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Original poster

Not ungrateful but sh*t gifts from family

202 replies

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 07:12

i shouldn’t be complaining as I didn’t expect anything so should be grateful for what I got… however, I’d rather not get anything than get tat that I don’t like and won’t use.

pyjamas 2 sizes too small
a towel with tag and price still attached
a ‘designer’ purse from my sibling - not my taste at all, she even told me she wanted to keep it for herself and was probably hoping I’d say she could keep it (she has form for this)
a bottle of cheap hand soap
a novelty bath bomb (I don’t have a bath, and I’m fussy with skincare…)

I try to shop local and handmade where I can, and I’d rather get people something small but thoughtful and/or useful. I don’t go around buying mass produced tat for the sake of gifts, and my family know me well enough to know that. I just feel so disappointed that for years I’ve put so much effort into their gifts, and every year I’m left thinking wtf? I’d honestly have been happier with one small thing that actually had some thought put into it.

Would it seem really mean to enforce no gifts next year? Apart from for the kids?

OP posts:
mynameisbrian · 29/12/2022 13:44

had similar with my outlaws. i got socks, my DH got a scarf with the price tag on it, same as my DS and my 18yr old DD got a pair of tartan style gloves you would see old ladies wearing on the streets of pitlochry. My DD is a fashionable young lady so not in keeping with her style at all. My DH got upset when I told him the gifts were shocking and not to bother next year...its lazy. I used to make efforts with them all and now leave it to him asI got fed up with shit gifts

Sleepwhatsthazzz · 29/12/2022 13:47

Adults I buy for and get back from, we give each other strong clues on what we would like. Such as tablet, perfume, jumper, handbag etc.
I woukd HATE the homemade stuff from stalls you get people and would love what you were given. Maybe your relatives have a thread on here about your gifts. Different strokes and all that. Just say no gifts

VerifiedBot2351 · 29/12/2022 13:50

Send them all to me! I love shit presents. I only get presents from DP (which are great presents) and I’d love some tacky stuff

Lapland123 · 29/12/2022 13:58

I’d also hate some local handmade nonsense.
I think for adults give and receive consumable items is the only sensible way to go - alcohol, bath stuff etc

I am irritated that I always ask what family members would like and I get them that. They never ask me what I would like and get me some complete nonsense that they would like, but not me.

it’s surprising after all these years they never think to ask me what I would like in the same conversation that I ask them what they would like

a few things going straight to charity shop, and one self help book ( Ffs 😂😂) being kept by one of my teens as a joke present for a friend

what a waste of money. Except they got things they liked. I’m the one who lost out. I’d rather not do any of it.

Butterflyfluff · 29/12/2022 14:00

This is a MN classic gift thread

Why would you assume that because your gifts are ‘local’ and ‘handmade’ that they are somehow more thoughtful?

IMO by insisting gifts are both local and handmade significantly restricts the options and quite likely means the recipient also thinks their gifts are shit

Just stop exchanging gifts with these people

scoopoftheday · 29/12/2022 14:06

Dh has one sibling.

They stopped buying Christmas gifts to us years ago and we both donate to charity now instead.

However, our child had a significant birthday over Christmas and they posted them what can only be described as a selection box.

Tight miserable bastards.

Original poster
elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 14:07

When I said about local/handmade, I meant it more in the sense that that’s what I like and they know I don’t like ‘tat’. The gifts I purchased were well thought out for the recipients, not handmade tat 🤣

OP posts:
Wetblanket78 · 29/12/2022 14:09

A family member has got me some jumpers in an itchy type of wool which I don't wear. I won't be able to get them on anyway. Because of the pain in my left arm and shoulder from a pinched nerve. I've been living in over sized t-shirts and a hoody. Oh and has a habit of telling me the cost of gifts. I don't expect anything I would rather they just buy what I ask for son and daughter. But it's often the cheaper version and a load of tatt.

Butterflyfluff · 29/12/2022 14:12

The gifts I purchased were well thought out for the recipients, not handmade tat

In your opinion - I suspect they disagree

Any they probably think their gifts to you were well thought out

They reality is you all appear to be buying what you’d like to receive / prefer to buy

Ohnotheydidnt · 29/12/2022 14:13

My worst gifts are the handmade ones.

I received two scarves (from different people!) that were obviously purchased at craft markets. One is made of cheap butterfly material in ghastly colours with frills on each end! Think Pat Butcher at a wedding.

The other is knitted in scratchy dark brown wool that left red blotches on my neck when I tried it on (being polite!).

I won't use either. And they'll most likely end up in clothes recycling!

What would have been nice? A scarf from M&S or Sainsburys. I saw a soft one in Asda a few days ago! The fabrics are so much more wearable and comfortable.

ilovebeaches · 29/12/2022 14:14

I only got one present. I get fuck all from family for various reasons.

