When is the right time to let your child know Father Christmas isn’t real?

[Greyhoundnewbie]

My Husband thinks they should know before secondary school. And I do agree really. But my Dd is 9 and the youngest in her year (year 5) and she completely and utterly believes in all of it.
I feel like after this year, 1 more Christmas, and the she needs to know, it feels so harsh.

Just looking for other views, and what some of you have done in the past. All my friends have younger children so I can’t get any advice in real life.

Mine are mid 20’s and I’ve never had that conversation. Is it necessary? I knew that they knew , but we never acknowledged it

My youngest is 12 and he doesn’t believe this year although we all seem to be still going along with it! His siblings are much older than him and I think they want to keep it going more than anyone! We are in Ireland so he’ll be going to secondary school in September. You would not want to go into secondary Terenure believing in Santy!
Im pretty sure he believed last year at 11. I think that’s a good age to get to still believing. Sometimes it just happens naturally without you having to sit down for a big awkward conversation. I think at 9 you have another year anyway.

Mine were in primary 6 so 10. It’s not something I got emotional about at all
tbh. They were starting to question it anyway plus they need to know before they end up being ridiculed at school. I was 7 and in primary 3 when I sussed it for myself. I must admit I am a bit “yeah right” about 9 and 10 year olds who’s parents maintain they still 100% believe, maybe some do but others are maybe more worried the presents will dry up.

I have a nine and thirteen year old and they refuse to give up on it. Still moving elves around much to my irritation. They know it’s not real but they both love the tradition of it and it seems rather bah humbug to sit them down and say Enough! So I shall carry on until they both get girlfriends or get a job or something.

“Devastated”? Really?

My eldest was upset but he got over it quite quickly. Anyway despite their reactions they still need to be told. I just don’t understand why so many parents make such a drama of it.

I would definitely tell your child at this point. Maybe gently lead her towards the truth by dropping hints? I'm honestly bewildered by children who still wholeheartedly believe after the age of eight, though - it seems so unlikely, especially in this day and age. None of the logic makes sense, and in such a diverse society, they know not all children get visits from Father Christmas. And if nothing else, do they not wonder why some children get no presents, and others get loads??

To be fair, I was brought up believing Father Christmas was a fun 'imagination game' that everyone played along with and did the same with my children, so had a very different experience. I think I'd have felt betrayed to know my parents had lied to me for years, and I always wonder if there are any children who do react that way.

We were always jokey about father Christmas with the children, even when they were toddlers so they worked out fantasy and reality from an early age a d ne er had to explicitly anything. Ds2 had a scientific mindful an early age and in primary school he would ask questions like, 'if father Christmas was real and flying through the sky how could he breathe?' and if Father Christmas was real why do some children get loads of stuff and others dont?

There is no need, they just work it out
When Dd started asking me (around 9) I just said that it was up to here whether to believ or not and if she didn't not to tell her younger brother
They are 20 and 16 now and I have still never actually said those words!!

I told my daughter in the spring prior to her going to Grammar School. She really did believe but I never had to tell my son as he was pretty cynical about the whole thing.
Both kids brought up by the same parents.

We have never discussed it. My ds is 10 and I jokingly suggested we go and see Santa because he needs to know what’s on his Christmas list. He just gave me a withering look 🤣 I don’t think he believes anymore!! My dd is older but again, no big discussion, she just seems to have developed the understanding, although I think she believed until she was older than my ds.

I got ambushed by a clever seven year old stuffing a stocking. She was SO delighted her cunning plan worked it was worth her knowing earlier than I’d have liked. My muttered ‘Santa’s been but he’s really busy so he asked me if I could put these in here’ held no weight whatsoever. Get ‘caught’, swear her to secrecy. I’ve no idea how you’ve kept it going this long!

I think most kids work it out or are told before they reach secondary. They often know but don't want to for a year or two. I can't remember what year our DS was in when we mentioned it. I brought it up casually during the summer months and he just sort of said 'makes sense' and said he'd worked it out because all families seemed to do it differently.

I was 5 when my then 7 year old brother told me. We're now 59 and 61, I've not spoken to him since.

My mum kept leaving price labels from local shops on them! 🤣😓

A gentle and factual way to explore it might be to talk casually about Christmas traditions around the world - Babushka, St Nicholas, 3 Kings etc - the different dates and different ways of doing things - clogs, stockings - and the history behind it.

Lots of good books / stories available. Then let her work out that Father Christmas and stockings is our particular way of continuing the tradition.

The last year of primary, he was 11. He asked. We were both sad about it but I didn't want him bullied and it was time. He definitely believed.

I’m still waiting for my parents to tell me. I’m almost 40. I decided for myself at about 11. I don’t think you need to make a point of telling them, they will figure it out for themselves.

Oldest is 39 and I've still not told him !

I don't understand why you think you have to tell the kids. Myself, my sister's, my brothers, my cousins, none of us were told by our parents. We just kind of figured it out. I don't recall personally, ever being told in school by other kids, or reading it somewhere, or being told by any adult, it was just something that you kind of realized and, that was okay. There was no big giant traumatic moment of reveal. I don't know why you think that you have to tell your kids at all.
Especially when there's an age gap between your oldest and your youngest, just leave it.

I can’t empathise too much because we’ve never really done Santa with our kids, but in year 6 my son came up to me and thanked me for not doing Santa because a kid in his class still obviously believed and everyone took the micky out of him for it. Son was grateful he was clued up.

When they are born.

My kids have never believed in FC.

I wasn’t sure if mine believed so I had a conversation with them in the summer before year 7. Apparently they knew and so did their younger sibling!

My kids asked me when they were 6ish so I replied truthfully. They were very unbothered by the revelation and played along in front of other kids who believed.

I think that some parents take the whole FC thing too seriously and are more gutted that it has to end than the child is. They should redirect that enthusiasm to make Christmas special for another child once theirs have sussed it out.

We also did FC as a 'game that everyone plays'. It was honestly just as magical. DC had a few years when they insisted that he was real anyway.

Op I wonder whether you could drop 'playing FC' into the conversation at some point. Just slightly tweak how you talk about it. If she still wants to believe she will but you're giving her the information.

Never tell them. Why on earth anyone would want to tell the Santa isn't real just baffles me!