Christmas despair - my children deserve more

[Exhaustedbones]

Not quite sure why I am posting. I have name changed for obvious reasons. I am on my knees. I lost my job last year and due to the job market have struggled to get a new one. I am a newly single parent, 2 dc One teen and one primary age. I have fought so so hard to get back on my feet. I have done consultancy work here and there, whatever temp jobs I can get. I have sold everything I can sell on vinted/ebay. I do surveys, I do focus groups etc. Anything and everything I can think of to get us through. My mental and physical health have taken an enormous battering. It is isolating and humiliating beyond belief. My oldest doesn't have a winter coat.

For some reason, the thought of Christmas makes me feel sick to my core. My poor kids. My poor poor kids. They are good as gold. They understand. But after the two years of family breakdown, bereavements, uncertainty and extreme financial pressure they deserve to feel the joy and spirit of Christmas. I feel that I am failing them so miserably and the thought is to heavy to carry at times.

I don't know why I am posting really. I am so sorry. I just wanted to share it somewhere as I have no one to talk to about this in real life.

I take it that you don't have any family that you can ask for support? Is your oldest child still at school? If so, do reach out to the school, who will be able to help. Don't let that thing called pride, get in the way. There may be clothes banks in your area. Have a google to find out.

Have you checked if you are entitled to any benefits?

Is there nothing left for a charity shop coat or something off Vinted? Or is it the teen being particular about the kind of coat they want?

Have you checked Facebook community pages and local charities for coats and other clothes? There’s often lots going free on our local pages and the charities come round in the autumn with school uniforms and coats.

Are there local charities who may be able to help with clothes? Does their father pay maintenance? Have you family who could offer support?

Thank you both for responding. Yes I am entitled to benefits and claiming what I am entitled too. My family can't help. Yes my oldest is 14 so still in school. He is so kind and thoughtful. But its me who should be looking after him, he should not have to worry about me.

You should talk to your local food bank and church, they do sooo many toy drives and free winter coats etc in my area. It's hard to ask for help but it's there for your kids

Could you look to see what your local churches are doing? They might be doing Christmas activities, maybe a lunch on the day itself. They may be able to put you in contact with people who can help with a winter coat, presents etc.

Yes, I am on vinted and as soon as I sell another item I will get him a coat. My dad is in another country but he is sending us one of his coats. It will just take a while for it to get here.

And you are looking after him. Speak to the school, they can help with securing your child a coat.

Vinted and Olio are fab and have got me out of holes before.
Check your local churches and community centres. Our local Baptist church does free meals for anyone who turns up twice a month and it's great, very friendly.
I was given toys from another church once when I was absolutely skint.

Thank you so much. I will go to my church today and ask them. I can volunteer in return when my children are at school. I don't want to be a burden.

Whereabouts are you?

It is hard OP, and I wish I could say it's not getting harder.

Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️

Their father is currently not working and suffer with significant mental health issues, so it is very fraught and complicated. He helps with what he can, and is there for the children in the ways he can be. But I am on my own really in terms of their needs and providing.

Thank you for your understanding. I'm Lndn based.

It’s hard. That said, when every day is tough, little treats have a big impact! Hot chocolate and Christmas songs while you put up the decorations. TV dinner and a Christmas movie. Making microwave mug cakes.

Save up any bits and pieces being given away wherever you are- sometimes there will be a lolly jar, or a freebie like a pencil topper when you are out and about.

Haunt charity shops for little things. A stocking of small things is still a treat to open and explore. You could ask family members for a small stocking item on top of their usual gift- terrys chocolate orange each.

If you have the facilities at home, there are some cheap treats you can make- coconut ice, peppermint creams, Turkish delight. They make good gifts for family as well as for your DC.

Popcorn is great too, if you don’t normally have it. Get the grains from the supermarket and pop them in a paper bag in the microwave. Roll the top of the bag over. Great fun!

You won’t be a burden, even if you don’t volunteer. They want to help, and will often be able to signpost you to other support. Do use whatever they offer- food banks will have extras in the run up to Christmas- selection boxes for the dc for example. They can go in a stocking too. Nothing is too small to be saved for a stocking 🤣. Mine used to have things like small pads and pencils promotional items that business used to give out for advertising value!

Do you use Facebook? My local pages tend to have people doing a Christmas clear out- decorations and small children’s toys. Keep an eye on them.

Thank you everyone for being so kind, sharing ideas and encouragement. I really really appreciate it. We can talk about grief, neuro diversity, marriage problems, etc. But for some reason the shame, guilt etc associated with jobloss/financial struggles is just so unbelievably isolating. So to be able to share some of those emotions here, that have been bottled up for so long, is very helpful.

I really appreciate all the thoughtful tips. My youngest loves crafts so I will have a look at some festive crafty things we can do together at home. Both of them also loves baking so we can do that too when they break up from school.

Also look into community fridges. We have one locally that anyone can use. Each week, you can get a free bag of fresh food. They run it to prevent food waste. There are also many local groups that collect coats each winter; anyone can donate, anyone can take one. Perhaps there are similar schemes near you.
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time OP. Money worries are the most stressful thing.

Joy and spirit cost nothing or next to nothing OP. I surprised my adult dc with a couple of houses that had gone full out on the llights and decorations that I'd noticed and they were made up. A hot chocolate and cuddle on the sofa by candlelight watching a Christmas film, cutting old wrapping paper up to make paperchains, cutting snowflakes, concertina snowmen etc. You being happy is what matters, positivity. They'll have plenty of good memories to look back on.

Have a paperchain station! I was a primary teacher and a paperchain station was always busy! A stapler and some papers of all kinds- wrappers, odds and ends of wrapping paper, cheerful bags and magazine pages…

Cutting out the strips and stapling them to see how long you can get the chain… then hanging it is fun as well!

You sound lovely and I doubt you imagine that the other people using foodbanks etc. are a burden so please don’t think of yourself as one. I know this sounds trite but there are a lot of kids who get plenty of stuff but a lot less of the love you’re giving your kids. And they won’t remember the stuff…