First year without a Christmas present

[Esgusudoowchvi]

I've just realised that this will be the first year that I won't receive a Christmas present.

My two children are grown up and both have tiny babies. They've decided that presents should be children only. I'm glad that they can spend on the babies and not worry about anyone else.

Sister suggested children only.

My parents have sadly both died.

I'm meeting friends for Christmas drinks, but we won't be doing gifts.

We haven't arranged secret Santa at work this year.

None of these is a problem. I love buying presents and have enjoyed finding things for my children, grandchildren, niece and nephew. Just unusual to not open a suprise on the day. No big deal though

My DGD got upset for the first time last Christmas because her mum didn't have anything to unwrap (we transfer money to our children's accounts so they can get what they want for themselves).

So I've withdrawn cash this year and put it in a gift box for under her tree. I've also bought inexpensive stuff to wrap up for her: box of biscuits, chocolate, soap, socks. And she's also wrapped some new clothes for herself to put under the tree so she should have a fair few presents this year to unwrap alongside her children.

My brother lives a solitary life and I can't bear to think of him having nothing to unwrap so I always take him a few things - he hasn't put up a tree since our mum died.

I have had to buy my own present for the past couple of years - it still goes under the tree and I'm so excited to open it because it's fabulous and exactly what I want.

I used to get quite a few bunches of flowers over Christmas and I've had to resort to buying my own for a while now. I've probably said 'oh you shouldn't bother' - and they haven't.

I think presents to yourself are more common than we think.

OP - buy yourself something fabulous.

I would think when someone suggests the kids that they don't mean adult children. Id maybe check with them because they might not be expecting gifts.
Any money you would usually spend on gifts for adults spend on yourself! Buy yourself something really special and enjoy it.

Its 8 days until Christmas, anyone that thinks their self proclaimed gift buying enjoying mother hasn't bought them anything when they drop the 'no presents' bomb is being manipulative and disingenuous.

Also even if they announced months ago its not their place to decide that others don't get to participate in giving... I mean is the argument really that OP doesn't get to GIVE or RECEIVE, like that makes it any better.

This is their mother, the person who has poured into them their whole lives, who has gifted them all their lifelong Christmases, outside of an 'abusive relationship' (no hint thats the OP situation) theres not really a suitable excuse of not bothering to even give a token of care to your mam, its just rude.

I would agree with adult children with their own children saying to their parents to just buy for the grandkids and not for them. However,I expect the adult children to still buy for their parents.

I see your point , I just think if money is really tight adults in a family might decide between them to just keep the gift giving side of Christmas for kids only. Id still buy something for any adult giving my child a present (from the child) if they didn't have a kid I was buying for in return.
I just think clarification might help as if OP's children aren't expecting presents themselves then OP can spend the money elsewhere (on herself!).

You need to buy yourself a gift xx

I would just tell them. Say I get that you only want to do the children but it means I wont be receiving a gift from anyone. Maybe they just don't realise. I do secret santa with my siblings but we always get our parents a separate gift.

I only ever had my mum buy for me for christmas but shes been gone coming uo a year ive never had anyone else buy for me my childrens dad's dont. So im the same this year not a single thing but im not bothered as long as my kids get everything they want its all about seeing them happy

Your grown up kids are horrible if they don’t get you presents “from the grandkids” and involve them in making you a card etc..

I’ve said to my mum to only buy for the kids I.e. not for us. But I’ll still buy her some bits from the grandkids to say thanks for all she does for them. Same for my ILs.

this is so sad. I’d mention to your family that you won’t be receiving anything for Christmas

It's not the money, it's the principle.

Of course your kids should get you a token present.

We do secret santa with the adults which keeps the cost down but means everyone still gets something.

you may not want to, and I understand if not, but I’d like to send you a Christmas present, my instagram is “the visual narrator”, if you’d like OP, message me your address x

I do hope there is a present, even if small. All these years and now people want to just spend on children.

sit there, and when asked what have you had for Christmas (maybe even initiate the conversation), say I’ve not had anything this year sadly.

Then I hope you only spent a portion of your spend and bloody go treat yourself to all the things you were hoping to get. And do NOT feel guilty.

sorry, Christmas is for everyone.

