Christmas despair - my children deserve more

[Exhaustedbones]

Not quite sure why I am posting. I have name changed for obvious reasons. I am on my knees. I lost my job last year and due to the job market have struggled to get a new one. I am a newly single parent, 2 dc One teen and one primary age. I have fought so so hard to get back on my feet. I have done consultancy work here and there, whatever temp jobs I can get. I have sold everything I can sell on vinted/ebay. I do surveys, I do focus groups etc. Anything and everything I can think of to get us through. My mental and physical health have taken an enormous battering. It is isolating and humiliating beyond belief. My oldest doesn't have a winter coat.

For some reason, the thought of Christmas makes me feel sick to my core. My poor kids. My poor poor kids. They are good as gold. They understand. But after the two years of family breakdown, bereavements, uncertainty and extreme financial pressure they deserve to feel the joy and spirit of Christmas. I feel that I am failing them so miserably and the thought is to heavy to carry at times.

I don't know why I am posting really. I am so sorry. I just wanted to share it somewhere as I have no one to talk to about this in real life.

Just reiterating, please get in touch with the Salvation Army. Also you could seek out all the Christmas Films on TV and write a list of what and when so you can watch together.

I really hope the local churches in your area help out both short and long term. Christmas Eve & Day services are usually lovely and worth a trip.

Many years ago I was where you are now, couldn't afford the bare bones of Christmas for a good few years and one Christmas in particular was really bad. My kids were school aged at the time, and I remember those feelings that I had failed them, let them down, that they deserved better but do you know what? They are adults now and often talk about those Christmases with fondness, they seem to have forgotten how skint we were and look back on all the little things we did. The paper chains, the looking at lights in other people's windows. They don't look back and remember year on year what they got as presents but they do remember the daft little things we did.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, it might seem a way off and there might be some twists and turns along the way but there is light.

Oh yes the walk around to find the best Christmas lights in the residential streets. Also sign up to your local Freegle/freecycle.

I agree with reaching out to local churches and also community charities - they have links to other services.
check your local council also as some have hardship funds and I think there is a charity called Norah North Pole where you can ask for donations toward children Christmas items. Near me there is a charity called feeding families that helps with food boxes and Christmas meals - that might not be your area but there may be an equivalent- sending thoughts to you op

In the London Borough I live in the libraries have rails of winter coats you can help yourself to.

Hello op.

I've attached a screenshot of all the london bus routes that give the best vantage points for the lights.

I love a wander around at Christmas. Take a flask and look over the river. It's so pretty on the southbank. The Tate gallery is free and can be quite Christmassy !

You sound like a wonderful mum. The love for your children shines through and in the end thats what counts. ❤️❤️❤️

@Exhaustedbones if you have any spare time just watching tv there is an app i use called justplay. You can cash out every few hours. I usually make about £30 a week. If you need tips on how to maximise let me know :)

Op I had many Xmasses in dire family circumstances and with what I see now were crap presents.

BUT....DM made wherever we were cosy...with good low lighting, some fairy lights a few treats...good music and just a warm atmosphere
..she was good fun and kept her sense of humour
And i didn't get the full impact ...of how miserable things were.

At the end of the day with the right lighting...good music and decent food even a cow shed can be a good space.

Lots of great practical info on here now, onwards and upwards eh, op 👍

Honestly there are a lot of kids on free school meals, but they won’t know things are this bad if you don’t tell them. The school will 100% be able to refer/help/access other types of support if you ask for it. Ask to meet with the head of year/head/dept head/whoever you feel you can talk to.

Clearly a scam, watch out @Exhaustedbonesand @HopeMumsnetplease can this be deleted ?

I still have pencil holder that i made for my mother for Christmas about 55 years ago, out of a soup tin with dry macaroni glued randomly onto it, then sort of haphazardly painted and glitter sprinkled on.

She kept her cosmetic brushes and eyebrow pencils in it for the rest of her life.

i was 7 and still recall being so proud to make it from stuff that was already around the house. We didn’t have much. Today one could probably spend £5 in poundshop for glitter and glue, and let kids create gifts and decorations from loo roll tubes & the like.

