Christmas despair - my children deserve more

[Exhaustedbones]

Not quite sure why I am posting. I have name changed for obvious reasons. I am on my knees. I lost my job last year and due to the job market have struggled to get a new one. I am a newly single parent, 2 dc One teen and one primary age. I have fought so so hard to get back on my feet. I have done consultancy work here and there, whatever temp jobs I can get. I have sold everything I can sell on vinted/ebay. I do surveys, I do focus groups etc. Anything and everything I can think of to get us through. My mental and physical health have taken an enormous battering. It is isolating and humiliating beyond belief. My oldest doesn't have a winter coat.

For some reason, the thought of Christmas makes me feel sick to my core. My poor kids. My poor poor kids. They are good as gold. They understand. But after the two years of family breakdown, bereavements, uncertainty and extreme financial pressure they deserve to feel the joy and spirit of Christmas. I feel that I am failing them so miserably and the thought is to heavy to carry at times.

I don't know why I am posting really. I am so sorry. I just wanted to share it somewhere as I have no one to talk to about this in real life.

The advent calendar looks lovely @Exhaustedbones. Making it will be a wonderful memory for your little one. Sounds like you've been taking some positive steps, and hopefully the past few days have brought some encouraging things. I hope you can look forward to Christmas, even with all its challenges. Take care! x

That’s lovely @Exhaustedbones, it sounds like you had a great time. Give yourself some grace, take help where you can find it and remember that the kids want time with you above everything.

Put the popcorn in a pan with some oil and a lid. Then every now and again take the lid off so that the popcorn 'pops' out. It's so funny and the kids used to love it !
So did the dog as she used to clean it up. 😆

Thank you again everyone for your kind words and to everyone for sharing their own stories. Your messages have brought warmth and comfort during a very hard time. I am waiting to hear back from a job interview I had last week. I pray with all my might it comes off so that I can start to get back on my feet. My anxiety is through the roof but I am getting help for that now. My youngest and I cut out some snow flakes and put on the windows which he loved and we practise the songs for his Christmas carols performance at school which is nice..

That's beautiful. You could put some promises there too. "I promise to let you stay up til midnight on NYE so we can watch the fireworks together" type thing.

Glad you are feeling somewhat better, and best of luck on the job possibility.

I can guarantee you that your child will remember making the snowflakes and practising the carols more than any material gift you could buy him. don't forget about the salt/flour/water dough. Tree baubles, pencil holders, little dishes to hold odds and ends, etc. can be made from that (tons of recipes online) for pennies, decorated with cheap paints. It's fun, creative and they last for many years.

Surely you’re entitled to universal credit?

Good to read your update @Exhaustedbones! Nothing says Christmas like paper snowflakes and carols:) Well done on getting help for your anxiety and keep us posted about the possible job. Fingers crossed it's the right one for you. x

'Surely' you've read my posts?

I second to reach out to your kids schools. So many of us are struggling right now and there are others who are looking to give away their kids old clothes/barely worn- schools can link you up.
x x

Thank you, I have been given help with a winter coat and school shoes from a local charity. I am immensely grateful for this.

i know this is not addressing the larger problem but another thing to make the season special for your child; if you have even a pound you can spare, take him to a pound shop or charity shop (if he's old enough) and let him select a present for you, without you watching. Even a chocolate bar or a nice soap or something. Providing him with the ability to be a giver will be a priceless memory.

When I was little a local small department store had a set event where parents could bring children with some coins, they were provided an envelope that was pinned to the child's coat, money inside and a list of those to shop for on the outside. Volunteer ladies helped the kids select from inexpensive merchandise such as earrings or key rings, pre-selected and laid out on tables behind a curtain, so the kids could shop "in secret."

They somehow managed to make the children stretch their small funds - I have a feeling in hindsight the merchandise for these events was considered a charitable or marketing expense by the store and thus WAY underpriced. Anyway I was probably seven or eight and still recall my pride in purchasing presents for mother, father and grandmother, then wrapping them myself at home. It made more of an impression than whatever I received as gifts that year.

Have you found a local Buy Nothing group? People on mine are posting all sorts of children's clothing & gear, free for the taking, as well as like-new toys and household items that others are able to use as gifts.

Just another idea because I have a minecraft obsessed 5yo - you can do a lot with paper squares and rectangles - and if you ask people for cardboard for crafts they won’t think it’s related to finances. If you don’t have a tree you can make a minecraft tree etc. my living room gets filled every evening with minecraft inspired projects. I also found a website last year with all cardboard gift ideas, or for oldest you might be able to print off a poster with his favourite band or movie at the library.

If you can’t afford a traditional roast dinner (chicken, potato, carrots) you can go to a Church one.

I just wanted to thank you all for this post.

It has been really heartwarming to read all the stories and suggestions from strangers in a world that often seems very fractured and uncertain.

The spirit of Christmas really does seem to be alive and well underneath the layers of commercialism that seem to have taken over in recent years.

OP you might not have lots of money, but you sound wonderful, as do your boys.

I wish you and your family all the very best for the future and please do keep updating us xx

Thank you so so much everyone. I am so grateful for all your empathy, ideas and kind words. My interview went ok today - always SO hard to gauge but I prepared well and felt I gave a good account of myself. I have found several youtube videos as well with crafty stuff so we are doing lots of that in the evenings, I find it really soothing.

My youngest who has been brilliant was upset the other day as they had handed out a christmas thing (think xmas cards/tea towels etc) to those children whose parents had ordered them. He was sat there waiting for his and was crushed when he didn't get any. He is ok now, we have spoken about it and I phoned the company and managed to order something for him. Its no big deal in the big scheme of things, but this time of year has so many little moments like that.

I have not been able to get on a local buy nothing new page on facebook, I have looked but have not had much success. I will keep trying though.

The charity that helped me with the coat has also enabled me to give back in terms of volunteering which I am grateful for as it makes me feel better, if I also give something. I am doing my first shift next week.

I am still here, had another interview today. I'm praying with everything I have that I get this role. I can then start moving forward with everything that has been on hold for so long.

I am taking an enormous comfort in tue kindness and empathy from strangers as well as members from my community. My children are loved and held. They are safe and well. All will be well. This too shall pass.

Bless you. I hope things look up/are looking up for you. You seem like a wonderful empathetic person with lovely understanding children.
I wish only good things for all of you. X

Yes it will pass, they will likely remember this as a magical year when you spent time being with them.

Good luck! I hope the interview outcome is good for you.

Lidl were selling off gingerbread making kits for 99p today. That might be a nice little Xmas activity they could do together with you. Ask your school for a food bank referral. They can make them. Food banks are giving out selection boxes for families with DC ATM. Look on Facebook marketplace for clothes people are just giving away. Do you have any community larders near to you? ATM Aldi, Lidl and Morrisons are selling potatoes, swede, carrots, parsnips for 5p a pack of you have any of those close to you.

Yes we are supported by our local foodbank.🫂❤️

Hope the interview went well @Exhaustedbones. How are you doing? Hopefully feeling ok?

Still waiting to hear back 🤢. Thank you so much for thinking of me🙏.

Hope you had a good Christmas package from the food bank and all enjoyed Christmas.

It's been an emotional one. I have been humbled by the kindness of everyone on the thread and the power of community. My children have both said they had a really good Christmas and I think they genuinely did. I
am feeling very fraught as still waiting to hear back from the interviews I have had. Trying to take an hour at a time.