Christmas despair - my children deserve more

[Exhaustedbones]

Not quite sure why I am posting. I have name changed for obvious reasons. I am on my knees. I lost my job last year and due to the job market have struggled to get a new one. I am a newly single parent, 2 dc One teen and one primary age. I have fought so so hard to get back on my feet. I have done consultancy work here and there, whatever temp jobs I can get. I have sold everything I can sell on vinted/ebay. I do surveys, I do focus groups etc. Anything and everything I can think of to get us through. My mental and physical health have taken an enormous battering. It is isolating and humiliating beyond belief. My oldest doesn't have a winter coat.

For some reason, the thought of Christmas makes me feel sick to my core. My poor kids. My poor poor kids. They are good as gold. They understand. But after the two years of family breakdown, bereavements, uncertainty and extreme financial pressure they deserve to feel the joy and spirit of Christmas. I feel that I am failing them so miserably and the thought is to heavy to carry at times.

I don't know why I am posting really. I am so sorry. I just wanted to share it somewhere as I have no one to talk to about this in real life.

This is really sad to read and brave to post.

There are various organisations near where we live that gift children a brand new gift at Christmas and it's usually referral through social services (i think). Could you contact social services? They should be able to get you a referral to a similar scheme in your area and to your local food bank to help take the pressure off.

Gudawaras (Sikh temples) will also supply you with hot meals, no questions asked 💐

Are you on your local Facebook Freecycle or reuse pages. On mine people frequently ask for things that they need and a winter coat for a 14-year-old would be the sort of thing that they would provide for sure. On mine you can post anonymously and people really do want to help (and also declutter!). Definitely spend 10 minutes joining local groups.

Also, I meant to say that those groups often can tell you where other useful services are. So for example near me there are food, reuse groups and food banks, but also a rail of coats for kids that they give out no questions asked. You just need to find out where they are in your area! Could be a local church or other religious group or just a uniform bank near the food bank.

I’m just going to reiterate that you please reach out to your local community and your children’s schools. They can 100% signpost charities and groups that can help you. Your children’s schools maybe entitled to all sorts of things such as meals in the holidays etc. There are lots of organisations around Xmas that can provide presents for kids in your situation. Please don’t be too proud to ask.

Op, there are some really good ideas on here, A church near me does a Christmas tree festival every year, free to enter and so lovely, have a look round, there are bound to be the same all over London, every year we go 'up west' to look at the lights, Liberty window, F&M outside decs etc, tbh I prefer not to go inside as the shops themselves are hell on earth, its all about atmosphere!
Your kids just need you, if you don't have/cant afford a tree perhaps a trip to a local wood for a nice walk, look for fallen logs, pine cones etc, the kids can cover with a bit of tinsel, a cheap can of gold spray and some string, youve got a lovely personal 'yule log'

I have just seen that Lidl have launched their xmas meal deal, will feed you all for £12 (with leftovers)

As others have said, hot chocolate, xmas films/music/a bag of tea lights and you have created a lovely homely atmosphere, I'm pretty old and can still remember all the cheap old tat in my stocking (dads sock!) with great affection, the 'big' presents, not so much.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas and a much better new year, you sound lovely and I wish you all the luck in the world.

Our local gudawara and mosque also fantastic for this.

Please share the fact that you’re struggling with your kids’ schools. At ours, we have a list of kids who may not have many gifts this year and the teachers volunteer to buy extra items for them. There’s also a Christmas hamper scheme to support families in need. Schools can be a huge source of social support.

I echo other posters about checking in with local churches. I’m an apologetic atheist but there’s no doubt that churches do excellent community care. My local Catholic Church runs an annual winter coat appeal, people hand in coats and they church hang them up on the surrounding fence with a cover over them for people to take, no questions asked. They run toy appeals and food supplies at this time of the year. I would be surprised if they couldn’t help at all. I’m so sorry things are difficult for you OP but you are doing everything you can and your children are lucky to have you.

Your compassion has moved me to tears. I am so grateful for all the kind words and tips, advice. Thank you so much.

My children's schools are aware in the sense that they are on free school meals and we get a small voucher to support with food over the holidays. Its £15.00 per child which is of course much much appreciated.

