come after experiencing a shitty scenario and not wanting to rely on others for joy if it isn’t reciprocated. So buying yourself a gift doesn’t correct what happened before, but it may be something you can do for yourself to soften the blow, especially if you’re redirecting the funds you may have wasted on others towards yourself.

It’s my first year no present too - I’m a widow and my daughter has said just the kids this year. So I bought myself a new coffee machine, happy Christmas to me, having said that, it would have been nice to open one surprise.

I would be sad too OP.

Definitely buy yourself a few nice things. I like the idea of a hamper mentioned above, plus someone mentioned British Boxer pyjamas on another thread and I'm now really yearning for some!

The Christmas gift tradition is supposed to be an exchange of gifts, not one person buying gifts for others and not getting anything back. So I would be cutting back on the amount I spend. Also so many people don’t bother at all with a big Christmas on the day, they exchange presents days before and go away. Maybe time to think about what you want out of the Christmas break. Christmas doesn’t have to be just about the present’s and family, it can be a restorative time where you do things you don’t normally do and get out of routine. I would be so tempted to just skip it entirely and go away.

I get the no adults thing, we don't buy brothers/sisters etc now we have children but I think grandparents are different, my mother and mil do so much to help with the kids so I always get them nice gifts from their grandchildren.
Anyway If i were you I would buy yourself some special gifts that you wouldn't normally buy

If I thought my mum wasn't going to get a present, there's no way I'd not get her something.

I think you should take yourself shopping and buy a few nice bits as a Christmas present for yourself with the money you would have spent on family.

Maybe next year join a secret santa, there are usually some on FB groups etc if you join one related to something you're interesting in (gardening, food, beauty etc). You might be able to get some recommendations on here.

Just buying for kids work where the families are in the same position. So two siblings each with 2 kids can agree to just buy for each other's children. However where there isn't a child in the house as in your case your DC absolutely should be buying for you.

I haven’t misunderstood you. I’m agreeing with you.

I think so too.

Are you sure your children meant that they wouldn’t get you anything? They maybe just meant for you not to worry with them and just do their children/your grandchildren only

That's so sad your children aren't getting you anything! My siblings and I don't use the excuse of having children- we always buy for our mother, we all 3 have kids- from small to pre-teen! The thought of her not getting anything saddens me.

Aww I think it’s a shame your children aren’t getting you something. Has it occurred to them you won’t be hearing a single gift? I have a baby but can’t imagine not getting my mum a Christmas present!

In the past I have chosen a friend who wont get a gift to exchange with - albeit only a 10 er or so.

But I havent yet met anyone who buys me presents I really love, like yes am grateful yes but hey ho

Treat yourself. That’s what I have done.