Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Not ungrateful but sh*t gifts from family

202 replies

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 07:12

i shouldn’t be complaining as I didn’t expect anything so should be grateful for what I got… however, I’d rather not get anything than get tat that I don’t like and won’t use.

pyjamas 2 sizes too small
a towel with tag and price still attached
a ‘designer’ purse from my sibling - not my taste at all, she even told me she wanted to keep it for herself and was probably hoping I’d say she could keep it (she has form for this)
a bottle of cheap hand soap
a novelty bath bomb (I don’t have a bath, and I’m fussy with skincare…)

I try to shop local and handmade where I can, and I’d rather get people something small but thoughtful and/or useful. I don’t go around buying mass produced tat for the sake of gifts, and my family know me well enough to know that. I just feel so disappointed that for years I’ve put so much effort into their gifts, and every year I’m left thinking wtf? I’d honestly have been happier with one small thing that actually had some thought put into it.

Would it seem really mean to enforce no gifts next year? Apart from for the kids?

OP posts:
MontyK · 29/12/2022 20:12

As much as I don't like doing this, I think next year I will have to write a list for people.

Like you, I put time and effort into the presents that I buy people and the same cannot be said for certain members of my family!

I spent around £70 on my Dad and I got one crappy cheap gift in return, that I can't use anyway.

Katypp · 29/12/2022 20:37

Greatly · 29/12/2022 20:06

Fucking hell. The amount of posts on here about people thinking they give the world's best gifts and everyone else gives "tat". You can dress it up however you like, but it's spoilt, grabby behaviour.

Agree 100%.

MadMadMadamMim · 29/12/2022 20:48

Oh this sounds familiar! My DM has (again) bought me clothes that I don't like and that don't fit. A jumper, a T shirt and a pair of PJs. None of them are the correct size. She's been doing this - despite me asking her not to - for the last 40 years since I left home. We don't share the same taste and she doesn't appear to know what dress size I am, so God knows why she persists.

She also bought me a huge non-fiction book on a topic I've never shown an interest in. I asked for a book token, not a random book on Medieval Folklore. All of her presents are basically things she found in a sale throughout the year and bought because they were cheap, before randomly deciding who she'd give them to for Christmas. (She is much better off financially than we are, and does not need to do this).

It's frustrating, annoying and leaves me feeling sad that she obviously has no interest in me, or trying to choose something I might like. I am then expected to be gushingly grateful for her shit gifts.

LifeIsJustOneBigWTAF · 29/12/2022 22:01

To those who insist on swapping gifts with other adults 'so the childless ones don't get left out' - do me a favour. As a 'childless one' myself, I can tell you I'm delighted to only have to buy for my many nephews and nieces. The additional mental load and expense of buying for adults who already have everything they could possibly need for 10 lifetimes - no thank you. Anyway, if you feel that bad about your childless, presentless relative you could always get them a little something 'from the children', no?

christmaschats · 29/12/2022 23:40

I'm quite glad I no longer get many gifts. For years people used to buy me bubble bath sets. I couldn't really tell them it gives me thrush!

chali7 · 30/12/2022 00:31

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 07:12

i shouldn’t be complaining as I didn’t expect anything so should be grateful for what I got… however, I’d rather not get anything than get tat that I don’t like and won’t use.

pyjamas 2 sizes too small
a towel with tag and price still attached
a ‘designer’ purse from my sibling - not my taste at all, she even told me she wanted to keep it for herself and was probably hoping I’d say she could keep it (she has form for this)
a bottle of cheap hand soap
a novelty bath bomb (I don’t have a bath, and I’m fussy with skincare…)

I try to shop local and handmade where I can, and I’d rather get people something small but thoughtful and/or useful. I don’t go around buying mass produced tat for the sake of gifts, and my family know me well enough to know that. I just feel so disappointed that for years I’ve put so much effort into their gifts, and every year I’m left thinking wtf? I’d honestly have been happier with one small thing that actually had some thought put into it.

Would it seem really mean to enforce no gifts next year? Apart from for the kids?

Maybe you could try doing a family secret santa? We did one this year instead of buying for everyone and it was brilliant. We set it up online, added our wish lists, budget, and off we all went with one person to buy for. We exchanged gifts on Xmas eve, each of us having received something from our wish list, if we put one. Some of us opted for a surprise. There are 8 of us in total, and we could select it so that we didn't get our partners within the exchange which worked really well too.