People who are close to me got in touch at Christmas and that was the important thing to me.

Katypp · 29/12/2022 14:14

Wetblanket78 · 29/12/2022 14:09

A family member has got me some jumpers in an itchy type of wool which I don't wear. I won't be able to get them on anyway. Because of the pain in my left arm and shoulder from a pinched nerve. I've been living in over sized t-shirts and a hoody. Oh and has a habit of telling me the cost of gifts. I don't expect anything I would rather they just buy what I ask for son and daughter. But it's often the cheaper version and a load of tatt.

I think this post wins the award this year for ridiculous expectations. How on earth did your family member (assuming it's not close family as you would have said) know you had a pinched nerve?
So far the winner was on another thread who rejected a door stop as thoughtless because the giver didn't know she has a drafty house!
Don't people realise that they are not the most important person the giver has to buy for in most of these examples?

adultchildofalcoholicparents · 29/12/2022 14:16

I got nothing and I'm thankful for it.

I am free of passive-aggressive gifts, thoughtless gifts, the hag of sending or receiving them, and free of guilt for accumulating and circulating tat.

I transfer money to children's accounts as their parents and other relatives have most presents/big items sorted. The money goes towards their savings or subsidises something that they want like sports activities.

I recommend releasing yourself from the tyranny of meaningless gift exchange.

dutysuite · 29/12/2022 14:17

I remember one year having to buy for 5 in-laws, my children were small so it was down to me to go out and choose the gifts from them - it was decided as we were all having a family Christmas we’d do £20 per person secret Santa gift, I put a lot of thought into the gifts and I received a tiny travel sized old fashion looking bubble bath in a battered torn box. I felt really hurt, as it was just another spiteful act from certain in-laws.

Billoddiesbeard · 29/12/2022 14:20

No gift swapping this year with family, for all the reasons previously given by other posters. We agreed with the friends we spent Christmas to buy "bad taste presents" costing less than €20. These gave us a good laugh Christmas day and nobody gets offended if they go to a charity shop or the bin at a later date.
So much less stressful and so much cheaper Wink

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 29/12/2022 14:21

YANBU.

I put thought into gifts and just got complained at. One didn't even say thank you.

Next year I'm not bothering for anyone apart from dc.

LovelyRachel · 29/12/2022 14:21

We have an eco warrior in our family. We keep telling her to stop buying gifts as its wasteful and think of landfill / recycling etc.

She doesn't listen and every year DH and I get weird patterned t shirts with aggressive eco mottos on. We would never wear them out and about. They're a waste and end up in clothes recycling.

She uses about half a roll of cellotape per gift and bangs on about carbon footprints.

We're like "duuuuuhhhhh!" 🤣 but no, she won't stop buying passive aggressive "live my way" style gifts.

BaublesandBangles · 29/12/2022 14:22

They don't sound like shit gifts to me. Oh and you can write 'shit' on MN. No need for

BaublesandBangles · 29/12/2022 14:23

the *

Wetblanket78 · 29/12/2022 14:25

She actually does know I have a pinched nerve as she has seen the pain I've been in with it. I told her why I haven't been able to get dressed up. She has been helping me with household tasks. Things like reaching up with my right arm which isn't affected.. I get shooting pains in my left arm where the pinched nerve is.

amonsteronthehill · 29/12/2022 14:25

Return/exchange the pajamas.
Return the towel.
Return/exchange the designer handbag for something you want/will enjoy/will use.

Refuse to exchange presents next year.

TimeBurglar · 29/12/2022 14:29

Apparently I buy lovely, thoughtful gifts and my relatives really appreciate them. It’s a shame they don’t reciprocate, especially when I’m hosting and doing all the work too.

My DH and DC got lovely gifts, as I directed our parents as to what they’d like. I got a load of tatt from very cheap shops, I don’t even think someone would buy them if I send them to the charity shop.

I Know that sounds really ungrateful, but next year I am going to ask that no one buys me anything at all because, I threw some of it away after it collapsed in my hands.

whattodo1975 · 29/12/2022 14:30

I'm trying to introduce adults not buying for other adults in my family for next year.

OH is sadly not keen on idea, even though thier side of family requires most buying for (which they do the buying for).

Wetblanket78 · 29/12/2022 14:31

As I've said I don't expect anything off them. I would rather they just got the one gift for my son and daughter. They live in the same town, don't have children themself. Parents both passed away. They don't have contact with her dw family. So us and db family is the only ones they buy for.

iknowimcoming · 29/12/2022 14:33

My mil gave me the 'hairy dieters cookbook' and as I unwrapped it she said "now, iknow, I'm not saying you're fat or anything, it's just that I had this book myself and it has some very good recipes in it that I thought you'd like" Hmm and I can pretty much guarantee that it was her book and she's got bored of it, since most of the presents she gives are secondhand