Please speak to school to refer you to local services.there are christmas hamper schemes.
Ask on local facebook for a coat it is freezing or the lost property at your kids school .check localcharity shops.

Please contact your local church. So many love to help people in the community who are struggling. Many have donated toys and presents to share at Christmas, food boxes and some also have a fund (ours does) specifically to help local people. You don’t need to attend the church (although you’d be very, very welcome! ❤️) or give anything back.
I was in a similar situation a while back as a result of my husband being terminally ill and having to give up work; it’s awful and I send you love and prayers. In the long run, the children won’t remember the material things anything like as much as your love and perseverance. You sounds like a wonderful mum and they are blessed to have you. Things can and will get better xx

Also your local Citizens Advice / CAB can also make sure you're getting everything you're entitled to (including grants) plus refer you to food banks, pantry and other local services and groups that you may not be aware of.

What have you worked in / as before as there may be funds available through turn to us / grants.

Maybe all go to the church Christmas eve service as well 😊

Our library has a rack of winter coats for people who need them. It might be worth checking your local library too. I also recommend speaking to school - they will be able to signpost you to support and help. X

OP the shops are starting to put up signs advertising for Christmas staff, it's the ideal time to pick up work. Which supermarkets have you applied to so far?
And what about care homes they are usually crying out for staff?

OP I can see you are getting some great ideas for support. In our area our local library have a rack of winter coats that people can come in and take if they need one and I know the locals are keeping the rack well stocked. Hopefully there is something similar near you.
I also wanted to say that when I was growing up we didnt have a lot of money and I know Christmas was a huge stress for my DM. She used to buy us second hand gifts and we didnt get a lot but I honestly never felt deprived or like we missed out. The bits of Christmas I remember fondly were the tacky decorations and the coloured lights and the games with family. I think my children are the same (they are older teens), the things they talk about are not the gifts, its the crazy Christmas lights in the village or the old decorations we drag out of the loft each year. The movies and games and the time together.

Hello everyone,

We've had a number of reports from people concerned about this thread so, as we usually do in these circumstances, we're putting our heads round the door with some important reminders.

Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. Though, we strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM which makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

We've compiled some useful links posted by Mumsnetters into a financial issues webguide, so that people experiencing difficulties can find all the relevant information in one place

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope you get it all sorted soon.

OP, are you on any freecycle facebook or whatsapp groups? my local ones always have kids coats, clothes and unwanted gifts to pass on. Our schools always have unclaimed coats in their lost and found that they are happy to pass on to those who need them. Please talk to your local charities about vouchers for christmas or look for gifts in charity shops. Am sorry you are struggling and hope things improve for you and your family. Don't feel embarrassed to reach out to whatever organisations you can for help.

Get on your local Acts of Kindness Facebook group. Ours has lots of posts offering kids’ clothes, Christmas decorations, games and toys - all free.

There are lots of free things you can do at Xmas to make things feel magical - go to church to sing carols, have a Xmas film eve at home, Make decorations, decorate a gingerbread house, make mince pies…

Good luck. You deserve a lovely Christmas.

I know it won't help forever but in london there is SO much seasonal work in retail and hospitality, you must be able to get some for the next couple of months?

You've mentioned London OP - please let me know if you happen to be in south London, because I'll likely be able to signpost you with help for clothes and food.

There are service out there to help. Navigating your way to these can be overwhelming but often it's a domino effect (charities that help with clothing work with food banks for example). Make an appointment to speak to school and ask them to refer you to help. That first step into the support system is what you need to take and hopefully you will be able to access the resources that are set up in your area.

Thank you all for your kindness and encouragement. I am really sad to see that the post has been reported😓
Although I understand why, this is one of the reasons it is so damn hard and isolating to open up. I have not asked any poster for financial help, nor would I. I jope that is clear.

I have been a long time poster of mumsnet since my eldest was a baby and I'd like to believe that I offered and given emotional support more than I have 'taken' over the last 14 or so years.

I am extremely grateful for the advice and tips from everyone who have taken the time to post.

Again, I am not asking anyone for any handouts. I never would. All I asked for was a safe space to share.

How old are your children OP?

I have a couple of kids coats that I was about to upload onto vinted.

One is a 9-10 black padded coat and one is an XS adult Berghaus waterproof - this one obviously wouldn’t be as warm but you are welcome to them if they would help?