When is the right time to let your child know Father Christmas isn’t real?

[Greyhoundnewbie]

My Husband thinks they should know before secondary school. And I do agree really. But my Dd is 9 and the youngest in her year (year 5) and she completely and utterly believes in all of it.
I feel like after this year, 1 more Christmas, and the she needs to know, it feels so harsh.

Just looking for other views, and what some of you have done in the past. All my friends have younger children so I can’t get any advice in real life.

Never tell them. Why on earth anyone would want to tell them Santa isn't real just baffles me!

Most children figure it out for themselves before they start secondary school. It also depends if children have older siblings, often the younger ones find out that way! I am an only child, grew up before the age of mobile phones and the internet - I was told at school by a teacher whilst in Junior school (as were the whole class, not just me!). I can't remember how old I was, around 8 maybe. Your daughter is likely to figure it out but if she doesn't then you do need to tell her before she starts secondary school.

We never had a talk with our children, they just figured it out themselves and there were a few winks from them when they spoke about santa.

Not right after Xmas! Ask me how I know.
She felt very stupid for so recently going along with all the traditions. It was too raw.

Mine went along with it partly because of a much younger little brother.

The trouble comes when parents make too much of it and try to convince their kids it is real, instead of just letting kids naturally grow out of it.

So you told her the spring before she started SECONDARY SCHOOL.
Hardly relevant whether it was a grammar or the local comp, no?
🤣🤣

One of mine is quite perceptive and clocked on fairly young about fake santas, then a girl in her class (non Christmas celebrating) took great delight telling some of them it wasn’t real (think my child was maybe year 4 so 8/9) you could just try and wing it by introducing the Santa only brings presents in primary school maybe and then parents take over and kinda skate around it

In RL, no one I know was ever told. Everyone just naturally figures it out, learns from friends etc. Sitting your child down and making a big deal of it and having a huge conversation to 'break the news' is only something i've seen on MN.

Our dc are 17, 15 and 8. Ds1 and 2 still write a lovely letter to Santa each year, for the benefit of ds3. Never had a conversation with the older 2 but i'm pretty confident they know!

Being presented with a beautifully written letter that starts with 'Dear Santa, I've been a very good boy this year...' by a 6ft 4 beardy nearly 18 year old does make me chuckle though 😂

What a ridiculous comment.
DS has just turned 11 and I can tell that there is definitely still a big part of him that believes. He’s starting to question things but last year (age 10) he was still a full believer.

Do little things to help her figure it out for herself. I used the same wrapping paper for presents from us as I used for presents in her stocking from Santa for example.

In fairness, i’m 43 and nobody has ever told me either!

Well, you don’t need to tell her at Christmas, so even if you insist on telling her before secondary school that’s still two more Christmases and more than 18 months away.

I thought my dd1 (IIRC 10) had clearly worked it out when she told me in very matter of fact tones that she knew Father Christmas was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it.
So I did, while exhorting her not to spoil the magic for dd2 or any other children.

When she was early 20s she told me she’d been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing just a bit longer! 😰

I think that's really sad for such a young child. She's missing out on the magic before she is old enough to appreciate it. But obviously your choice.

I hope she doesn't spoil it for other children though. When my children were young I used to be a parent volunteer in a year 2 class. One lunchtime a boy had loudly informed his classmates that his parents had told him that Father Christmas wasn't real.
This had upset many of the children and several came up to me in the classroom and told me and asked me if it was true. I wasn't going to upset them more or felt I had the right to tell them, so all I said was that he still came to my house, that seemed to satisfy them.

I never specifically told my children, they worked it out about 10. My granddaughter told me a couple of months ago she knew he wasn't real, she's 11.

Also, I agree, there is no need for drama about this. You can just stop actively perpetuating the myth.

I’ve got a 9 year old who loves anything magical / mythical - and believes wholeheartedly in Father Christmas. He says some of his friends don’t believe, and although he wouldn’t use the word “pity”, from conversations we’ve had, he clearly really pities them for being so narrow minded and not open to the possibility 😂

So I am a bit anxious about whether he might possibly never get there on his own, and even if i do tell him, it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that he would accept that I’ve been “FC” - but still lump FC in with things like “consciousness after death” and “aliens” …. Which are much more acceptable to be open minded about…

But 9 is still very little, so it feels like a problem for another day TBH. Am too consumed with making sure my FC wrapping paper is hidden well enough 🫠😂

We just got a bit shit at it each year. So used the same wrapping paper. Forgot to take prices off. Say "oh Santa has been to Primark again"

It's much nicer if they work it out and feel grown up in doing so than having to sit down and have a talk about it.

Erm, hasn’t anyone at school clued her in? If not, how come? Does she have friends? Are you saying they all believe too? That’s odd just because generally an older sibling will tell a younger and they pass on to classmates. I do find it a bit unusual, very old. You must have put on a stellar performance OP.

Also, I think some people on Mumsnet are overly invested in “the magic”. The magic of Christmas is family, presents, kindness and giving to others. I don’t see why there can’t be a seamless progression into getting kids involved in making it lovely?

There are so many reasons! I don’t like lying to DC, I’d rather encourage her to question things and learn how to figure out what’s real and what isn’t.

Now we can focus on Christmas as a time for doing good for others, giving thoughtful gifts, buying presents for loved ones, donating time and money to charity, and discovering the joy of giving instead of just receiving and wanting stuff.

It also means spending Christmas as a family with more intention, less time and money wasted on the commercialised side of things, and maybe bringing back the type of Christmas magic my grandparents described from their childhoods.

We still do, and will continue to, do lots of festive things. Just not Santa related ones 😂

My story is pretty similar to this , my youngest is 15 now , they do pretty much figure out themselves 🤷🏻‍♀️.

I remember when the Elves came about , Elf here 😂 🙈,
wrote a letter on the first night he ever visited, & had to keep writing letters going forward 🤦🏻‍♀️
You’d be in bed wrecked after a busy day , busier in the lead up to Christmas at work & at home , & realise Elf didn’t move or write a note 🙈 .
At the time thought feck this , can’t wait not to be doing this anymore , but now I miss not having any one in house believing in Christmas Magic 🎄.

I agree with this. I think really smart kids figure out it’s not exactly literally true really early - right about the time they start asking how fast Santa’s’ sleigh would have to go and how many children there are in the world. But kids’ imaginations are incredible, they have the capacity to imagine, believe, hold different sorts of things in their heads all together - it’s grown ups who want to put everything in boxes.

Father Christmas is an idea, and the idea can be true in your house for as long as you want.

They work it out for themselves, surely? And then carry on going along with it for a while because they still enjoy it. That's what happened with us as kids and also with my dc.

Yes, my mum did this to me and it really upset me. She should have let me naturally realise, but she wouldn’t let it go and I was torn between really not believing anymore, but also really trusting what she said to me. It actually really upset me and confused me because I felt so deceived by her.