@Hereslookinatyoukid I mean, it’s not but ok

@HopeMumsnet I wouldn’t think this needs to be deleted. It’s a legit app. People recommend surveys and apps etc all the time on the money threads no? If deleted I’d love to know why

I feel your pain OP, have spent many years in your situation, please reach out to all the places and agencies mentioned here, you’re obviously a great mum and I hope Christmas for you and the children is much better than you think it will be, you all deserve it

@Exhaustedbones Depending on where in London you are, I know of a lot of community groups who can provide free coats, clothes, kids activities, etc - just PM me. You can do this 💝

And just a reminder that all the supermarkets will have their Veg Wars on for pence again - and will store somewhere cool or prep & freeze etc. I literally pop the oven on & fill it with jackets and anything / everything else to cook at the same time.

You could make it into a fun activity with different potato topping suggestions 😊

Bubble & Squeak with this plus an egg is tasty too.

I just wanted to add something similar to a previous poster. I stopped receiving presents when I was about twelve or thirteen because there was no money. There were no charities and no help from churches. And yet, I remember Christmas as the most magical time. It’s nothing to do with presents; that’s mum guilt talking. You’re giving your children a happy and safe roof over their heads and are making them feel loved. And that is what they’ll remember.

Are you on your local FB pages? This time of year, I’m forever seeing people offering up things in boxes that have never been opened, that they’d like to go to someone who is struggling. Obviously nobody will be giving away a PS5, but a toy or two will bring a few smiles on Christmas morning.

This isn’t forever. Things will get better. In the meantime, enjoy every minute with your lovely DC.

OP I hope this thread has made you feel less alone and that you now feel you can have a lovely christmas even if you cannot afford a million treats. I wish you all the best for the christmas season and hope you are able to find a permanent job soon.

Here's my list of fun games to play that cost very little. You and younger DC may need to be a team for some of them.

1. Tie a ribbon between 2 dining chairs - there should be about half a metre between the chairs. Each take turns at standing on one of the chairs and dropping a wrapped candy cane so that it catches on the ribbon. Person who does it in the least number of tries, wins.
2. Everyone gets a blank sheet of paper and has 1 minute to make as many words as you can out of a big christmas word - christmas or reindeer are good choices.
3. Turn the sheet of paper over - each person or team has 2 minutes to come up with a christmas related word for each letter of the alphabet.
4. Same sheet of paper - put it behind your back and rip it into the shape of a christmas tree. Person whose tree looks the most realistic wins.
5. Wrap up a few little treats and also some random other items. I have wrapped a pack of seeds that I was going to plant and a new ironing board cover. Try to disguise them so its not clear what they are. Take turns at throwing a dice. If you throw a 6 you can choose one of the wrapped items. If you throw a 1 you can steal someone elses. Keep going until all items have been claimed. Then unwrap and see what you ended up with.

I'd also suggest looking in charity shops for a Christmas themed jigsaw that you can all do together. It can be a fun way to have a bit of downtime and fill in a spare half hour.

Op post on your local FB group, you can do it anon and the admin will verify you. People are giving away so much and someone wil definitely have a coat. I’ve seen this a lot on my local groups and someone always steps forward. Best of luck

It’s hard OP I feel for you but you can still
make the season festive for your children. Find a nice garden centre with all the Xmas stuff to look around some have events going on. Make some nice hot chocolate watch a Xmas film together, do some Xmas crafting try Poundland for stuff, do some Xmas baking lots of inexpensive recipes on line eg gingerbread men, As for presents look on Vinted , FB Marketplace, charity shops. I’m sure your children feeling loved and cherished is the most important thing.

I really appreciate everyone sharing their stories, advice and support. My youngest loves football and minecraft and I found some football cards on my evening walk last night that can go in his stocking.
My eldest also came to me last night and showed me a gift he had got when he was my youngest age (one of those 'you are amazing' confidence books). He said it still looks new and said he'd love to wrap it for his brother. So that was a very welcome.

I signed up to volunteer at out school's christmas fair this morning. It made me feel better as I feel I am contributing and 'giving something'. My son can come with me and 'help' and it will be something festive we can do together while also helping.

Bless you, op. I know this time of year can be particularly stressful for a lot of people. I really wish Christmas could be stripped back and it wasn’t all about getting stuff!
I think you’ve had some good advice on this thread and whilst I have nothing I can add to that, I just want to repeat that you aren’t alone in feeling like this.
It’s clear to see how loved your children are from your post and that won’t go unnoticed by them im sure.
All the best.

The Salvation Army near me are supporting families who are struggling with Christmas Presents. It might be national. You usually need a professional referrer to submit a referral on your behalf (someone like a health visitor, child’s school, social worker, housing officer).
also Cash 4 Kids Mission Christmas do the same if they operate in your area