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Christmas

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Original poster

Not ungrateful but sh*t gifts from family

202 replies

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 07:12

i shouldn’t be complaining as I didn’t expect anything so should be grateful for what I got… however, I’d rather not get anything than get tat that I don’t like and won’t use.

pyjamas 2 sizes too small
a towel with tag and price still attached
a ‘designer’ purse from my sibling - not my taste at all, she even told me she wanted to keep it for herself and was probably hoping I’d say she could keep it (she has form for this)
a bottle of cheap hand soap
a novelty bath bomb (I don’t have a bath, and I’m fussy with skincare…)

I try to shop local and handmade where I can, and I’d rather get people something small but thoughtful and/or useful. I don’t go around buying mass produced tat for the sake of gifts, and my family know me well enough to know that. I just feel so disappointed that for years I’ve put so much effort into their gifts, and every year I’m left thinking wtf? I’d honestly have been happier with one small thing that actually had some thought put into it.

Would it seem really mean to enforce no gifts next year? Apart from for the kids?

OP posts:
Delandra · 30/12/2022 13:08

Yanbu. It’s potentially a big waste of money and resources to buy or give something that isn’t wanted or useful. And then there’s the politics of giving/receiving gifts. In the past when funds were v limited I’d know there was pressure to buy certain things for some people and if I didn’t they’d be angry. The very same people would gift me bizarre toys/ornaments which were totally unsuitable for an adult. Gift tokens, money or specific lists limit waste and silliness.

LBFseBrom · 30/12/2022 15:20

I don't get you, it's a lovely gift and not expensive. That's all I meant, nobody has to buy it.

LILLYPRINT · 30/12/2022 17:55

We used to get a lot of gifts that we would not use but always grateful of the thought. However, rather than have stuff we wouldn't use, a couple of years ago we told everyone we would no longer be buying gifts for anyone, instead, any money we would have spent is now donated to a different local charity each year. This works well and takes the stress out of trying to think of what to get for everyone.

Jack80 · 30/12/2022 18:03

lauraccccc · 29/12/2022 07:32

I pulled out of our work gift exchange for this reason. I would make a big effort to get someone something thoughtful and last year I got a damaged Disney candle (I'm 40 and have no interest in Disney whatsoever) and a bottle of cheap Prosecco when the person knows I don't drink at all and haven't for most of my adult life. I would wait until closer by I Xmas next year then suggest no presents going forward

In my workplace we all said 3 things we liked, I said skull things and got a skull plant I’m pleased with. It’s when you can’t say I don’t like I got a green horrid nail varnish off a man at a job one year.

longtompot · 30/12/2022 18:04

Family secret Santa is the way to go. Anyone over 18 can take part and hopefully your giftee will give suggestions on something like boogspace.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 30/12/2022 18:06

Mine was an oven dish for casseroles. We happen to use a slow cooker for these kind of things as the whole family know. The giver of said gift me tinned when here for one of several dinners out of said slow cooker how much better it tasted cooked that way rather than in the oven. I however had paid attention to a few things mentioned throughout the year. Moving forward I said to dp I will put less thought and effort.

amispeakingintongues · 30/12/2022 18:13

You don’t give to receive.

and you do sound ungrateful, sorry.

Nogg · 30/12/2022 18:21

This is the issue with presents. People like different things.
some people are really bad at buying gifts.
I would hate anything local and hand made so I think you don’t seem to realise that yabu

Original poster
elephantsbreafh · 30/12/2022 18:33

FFS, the reason I said I like local and handmade things is because my family know this and gifted me things that are of no use to me and completely thoughtless. I’m not saying I gift people things that I like myself. The reason I’m disappointed is that it feels like my own family barely know me, that’s all. The gifts may not be ‘that bad’, the point is that they’re completely generic and not suited to me at all. 🤣

OP posts:
pinkpantherpink · 30/12/2022 18:46

elephantsbreafh · 30/12/2022 18:33

FFS, the reason I said I like local and handmade things is because my family know this and gifted me things that are of no use to me and completely thoughtless. I’m not saying I gift people things that I like myself. The reason I’m disappointed is that it feels like my own family barely know me, that’s all. The gifts may not be ‘that bad’, the point is that they’re completely generic and not suited to me at all. 🤣

Some people are crap at buying gifts for others. We buy for children knowing what they would like (usually). Adults can be more challenging esp as we often buy 'the things we "want" ourselves these days.