Adeckofcards · 30/12/2022 00:51

Butterflyfluff · 29/12/2022 19:49

OP, I’m sorry you’ve had a crap Christmas but you are totally missing the point that the issue here is your family buy the gifts they’d like to receive - not the gifts your recipients actually want

The gifts you gave them are no better than you received - you just can’t see that

You think your gifts were thoughtful but, on the face of it they really aren’t anymore thoughtful than those you received

The only option is to stop the reciprocal giving / receiving of stuff you don’t want or need

Then you won’t need to start a thread saying the gifts from your family were shit

Show quote history

This.

I've often felt I put more effort in than other people ie until somebody gave me a very expensive gift (for something she loved herself). I didn't appreciate the gift itself and felt bad accepting it as I knew how much she had paid for it. It really does come down to mismatched tastes.

AcerbicColleague · 30/12/2022 01:02

The thing about these threads is the mismatch of expectations. If you need or want a particular gift/ value of gift/ type of gift, then you need to let others know or it probably won't happen.

No-one is a mind reader. Also, even thoughtful people don't necessarily have a window into your thoughts, or the time to come up with the perfect gift.

Plus everyone has different values. My sister covets high-value items and also gives those to others. I am not materialistic so it makes no difference to me whether or not I receive a gift. In fact, usually I just pop them in the cupboard until I find someone to pass them on to. But when it comes to my sister, I seek out high-value items for her because I know that's what she likes. For someone else I might make a gift or take out, depending on what sort of gifts they value.

MermaidMummy06 · 30/12/2022 01:14

I've been trying to stop buying between adults for years in my family. Unfortunately no one listens to me. Most gifts are soo far away from anything I'd like or use they go straight to charity, unopened.

I give as I expect now. DB goes to a discount department store and grabs random, poor quality stuff on Xmas Eve for us, SIL does zip to guide him otherwise (is in store with him, buys lovely gifts for her own family elsewhere). So I give as much thought to their gifts as they do to us. I buy something they can use but don't put a lot of thought or money into it. Their DC get money.

LBFseBrom · 30/12/2022 01:29

I don't think the list of gifts is that bad.

It is difficult to think of smallish gifts for adults but there are things that seem to be universally acceptable; peaches in brandy, a beautiful calendar (I bought two lovely ones as gifts - one was art deco and the other classic musical instruments), biscuits in a decorative, collectable tin ......all go down well.

Whatifthegrassisblue · 30/12/2022 01:31

Definitely do no-gifts, I totally agree with you, I'm so over the whole thing. Or do Secret Santa with a price suggestion so everyone gets one quality gift (if the family might be more receptive to that)

MargaretMead · 30/12/2022 01:33

We decided not to exchange gifts between adults this year and going forwards. It worked brilliantly.

It reads as though you’re all buying with yourselves in mind, a problem when you have different tastes. We were each buying gifts that were wanted by the recipients but it was still causing resentment. My wider family love mass market designer clothes and homewares. I resented spending cash on sweatshop clothing and future landfill. They resented traipsing around small artisan shops.

ArcticSkewer · 30/12/2022 01:39

This was a funny read. Thanks for revealing your own gifts to them, op, it was brave and honest to do so.

If I were to make a list of potentially crap presents I am afraid that wellies would be very high on that list.

You may be right, and they are perfect for the recipient, but equally a designer purse sounds perfect and thoughtful, and I expect you made all the right noises of liking it.

You all sound as though a present amnesty would save money and heartache - go for it!

Adeckofcards · 30/12/2022 02:21

LBFseBrom · 30/12/2022 01:29

I don't think the list of gifts is that bad.

It is difficult to think of smallish gifts for adults but there are things that seem to be universally acceptable; peaches in brandy, a beautiful calendar (I bought two lovely ones as gifts - one was art deco and the other classic musical instruments), biscuits in a decorative, collectable tin ......all go down well.

If I got a calendar (beautiful or not), I would not have any use for it as I use my diary and my phone. The last time I used a calendar was approx ten years ago.

I'm afraid it probably wouldn't even be sent to the charity shop. I'd ask if anyone wanted it and I'd put into the recycling bin with the others I have been given (namely from MIL) despite telling her I won't use them.

