Not ungrateful but sh*t gifts from family

[elephantsbreafh]

i shouldn’t be complaining as I didn’t expect anything so should be grateful for what I got… however, I’d rather not get anything than get tat that I don’t like and won’t use.

pyjamas 2 sizes too small
a towel with tag and price still attached
a ‘designer’ purse from my sibling - not my taste at all, she even told me she wanted to keep it for herself and was probably hoping I’d say she could keep it (she has form for this)
a bottle of cheap hand soap
a novelty bath bomb (I don’t have a bath, and I’m fussy with skincare…)

I try to shop local and handmade where I can, and I’d rather get people something small but thoughtful and/or useful. I don’t go around buying mass produced tat for the sake of gifts, and my family know me well enough to know that. I just feel so disappointed that for years I’ve put so much effort into their gifts, and every year I’m left thinking wtf? I’d honestly have been happier with one small thing that actually had some thought put into it.

Would it seem really mean to enforce no gifts next year? Apart from for the kids?

Just take it all to the charity shop - someone will want it.

On the plus side, less clutter.

You've reminded me of one of my favourite threads!

I already know the answer to this really, because I either only display these items when my aunt visits, OR I look like the craziest narcissist this side of “I love myself town”.

My aunt is a beautiful and generous woman, and I love her. She buys me lots of thoughtful gifts at Christmas because she loves to do it, and I am grateful. She also loves to spend time making sure her gifts are personal, but MN, OH MN, this year has been spectacular....

I am 40 years old, I live with my DS who is 9. And this year my aunt has gone onto my Facebook, specifically my profile pictures and for Christmas I got the following....

A full length canvas print of me posing in a dress.
A mug with my face on.
A travel mug with my face on.
not one, BUT TWO cushions each of a close up OF MY FACE.
A FULL CALENDER EACH MONTH WITH A DIFFERENT PICTURE OF MY OWN FACE!

Now, who, IN THEIR RIGHT MIND HAS THEIR OWN FACE ON CUSHIONS! IMAGINE WHAT VISITORS WOULD THINK!

It has made me laugh so much, but was not in any way a joke....ahhhhhh families eh?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk
/amibeing_unreasonable/3783224-To-hide-these-items-unless-she-s-visiting

But how is this a nice thing to do - buy someone something they have to dispose of - give someone another job to add to their to do list. Buying shitty gifts is not appreciated by most people - culturally we should stop doing it -how on earth does the giver of a crap gift feel good about this - how little do they think about the receiver- the whole thing is screwy thinking.

This is why I don't like Christmas. The world is full of people buying rubbish for people they don't want to buy for (else why would they buy crap?) with money they don't have. And out shopping prior to Christmas, they're ALL in MY way! Bah Humbug!

We solved this problem this year. In November all the adults met up and took a list of things they might like, up to the value of £100, with their name on it (amount was decided by a prior vote on WhatsApp). When they arrived, I gave each adult an envelope and they placed the list inside. Then we put all the envelopes in a box and took one each. The recipient (Secret Santa) bought the gifts from the list up to the value of £100. There were also items on the lists for the full £100 so the recipient would receive just one gift, their choice.
This stopped all the gifting of 'tat' and ensured that everyone received a decent gift that they actually wanted, whilst saving us all money at the same time! We are definitely doing it again each year going forward as it was a huge success. Obviously kids were not included.

Haha Disney candle sometimes there’s skill in finding the worst gift. It’s probably a thing somewhere

Amusing post very trad Christmas. I have problem with close person both giving and receiving. They are dedicated minimalist and no waste sort and I’m the opposite. I only buy charity shop vintage and have way too much although a lot of lovely things! But DD and I similar taste so that’s nice.

I wondered how you observed your family’s gifts to each other, ie did they seem pleased with what they got each other? Did those gifts seem different to those you received?

I still don't understand why adults wouldn't just buy themselves the stuff on the list instead of getting someone else to buy it for you.

So that everyone can exchange gifts but they all got something they actually wanted, and nobody knew what item(s) they were getting from their lists.

That's so wasteful. Don't you have local charity shops?

We didn't give Christmas presents. Only Hanukkah until we grew up. I don't remember anything from aunts etc, just knickers and vests from my grandparents. At work, 50+ years ago, for the secret santa gift, I'd buy something I'd like but would not buy for myself and it was aways ok.

Yanbu. My mum got me a coat.. I have loads of coats and she knows that. It was way too big and in a colour I really don’t like. We’re really close, so she knows me well… anyway I told her the truth and she returned it lol

you know what I'd like? I'd like the gift of time too, and it's very easy to sort - just don't expect me to spend hours and hours of my precious evening downtime on searching for the perfect present for you when you can look for it yourself if you so desperately want that item.