You poor thing OP! I can’t imagine not buying my mum a present for Christmas and we aren’t even Christian. She is abroad this year but I have bought her the Estee Lauder big gift set, I will send her the pic on Christmas day and will give it to her when I see her in March. I hope your children surprise you on the day. It would be grabby of them to expect gifts for their kids and give you nothing in return.

I don’t buy my parents gifts, they ask me not too and say to spend on my kids. Some of these comments are daft not everyone is made of money!

I hear you, OP. I don't get presents anymore, either. I lost my second parent in late 2024, and my husband walked out on me a few years ago. No kids. I do have a sister, but we just do bank transfers as we live far apart. My dad became too ill/old to do gifts in recent years, so he would just give me 100 pounds cash in a card. I haven't actually had any presents to unwrap for about five years now.

It's not the gifts themselves. It's what the lack of them means: No one who really loves me.

But that's fine. I can love myself better, to quote a corny song line! And anyway, what's so great about being loved. The people who have loved me have always wanted their pound of flesh in exchange. No love = no pounds of flesh extracted, right?? Or maybe that's just me. My parents became increasingly selfish and demanding in their old age and nearly drove me off a cliff with despair by haranguing me for grandchildren for years, all while I was dealing with a very emotionally abusive husband, who eventually devalued me so much that he discarded me.

No love + no gifts = peace

That's so down!
This year buy yourself something as blooming gorgeous as yourself, you deserve it!
Next year the rule is as you've decreed; Adults to exchange small, but thoughtful suitable presents with eachother within relevant pre-decided budget range
My family don't call me Queen/GreyBee for nothing!

Oooh, I saw that set! Lovely gift. Did you get the warm or cool?

I haven’t opened a present since I was a child I don’t think 🤔 I genuinely can’t remember when. But I don’t have any family I’m in contact with (care system growing up). Me and my friends don’t do ‘gifts’ and don’t even tell anyone when my birthday is (I know that’s weird but I grew up doing that) 🤣 Christmas really doesn’t mean anything to me though, due to the no family thing growing up so I do appreciate that’s a totally different circumstance to yours. I know it’s not the same as thoughtful gift, but treat yourself 🎁

I have kids and tell my mum etc not to buy for me. I still absolutely buy for her though! Maybe money is tight with mat leave though.

that is why presents for kids only is wrong
very unfair op

We do children only in my family , but the grandparents always get a little gift too . It is sad not to have anything . Like you say it’s not really about the gift more about the token of having something on the day, it’s part of Christmas! I’d be upset if your children didn’t think to get anything for you even a small thing from the grandchildren x

Most people aren't 'made of money' they still care about their parents and don't exclude them.

You really couldn't be arsed to print out some photos of the kids and frame them or make something with the kids or buy a little token?

All most parents don't make a fuss about themselves and say 'oh, don't worry about me as long as you and the kids are fine' it doesn't actually mean 'don't bother, just forget me'. You should WANT to include your parents, it speaks volumes to people character that they excuse this as 'my mam said don't bother' so I put no thought and effort in.

I use to make £12k a year as a single mam, I lived rural in the middle of nowhere, didn't drive and had no internet... still managed to buy my own mam a little something when I was buying the kids stuff. Its basic decency.

I don't believe that it's not a big deal. It would be to me.

OP, as much as it is wonderful to be loved and thought of by others, a quick read on here will show that there are many who can’t really rely on that. The disappearing ex husbands, the thoughtless grown children, (or maybe children never happened), the indifferent family members.
I asked a friend once how she managed to receive such lovely gifts from her husband and she said, ‘I tell him, you’ve bought me xxx for Christmas, it’s wrapped and under the tree and I’ve taken the money out of the joint account’.
The best person to love us is ourselves. At Christmas I make sure I love myself by buying treats- nice makeup, bath stuff, clothes, a book and I wrap and put them into a Santa sack just for me. The best present I got me was an Advent beauty calendar last year as I didn’t know what would be in it so each day was a nice surprise. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself- you’re worth it. I wish you every happiness for Christmas and the New Year.
🎄🎁🎄