ArcticSkewer · 30/12/2022 02:36

Calendars are definitely a no. Once I have one (which you obviously have to get well before the end of December unless you only plan a week in advance) I don't need another. T h most people I know don't use them at all. I am quite old skool.

I don't drink.

Biscuits are great before xmas but not after as I am hugely overweight by then. They usually go in to work.

For me, universally accepted gifts are extremely expensive chocolates, or things that can be easily regifted or given to raffles

Leightommy14 · 30/12/2022 05:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

PermanentTemporary · 30/12/2022 07:19

God Leightomummy just take them back! If you've got the receipt he knows that you might not like them. I'd hate to think I gave people stuff they didn't like, in fact I know I have and it's not great. I'd love people to get something they really like instead.

elephantcandle · 30/12/2022 09:28

Yup, every year I get a yankee candle gift set (mini candles). I throw them away.

quinceh · 30/12/2022 09:35

I got a commemorative Charles III coin, despite not being royalist in any way 😀I agree with PP about not doing presents for adults. Waste of time and money on the whole.

icanwearwhatiwant · 30/12/2022 09:57

LBFseBrom · 30/12/2022 01:29

I don't think the list of gifts is that bad.

It is difficult to think of smallish gifts for adults but there are things that seem to be universally acceptable; peaches in brandy, a beautiful calendar (I bought two lovely ones as gifts - one was art deco and the other classic musical instruments), biscuits in a decorative, collectable tin ......all go down well.

So this post just proves how different tastes can be and how one adult can buy something they swear is lovely and universally acceptable.

Peaches in brandy? How can they possibly be universally acceptable? I don't actually know a single person who would welcome this as a gift.

A calendar (no matter how "beautiful" you think it is) is hit and miss, different tastes plus as pp said if you have one you don't need another.

Biscuits, yes I'll give you that one, most boxes of biscuits or tins of chocolates won't go to waste one way or another.

Katypp · 30/12/2022 10:12

Peaches in brandy - nope. Don't drink so brandy is a no-no.
Calendar - nope. I do use them but only need one, which I buy myself. Would be fine if someone committed to buying me one every year though
Biscuits - fine for the biscuit tin.

I would never throw them out though. They would be regifted/donated/stored unril next Christmas (peaches) /taken into work (calandar)
I think throwing a candle set out is disgusting actually @elephantcandle@elephantcandle.@elephantcandle@elephantcandle there must be a way you can reuse or donate this gift? Just throwing it away is shocking.

Katypp · 30/12/2022 10:13

I have no idea why @elephantcandle appeared four times!

Greatly · 30/12/2022 10:36

God! Just don't do presents. All these gifts are crap and a total waste of money. Having said that, when we used to do adult gifts, one year I got a huge jar of raw oak honey which lasted nearly two years and was delicious, and a Le Cruset mug which I loved and use every day. But I'd never assume anyone else would like those.

Stopping gifts for anyone but my own children and family children has revolutionised my Christmas and I enjoyed the season far more this year. I now just say I don't do presents. Some people get pissed off, but tough. Boundaries!

Hahahahohoho · 30/12/2022 11:57

LBFseBrom · 30/12/2022 01:29

I don't think the list of gifts is that bad.

It is difficult to think of smallish gifts for adults but there are things that seem to be universally acceptable; peaches in brandy, a beautiful calendar (I bought two lovely ones as gifts - one was art deco and the other classic musical instruments), biscuits in a decorative, collectable tin ......all go down well.

I'm sorry but if you gave me any of that stuff it would not be appreciated. I like booze but peaches in brandy no thank you. We don't eat biscuits, calendar is an online experience Even getting me wine or gin doesn't lift my spirits - happy to buy and chose my own - someone choosing for me doesn't feel like a treat and honestly unwrapping gifts does not give me a thrill especially when the contents are a bit crap. It's time we stopped giving people shit like this for them to fake gratitude.

Butterflyfluff · 30/12/2022 12:36

Peaches in brandy - a universally acceptable gift 😂

That has to be the most random and least desirable ‘generic’ gift I’ve heard on here

And that, hysterically, illustrates the issue here

I can’t thing of a single person who would appreciate that as a gift yet that PP would clearly consider it to be a thoughtful and appreciated item

Christmas would be a lot less stressful without the ritual of exchanging pointless gifts between adults