When is the right time to let your child know Father Christmas isn’t real?

[Greyhoundnewbie]

My Husband thinks they should know before secondary school. And I do agree really. But my Dd is 9 and the youngest in her year (year 5) and she completely and utterly believes in all of it.
I feel like after this year, 1 more Christmas, and the she needs to know, it feels so harsh.

Just looking for other views, and what some of you have done in the past. All my friends have younger children so I can’t get any advice in real life.

My DD is 9 and still believes. She wavered about 2 weeks ago as her classmates told her he wasn't real, so I started telling her the truth and she became so hysterical that I stopped and agreed he was real

I don’t know why this post comes across as judgemental but I will answer anyway.

This year we have been donating to the Christmas toy bank since October when it opened, she has been choosing treats for other children instead of herself and dropping them off (a feat at her age).

We donate to the food bank regularly anyway but the Christmas initiative is opening soon. She will come to the big shop and help to find, carry and deliver the food- she’s not just there watching.

We have a couple of elderly relatives that live alone, or with a carer, and have baked them some treats and have a pile of useful presents ready to deliver to them under the tree.

The local community had a Christmas charity card drive for people in care homes, we wrote the cards and she diligently copied her name into all of them, and drew them a picture (There were loads of them, it took days).

It’s not about going on a mission to provide drinking water to a rural community or volunteering at a harm reduction program lol, just small things to teach her about responsibility and giving back to the community. We do things throughout the year but Christmas feels like a fitting time to make a real big effort.

I stopped believing in Father Christmas and the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny on the same day! I was 5/6 and told my mum quite matter of factly that she was all of them.

I still got money under my pillow, and Christmas presents!

I hadn’t really thought of that though, I’ll still do it but in a lighthearted way. She probably won’t believe me if she doesn’t believe in Santa.

When they have children of there own 🎅

This explains my response far better than I did! It can be a fun thing people do, rather than a magic experience, and still be fun.

Usually they figure it out themselves or some kid at school tells them. But if not I certainly wouldn’t let them go to secondary believing!

The problem with this is that 4 year olds can’t keep secrets.

We had it at school this week: one reception child announced Father Christmas isn’t real, cue the other 31 children who now have their version of Christmas ruined for them.

1 child taking away literal years of fun for 31 other children. It’s cruel.

One family at our primary school had seven children. So they were in every class. For outlier religious reasons they didn't believe in Santa, which is fine but they told all their children that the school events and Christmas eve re Santa wasn't true. This was a church of Wales school very traditional

All these children went into school to spread the word. There were tears in every class.

Fair dos our head teacher called in the parents asking them to keep it zipped re their beliefs and tell their children to do the same.

There were no more contradictory opinions spouted by the children thankfully.

I never promoted the Santa idea, but my kids obviously knew about it. My eldest asked me outright at age 6 and I told him the truth. Except for learning difficulties I'd be surprised any reasonably intelligent child would truly believe by the age of about 9.

MIL is really proud that she answered her clever sons' queries with " you only get presents if you believe" and they "believed" for an extra year. It's weird. Why is belief in this particular story so important? We don't do this with fairies or leprechauns.

However, dangerous nonsense like gender ideology has been pushed by schools and government and so-called doctors so I guess Santa is at the milder end.

Unless there are some additional needs, I don't really believe a dc wouldn't have encountered the idea that Santa might not be real by the age of 11. It's a common enough theme in films and books.

Belief isn't an all or nothing thing. Most dc will know Santa isn't real well enough to not be a target at school but also be able to convince themselves when they want to e.g. on Christmas Eve.

I've never felt the need to have a sit down chat. I'm certain my dc understand Santa is a game we're playing together.

My then 9 year old told her then 11 year old sister in an argument . They will find out but no need to rush

Ds (7) asked me a few months ago. I asked him what he thought and he told me he didn't think FC was real. I told him the truth but made a big thing of how he's now in the special grown up Christmas crew and that he can help make it magic for his little cousins. He is delighted by this and very committed to the cause - when father Christmas is mentioned around his cousin's he plays along and gives me a sly little knowing smile.