I think some people actually make it all about THEM.

Oh and that's also really patronising "they wouldn't have discovered it on their own"

Probably the lack of thanks got the desired result then. They've probably dropped hints in the past, which you've missed, about stopping present exchanges, and you've continued in your mission "to once again make an effort to buy thoughtful things". They probably just don't want to exchange gifts full stop but some people are so bloody insistent. If they don't take the hint, probably they just don't bother saying thankyou in the hope that that will put an end to it.

I'm so glad this thread exists. My in laws came around for xmas meal and they have gotten so awful each year as the years go by with gifts. my hubby got a block of cheese and jar of jam.
Bearing in mind my hubby does a work savings club all year to buy his families xmas and birthday presents. We dont go overboard but basic decent gifts wouldn't go amiss.
They are fussy eaters so i have to cook all kinds of different things instead off just a turkey, fil doesnt like currants so has a different dessert to mil who wants traditional xmas pud ....sil wants to choose her food on the actual day..... nightmare.
we used to eat out but it became expensive. oh the joys of it all.

Just throw it in the bin. I do. I tell my family I appreciate the idea but I really want zero gifts. Yet I still get utter junk

What does the exchange of gifts mean - it’s not the thought because that’s been taken care of by the list. I just don’t understand the point.

I know what you mean @Hahahahohoho. DH's side do Secret Santa through an app and this year we could link it to actual gifts we wanted from a handful of outlets. It felt a bit flat on Christmas day. We're a group of people in their 50s and 60s who can afford to buy the gifts for themselves anyway. So we basically online ordered something off the list and the only real thought was wrapping the present. I had a chocoholic so added a large bar so that there was something a bit different with their other gifts. Most people went for very practical things that they would use.

I’d say in good time (July-Sept) that you aren’t doing gifts for adults anymore and please could people just buy for children, and even then only if they want to. Christmas is a consumption nightmare - shit gifts that almost nobody wants or needs. Presumably you have PJs, a purse, towels and soap? I’d charity shop the entire lot and forget about it.

Well I got one (very nice) gift and spent Christmas and most of the time on my own. I would have liked to have gone out for a nice Christmas meal with someone or had a drink on New Year's Eve with someone.

OP, I don't think the gifts sound so bad.

It's hard to know someone's size.
A towel sounds useful - is it really so awful that the person forgot to take off the tag?
The person probably forgot about the bath thing, because most people do have a bath, and it's difficult to choose the right skincare products for someone who is particular.
Cheap hand soap is not very exciting, but on the other hand, you can stick it in the loo and it will get used.

I think if you have high expectations regarding gifts and want stuff to be "thoughtful" and just right, you're probably going to be disappointed at 99% of gifts you receive, and it might be easier to just talk to family about not doing presents next time and spending the money on getting together for a pub lunch or whatever.

I hate to say this, but: whenever I hear of someone talking about how much they deserve better gifts because "I'm a thoughtful present-giver!" I do roll my eyes a bit. I have a couple of people in my life who love choosing and giving gifts, and I haven't succeeded in getting them to agree with a no-gift rule: they are convinced (I know, because they've said this) that they are a really thoughtful chooser and giver of presents, and go on about how they picked this thing for me because XYZ and they are sure it's going to be just perfect for me, and... sorry, but the gifts are usually wrong in some detail. You know, a phonics book for my child which I'll never use because I only use particular types of phonics schemes. A scarf which is almost exactly the same as one I already have. There is no way the friend in question could know this, because there will always be items I own but have never used in their presence, and I don't sit there having conversations with friends about exactly which phonics scheme I favor. Your handmade gifts may not be to some recipients' taste, honestly.

I am fussy too, so I prefer to do just do no-presents (if the other person will let me!) and enjoy Christmas for get-togethers and socializing, not end up feeling annoyed and having to spend my time decluttering stuff.

The gifts don't seem too bad to me. The pyjamas and bag can surely be exchanged, other things that you won't use such as bath bombs and soap regifted or put in charity shop bag. We all receive gifts that are useless to us but the gesture is kindly meant, often people sincerely believe they are being thoughtful, so remember that and try to be less ungracious.

You could try my tack!
i have a friend who has a asd kid 4 years younger than my asd kid (11 & 7)
she lets the kids choose the presents at we end up with stuff the younger kid wants or she’ll just buy shit games, but good ones, shit ones that make no sense or are really difficult to play.

so I buy shit games for her kid that is aimed at an older demographic.
one day she might learn!
yes passive aggressive, yes I sound ungrateful (I’m not but why should I put the effort in she can’t be arsed)
we’ve even had the let’s stop buying conversation but she still buys!

Wtf🤷