When is the right time to let your child know Father Christmas isn’t real?

[Greyhoundnewbie]

My Husband thinks they should know before secondary school. And I do agree really. But my Dd is 9 and the youngest in her year (year 5) and she completely and utterly believes in all of it.
I feel like after this year, 1 more Christmas, and the she needs to know, it feels so harsh.

Just looking for other views, and what some of you have done in the past. All my friends have younger children so I can’t get any advice in real life.

My DC1 still believed at age 11 (I know some people may come on the thread and say that can't possibly be true, but he did). We told him in the summer holidays before starting secondary.

Definitely before secondary school as most other children will know by then and may make fun of her if she still believes.

Probably best discussed outside of Christmas period so she has time to process

I think it's kinder to have that chat in the spring and summer so there is some distance to Christmas.

Has she watched Miracle on 34th Street or the Tim Allen Santa Clause film? The plots where the world/adults don't think Santa exists are a gentle way of helping kids piece it together.

Does she actually believe though I think some kids just go along with it as they think they won't get presents if they don't.

Ideally it should be for them to find out and tell you. Though I agree that if they have said nothing, before secondary school.

Great ideas, thank you.
oh she absolutely believes bless her.

When they tell you with a pitying look.

I always said he is magic and I would also say magic is not real because I didn’t want to tell them something untrue and lie, but wanted a little magic and hopefully they think it’s something parents do as fun (or even something parents believe so don’t spoil it for them!!)

They worked it out and humoured me for a few years more.

My son believed to a degree last year and he was 12 😵‍💫. We still didn’t have the “talk” but this year he doesn’t believe. It just happens organically I think. They work it out themselves 🤷🏻‍♀️. I also have a 24 year old and he worked it out for himself when he was about 11 or 12 and I have a 9 year old who still believes. Why tell them? I have a friend who told her kids Santa wasn’t real and they were devastated.

I was never told I just figured it out myself 😂

I told mine on their 10th birthday. Now they were double figures I could let them into the big secret.

I didn’t want them going to secondary still believing.

Surely kids just work it out for themselves unless you have gone to some insanely elaborate lengths to keep them believing in it

I always thought most kids were just pretending after the age of six or so

I think you just have to start dropping hints from January onwards, just casual and every now and then. So that the penny can slowly start to drop. She really needs to be questioning it all by next Christmas even if she goes along with it.

I think also the amazing things now like the NORAD Santa tracker can make things much more believable so maybe don’t this ( if you usually do) this year. So she can see the ‘home made’ Santa a little bit more.

I distinctly remember my neighbor who was 2 years older than me (I was 8) saying “it’s not Santa, it’s your mum and dad”. I remember feeling a bit sad but it wasn’t devastating and definitely made more sense than the idea of some old man flying around the entire world in one night.

@ArmySurplusHamster bit harsh

yes maybe she will work it out by then. I suppose kids in the class with older siblings will likely tell her by next year.

Yes she should certainly know before secondary school. You don’t need to do it as a terrible bolt from the blue though.

I think part of the problem comes from people doing Father Christmas too perfectly with so much effort being put into ensuring the child never suspects. Get a bit lazier about it- write the labels in your own handwriting, use the same wrapping paper for Santa that has sat in the drawer all year etc etc. give them enough evidence to work it out for themselves gradually and then the will feel pleased and clever to have done so, rather than completely deceiving them and then making them feel distraught when you finally confess.

I told mine they had to keep it a secret. They had a very much younger set of cousins and I didn’t want them to tell them - and they didn’t. They really loved being”in” on the secret.

@AnneofBohemia yes good idea. I did wonder whether getting caught with the same wrapping paper would start some questions this year.

but I also have a 6 year old son who I don’t want to ruin it for! 😆

And mine had all been asking lots of questions on the couple of years before I officially told them - so they definitely suspected. The autistic one most of all because they could see that the logic didn’t work.

Realistically, I don’t think you need to say anything - lots of children will realise slowly and then go along with it.

Just because they don’t come and tell you “I know it isn’t real” doesn’t mean you have to sit them down and tell them.

I mean, how much talk about Santa goes on in the average secondary school anyway?

My Dc always played along and never ever let on they didn’t know, except once when Dd1 was 10 and we went to a grotto with niece who was 3. DN was super excited to see Santa, and Dd turned round and gave me a little conspiratorial smile.

I don’t think you need to burst their bubble with a serious “chat”. Just make it slightly more obvious this year if you really think she hasn’t cottoned on. But I bet she has.

My DD was a believer when she was 10. I was also worried but her first year of senior school she just doesn’t so I didn’t need to do anything. They act like they believe because they want it to be true. It doesn’t mean that deep down they know it isn’t.

I never told them. I thought kids worked it out themselves.

I already suspected just because of, well, logic but the nail in the coffin was when my dad started talking one year about how difficult it was to find a specific present that he had forgotten “Santa” had given me. So you could always try that 😂

My LO is only four and I’m over it already, we’ve had the big Santa discussion where they asked questions and we were honest that we are Santa. If she has forgotten by next year I’ll remind her, I doubt she will because all the kids in the family sussed it this year.

We’re going to start using Christmas as a time to teach her about being giving and doing good for others. I’m not sad, I think Santa is a bit silly if I’m being honest, I’m glad it’s out the way.

Mine are 22 and 17 and never had the talk - they just worked it out for themselves. I agree with pp most 9year olds have a fairly good idea it can't be true but some say it and others ignore it because they want it to be true. I never stopped talking about Santa coming they just looked at me with pittying eyes!