We buy stocking type gifts. A handful of silly bits including the things we know people like inc. Chocolate and other Christmasy things like marzipan etc.

Butterflyfluff · 30/12/2022 19:06

The gifts may not be ‘that bad’, the point is that they’re completely generic and not suited to me at all.

And the chocolates and bath set you gave in return was not at all generic and completely original? 😂

GeorgeA12 · 30/12/2022 19:15

I'm diabetic and my family give me chocolate every year despite me saying....I've given up telling them.

Missingpop · 30/12/2022 19:30

Take all of the gifts rewrap them & give them back to them next year that way you’ve given the same amount of thought they’ve given you that’s what I did when I got given really shit crappy rubbish I swear was brought from a charity shop/car boot sale; I’ve never brought another adult gift since; everyone decided to concentrate on the children 😂😂😂

ThatshallotBaby · 30/12/2022 19:31

I’m with you @elephantsbreafh
I just buy my own presents now Grin

Conky1975 · 30/12/2022 19:49

My in laws do this. I don’t buy myself much during the year as I spend most of our hard earned money on kids/ mortgage/ bills.

At Christmas, my in laws and my mum go into my DH to ask about what I need.

I provide a very reasonably priced list as my mum and mil are pensioners (eg this year I included some Amazon brand leggings, a make up mirror, some bare minerals powder and other tiny things that I need but haven’t bought for myself) They can pick from the list but it ranges from £10 up to about £30. I don’t expect the full list.

from my MIL I got a cheap fake Burberry dress in the wrong size and from my SIL some gloves (identical to the ones I got last year).

My mum did get me my make up mirror and some other treats that were on my list.

In contrast my DH got vouchers to buy a top of the range coffee machine (barrista style, not Nespresso)

Last Christmas I got a similar ill fitting item of clothing that still had the sale tag on it and a scarf.

so I get it.

thefiddlerselbow · 30/12/2022 20:11

We've literally got a great re-gift stash here for next year. It's like they don't know me at all.
I've never regifted really before, only the odd duplicate kids birthday gift, but there are only so many candles and jigsaw puzzles I can handle.
Also just because I like a particular animal it doesn't mean that you should buy me just anything linked to that animal!

I know I sound very ungrateful and I'm grateful that they sent something, I'm grateful to spend time with these people but it's like they don't know me at all!

SingleMamaG4 · 30/12/2022 20:16

We do secret Santa in our family. The children aren’t included in this and get presents from all of us but the adults write what they want and then we all know where we stand 🤶

wentworthinmate · 30/12/2022 20:16

We did no presents this year. My mother just got me some chocs but not wrapped or anything. Otherwise, son and my partner were told not to buy and I did the same. Worked out fine for us.

Ohnotheydidnt · 30/12/2022 20:19

Ew. Peaches in brandy? Ewwwww! And I guess you can't even donate that to a food bank? Ewwww!

Mothership4two · 30/12/2022 20:26

We also do a family Secret Santa for the adults to stop this.

However I am pretty p*ed off this year as we have an agreed amount and the price sticker was left on and it was £17 under. But that's a whole new thread

Bluekerfuffle · 30/12/2022 20:31

Ohnotheydidnt · 30/12/2022 20:19

Ew. Peaches in brandy? Ewwwww! And I guess you can't even donate that to a food bank? Ewwww!

I’m picking up a subtle hint that peaches in brandy aren’t on your list of favourite things Grin

Hopeistaysane · 30/12/2022 20:53

Sounds like my family. Pretty sure sibling lets their partner pick my gift, partner has zero taste and it shows. Got an awful ugly Xmas gift that showed zero thought and they actually thought I would love it.

BaconChops · 30/12/2022 20:53

I’m with you. If there’s no thought then don’t bother. Few years ago I did the same thing with family members and now just buy the kids.

Doggate1 · 30/12/2022 21:40

I don’t understand buying presents for grown ups … a huge commercial gain for things people could buy themselves. So much tat and things people get but would never buy for themselves or even use..we take homemade things, wine, soft drinks, bulbs for the garden, plants etc. as a token gift .

BaublesandBangles · 30/12/2022 22:01

I like getting presents.