He also worked out the tooth fairy but less directly - he commented on how we must have learnt to write at the same school 🫢😂

Why would you bother doing the tooth fairy if you have already specifically told her Father Christmas isn't real? Just seems a bit odd to be very vocal to a very young child that FC isn't real yet choose to do the tooth fairy.

I 100% believed until I was 10. I remember being in the garden on my swing one day and the penny just dropped. I was very upset and went to my mum and dad crying. It was a huge blow because at the same time I realised that fairies didn't exist either. My mum had written letters to me for years as the fairies and I wtote back.
My own ds is 20 and we never had a conversation about it but I think he believed until around 9/10. Majority of kids work it out for themselves.

I was clear with her that although she knows the truth, other children still don’t know so she should be a big girl and keep the secret.

I don’t think it’s, in any world, cruel though, they’re kids they don’t have the best emotional intelligence yet. When they do spill it’s not like they’re being malicious (mostly).

So far so good though, no mass hysteria as of yet!

What do you mean FC isn’t real 😱 ?

Just because she knows Santa isn’t real doesn’t mean all festivities are over. She will still get Christmas presents, Easter egg hunts and money when she looses teeth. She will just know that it’s make believe.

It can still be fun knowing they aren’t real.

To mine.

I'm like here you got £1.

She says back.

No.

I want it in the envelope with the letter from the Tooth Fairy under my pillow.( I got a pile of those cards where you can grade the teeth etc). Apparently she's collecting the letters from the tooth Fairy.

So even though she knows she still wants to go through the whole ritual of putting it under pillow.

I think this is a bit over the top.

If the kid believes it doesn't matter what 1 kid in Reception says.

And it isn't cruel.

I think its crueller making kids believe something is real for years when it isn't.

When they ask. My DD asked at 8. I told her not to ruin it for her brother. He is 11 and has never asked ( so I am respecting that) but he doesn't believe anymore.

For us, we decided when they really ask the question of “is he real” that we’d answer honestly. Now, when our eldest child was 10 and in yr6 at school she asked us the question literally days before Christmas. The previous Christmas had been a really shit one and so we were thrilled we were getting one final Christmas where all the kids believed (until the question was asked that is). We lied and said “of course he’s real” and we really shouldn’t have as our daughter seems to believe everything adults say and therefore when we told her the truth at the age of 11, she was so upset. So with our eldest son, we said the same; we’ll tell him when he asks. He asked just after Christmas last year. He was 9 (turned 10 a couple of months ago) and so this year will be his first year of knowing and he’s really not all that bothered. He’s yr5 and it sounds like there’s a real mixture of believers and non believers at school (he completely avoids the conversation at school but says he believes when he’s asked, for the sake of his best friend who believes). We’ll do the same thing that we did with our son when our youngest asks the question.

I think most kids get to the age where they ask and that is then the correct time to tell them. If not, I think it’s good to have the chat before secondary school.

I told my oldest before he started secondary school. I thought he still believed but he had actually worked it out years ago and was just pretending along with everyone else. My youngest worked it out when he was 4 or 5. Personally I think it’s cruel to let them start secondary school still believing in Father Christmas.

I know lots of people get really sad about children ‘losing the magic’ but we’ve had much better Christmas’ since they stopped believing. Christmas is magical because of all the time with family and friends, Christmas food, presents etc. We have lots of family traditions around Christmas that we love. Father Christmas is the least important bit. Christmas with teenagers is great. Celebrate the next stage of family Christmas’ rather than being sad about them not believing anymore.

Wait until they ask.

I'll never ever forget the girl who blurted out how she helped mammy bring down the christmas presents. Cruel way to learn.

What a load of bollocks terrible advice on here. I told my son Santa comes until he’s ten and then it’s mum and dad. That way noone gets bullied at secondary school and their childhoods are protected.