When is the right time to let your child know Father Christmas isn’t real?

[Greyhoundnewbie]

My Husband thinks they should know before secondary school. And I do agree really. But my Dd is 9 and the youngest in her year (year 5) and she completely and utterly believes in all of it.
I feel like after this year, 1 more Christmas, and the she needs to know, it feels so harsh.

Just looking for other views, and what some of you have done in the past. All my friends have younger children so I can’t get any advice in real life.

My son will be 7 in January. the other day he asked me. "Daddy, now that I am big, can you me if Santa is real"

obviously he is doubting the thing. asked me the same thing about the tooth fairy few weeks ago. he asked me if it was me putting the money under the pillow

It’s really not rocket science to manage. Santa comes for small children. Mums and dads do the jobs after that to allow Santa to serve the small children.

seriously what is wrong with you all.

Why do you feel the need to tell them anything? I’ve never told mine and I was never told. Gives my DD14 the opportunity to choose to believe and join in the magical fun for my DD8.

My eldest was 10 and cornered me saying she needed to know so when she was grownup she would know to fill her own stocking. She was fine about it.
my youngest was not so easy. She was also 10 and gushing about what a wonderful man he is and how she can’t wait to write to him again at Christmas. It was in the middle of summer and her last Christmas in juniors. I wanted to drop a slight hint to give her a clue but obviously wasn’t subtle enough and she burst into tears and called me a liar.
She spent the afternoon curled up in a ball crying next to the record player playing Charlie Brown Christmas on a loop.
By December she was over it. I think If I could do the whole Christmas thing again I wouldn’t have made him so believable but then again, they get over it eventually. It did hurt to be called a liar though

I agree. think it's extremely mean - and very sad to tell a child that Santa doesn't exist when they're only 4. It smacks of being more about YOU than them. What right does anyone have to smash a little child's illusions and fantasies, and the magic?! And if they start to believe again next Christmas, they will 'put them right.' FFS. 🙄

Like many posters on here, mine believed til they were about 8 or 9, (I did too.) Yes they really did, even now in their late 20s they say they believed til then...

It's actually quite cruel to tell them at a really young age. In fact you don't need to tell them at ALL...

Saying it encourages greed want wanting for a child to believe in Santa is a load of rot!

I don’t think you need a serious chat, most kids just go along with it as they just enjoy the magic of it all. Even if they say outright they don’t believe anymore, presents will still only be put under the tree on Christmas Eve to stop peeking and have the excitement on Christmas morning.

I can never understand the people that have to do a big upsetting revelation with their children. Surely they can't be getting to 10/11 and not starting to figure it out for themselves. And if they are I think as parents you need to start getting a bit useless at the whole "Santa thing" so they can start working it out for themselves.

DS1 told me Santa and all the rest of the mythical figures weren't real when he was about 6 or 7. He's a very practical child and wanted the truth so I wasn't going to tell him a bare faced lie. He was under strict instructions not to ruin it for his little brother or anyone else.

DS2 is now 15 and has never told us he knows and we have never told him but I'm going to go out on a limb and assume he doesn't still believe in Santa.

We all still act as though Santa is real and no one's magic is ruined.

Cant remember when our boys worked it out? Our DD was young when she said that she knew he wasn't real, maybe age 8 …I was tired when she said it ,was about to hit age 50, hormones raging and I thought ok lets be honest. I told her not to spoil it for anyone else.
Most people I know tell them before secondary school.

I had 6 years between dd1 and dd2 with a further 4 years to dd3, so 10 years between oldest and youngest. Dd1 went to secondary school and a teacher asked who believed in Father Christmas. Dd went to put her hand up ,then realised she was the only one. She believed in Father Christmas for her sisters, not because she really believed in him.
I don't think children should be told. Mine absorbed the knowledge but kept up the belief for each other. It is the magic of Christmas that is the belief. My Mum still upheld the magic until the day she died.

Actually, I met Father Christmas and had a photo with him last week when he visited our village on his sleigh pulled by a rangerover. It as made my Christmas this year all the better.

Same here, I started analyzing and applying critical thinking things like how can such a fat man carrying a huge sack fit down that small chimney? Or how on earth can one man deliver presents to ALL the children in the world in one evening? I'm glad I wasn't told either which I think is mean, kids work it out. I have to admit it did feel like the magic had gone once I did know the truth😞

Okay, not sure why it made you so angry but let me clear up some misconceptions you seem to have.

I didn’t actually tell her, her and my nephew figured it out together and came up to us like they had really solved the case. I wasn’t going to lie, they were really proud of themselves and seemed happy to be told they were right and be let in on the ‘big secret’. We never really made a big deal out of the Santa side of things anyway, nobody was upset.

We actually read a book about Santa and had a conversation about all of this about 10 minutes ago. Santa isn’t real but the story is still nice, she is still being imaginative and feeling festive. It’s no big deal.

I never said I’d ‘put her right’ that’s not how I speak at all, especially not about my LO. I think I said I’d remind her if she forgets, that’s not quite the same.

There’s absolutely nothing cruel about it, I feel like you take this whole Christmas magic thing a little bit too seriously for me. It’s never been that much of a big deal for us.

I also didn’t say that it encourages greed, just that I wanted to encourage giving and community spirit rather than overconsumption or something along those lines.

I really don’t know why you got so passionately angry about what our Christmas looks like, plenty of people are perfectly happy not celebrating Christmas at all.

I'm 50 now I remember being around 10/11 when I found out he wasn't real my whole family loved christmas.. I remember feeling gutted .
They will naturally just find out unless to sheltered x

11 so before yr 7

My daughter is 17, and has autism she believed up until only recently (the last month or so!) when she came out and asked us if Santa wasnt real, and at this point I thought well bloody hell we’ve had a good run of it, but if I’m honest I’m a little bit relieved because it puts more of a human expectation/spin on Christmas rather than the expectation that you can ask for anything and Santa can just whip it all together in no time! She’s our only child so Christmases have been expensive in the past but since she has known this year she’s made more reasonable requests, and it does put less pressure on things overall, but we’ve had some wonderful christmases. Try to have one more year or so if you can and enjoy it but yeah, everything has an expiry!

I never told mine. They played along into their teens for my benefit. I live Xmas!
They sat me down and said they couldn't play along anymore.
I was the devastated one

I think from about 8/9 most DC know but they play along because magic is fun. Just like they deep down know they aren't going to get a letter from Hogwarts on their 11th birthday or find Narnia at the back of a wardrobe - but semi believing these things adds excitement to life.

My DC are in their thirties. All successful, professional adults with spouses/partners but they still correct me if I mistakenly refer to something Santa gave them as a gift from DH and I. And they still have their Tellietubbies Christmas stockings although nowadays they are likely to contain a bottle of gin and a cheque not a selection box and a Beanie Baby.

They really do need to know before secondary. By then she will probably know. They grow up a lot in that last year or primary.

Our twins are 28 and on Christmas Eve they believe....because they know if they don't believe he won't come! We have never had the chat...! 🎄😆

The rule in our house was when they asked us outright to our face. For our son he was about 9 and our daughter 12.

My kids have younger cousins, so I just told them (once they thought Santa wasn't real) that they were then part of the 'secret keepers' and part of that was to ensure the younger kids still had a lovely Christmas with whatever they believed in

Most children play along for many years after they've stopped believing. They do it for the parents' sake!