When is the right time to let your child know Father Christmas isn’t real?

[Greyhoundnewbie]

My Husband thinks they should know before secondary school. And I do agree really. But my Dd is 9 and the youngest in her year (year 5) and she completely and utterly believes in all of it.
I feel like after this year, 1 more Christmas, and the she needs to know, it feels so harsh.

Just looking for other views, and what some of you have done in the past. All my friends have younger children so I can’t get any advice in real life.

Obviously Santa / St Nick was real. My kids are well aware of the story as we go over it every year. We explain that it was a good, kind, Christian thing to do, so the joy was expanded to all children of the world, which required some magic.

To them, the magic comes as flying reindeer. Before they start secondary, I plan to sit them down and gently explain that following something they have done we (me and their dad) feel they are now old enough to be one part of the christmas spirit.

We will explain that the magic of Christmas comes from the joy Santa's work brings to the children. And now they can become part of this, because santa was a person as they know, but now his spirit lives on in all the big people spreading joy and kindness at Christmas.

I hope, feeling that they were not completly lied too for years! And they are now big and part of it, will help them not to be so upset, as I know they will be.

I don't know if that's any help x

I knew at around age 6 (older siblings always let the cat out of the bag).
I pretended to still believe to get presents but my mother pulled the plug when I was 9 as she didn't have the money to buy me presents that year.
"Just so you know, there's no such thing as Santa and you're not getting anything this year but don't tell your younger siblings".

My eldest cried when I told her. I thought it was better than letting her be teased at school but it was quite traumatic at the time and she still remembers it as realising, for the first time in her life, that adults might lie.

I can’t remember how old I was but I did ask my Mum one day if he was real. She said “well it’s like this, I think if you don’t believe he might not come and I don’t think it’s worth the risk…”.

I’m 49 now and he’s still treating me pretty well so… 😉

I think that it’s lovely that your daughter still believes. I do think she should be told before secondary school 100% but definitely enjoy these last couple of Christmas’ of her believing (unless she figures it out by next year)

I have a 5 year old DS and I don’t think he particularly believes. He’s never said it outright but he’s very ‘literal’ thinking and it doesn’t make logical sense in his little brain, no matter how much I try and play it off as magic last year I did the whole Santa’s footprints and he looked me dead in the eyes and said “this is very lovely mommy, but you just did this with flour didn’t you” 🤣

This was me. I needn’t have worried as I got a stocking until I was 28 😂😂😂

Dc work it out for themselves! You don’t need to say anything. Everyone plays along with the myth. How can a 10 year old not know it’s a myth? Don’t they talk to other dc? They surely don’t believe FC comes down a chimney after arriving in a sleigh? Most dc work this out by 5 or 6.

I got a stocking until my Mum died 😢

We’ve said to the kids that most children stop believing in Santa when they get older.

We’ve also said when children stop believing in Santa then they receive presents from parents instead. We’ve never said Santa’s real, just that some people believe in him and some don’t.

My eldest (aged 9 going on 10) doesn’t believe but plays along anyway and is hoping for presents from Santa still this year.

I think I still believe deep down and I’m 35. YABU.

I stayed firm in my belief that Santa is real to this day.

Pretty sure they quit believing on their own about 9 or 10.

I think this is dead right.

My older DC are teens now: we did the Christmas 'Santa' magic, but never a needed 'the talk' - it was an organic process around 9/10/maybe 11.

As I kid, I 'knew' around the same age, but pretended to believe for a lot longer!

Oh come on. Most 5 or 6 year olds? Not true at all. Some, maybe. Most? Nope.

My DC are 16 years old and one still believes wholeheartedly. The other one isn’t sure but is still going along with it, just in case 😂

DS still thinks elf on a shelf is real too but I think DD knows that’s just us. She humours me though and likes to join in by pretending she doesn’t know 😂

Both my DC have significant SEN, especially DS who hasn’t really changed much since the age of 7 or 8.

Do you have kids?

This made me laugh and tear up all together, what great kids you have 💖

This. I didn’t have to tell my daughter, they find out through school friends usually.

My son was the same. He was 5 or 6, once I confirmed it he has never uttered a word and became part of the magic. He loves Christmas and plays along for his siblings (as a teenager he even encourages an early night so I can wrap).

His siblings all believed for far longer - I think my year 5 still believes - tho personality would suggest they would play along for fun.

You cannot stop them working it out! It’s illogical that a man and reindeer visit all houses in a night and deliver presents of different values to some children but no gifts to others. I worked it out at 6 or 7.

It’s the kids whose parents don’t have the chat that I have found blurt out ‘santas not real’ as they think they are grown up. (Or are just a bit mean).

My aim, over a hot chocolate and a cake, was not to make him believe but stop him ruining it for other children. In year 6 other classmates parents were surprised he had worked it out in infant school as he had always played along.

It didnt ruin the magic either. We have a few bonkers traditions and stories that are very unique and made up. As a teenager he loves them still, and they all involve make believe.

‘Wherever people are obtuse and absurd ... and wherever they have, by even the most generous standards, the attention span of a small chicken in a hurricane and the investigative ability of a one-legged cockroach ... and wherever people are inanely credulous, thematically attached to the certainties of the nursery and, in general, have as much grasp of the realities of the physical universe as an oyster has of mountaineering ... yes, Twyla: there is a Hogfather.’

DD told DS. She was 6, he was 9.
He was incredulous and asked me. I made vaguely non commital noiuses. DD then laid into me not to be so stupid. This is also the child who managed to convinced a generation of preschoolers that chickens came from caterpillar cocoons in her final year at nursery.

Someone told my brother when he was 5. To his credit he played along shouting, "he's been" on Xmas morning.

One Xmas when I was six or 7 (he's two years older than me) we had the conversation with each other but we both agreed to play along for our parents.

Me too! every night I look up to the skies in Christmas Eve and part of me thinks I mount see Santa fly by 😂

I agree with the vast majority - I don’t think a discussion needs to be had.

I have a 10yr old and a 8yr old. Last year the 8yr old (then 7 obviously) asked me if Santa was real. I asked what she thought and she said yes so I went along with it and nothing more was said.

Last week she then asked me if it was me really moving the elves. I asked what she thought. She said “my brain thinks it must be you. But then I do think they actually move”. Logically she is piecing it together and knows it must be me, but she still wants to believe in the magic of it all. In contrast my 10yr old has never questioned any of it 😂

I think my youngest will work it out first but because they both love it all so much I don’t think they’ll tell me when they figure it out. I don’t feel the need to sit them down and tell them. As I kid I just worked it out eventually.

This!!

I also have a four year old who knows that Santa is just a nice, fun story for Christmas but it’s not real. People think this somehow “ruins Christmas” for kids which is completely bonkers to me.

We still do all of the Christmas things. My son is just aware we do it out of love and as something nice to do together instead of it being a weird old man he doesn’t know!

For me it’s just been about not bleating on about Santa every 5 minutes at this time of year. We get him excited about Christmas without constantly saying “Be good, Santas watching”! “Or are you excited for Santa”?