Not ungrateful but sh*t gifts from family

[elephantsbreafh]

i shouldn’t be complaining as I didn’t expect anything so should be grateful for what I got… however, I’d rather not get anything than get tat that I don’t like and won’t use.

pyjamas 2 sizes too small
a towel with tag and price still attached
a ‘designer’ purse from my sibling - not my taste at all, she even told me she wanted to keep it for herself and was probably hoping I’d say she could keep it (she has form for this)
a bottle of cheap hand soap
a novelty bath bomb (I don’t have a bath, and I’m fussy with skincare…)

I try to shop local and handmade where I can, and I’d rather get people something small but thoughtful and/or useful. I don’t go around buying mass produced tat for the sake of gifts, and my family know me well enough to know that. I just feel so disappointed that for years I’ve put so much effort into their gifts, and every year I’m left thinking wtf? I’d honestly have been happier with one small thing that actually had some thought put into it.

Would it seem really mean to enforce no gifts next year? Apart from for the kids?

Urgh I feel you OP, my MIL spends a small fortune on us all and they are always shit! This year I got a massive candle with my own picture on it (wtf?), a lush bath gift set (I don't like baths, she knows this), pink prosecco and a very dated perfume. I am always polite but I honestly wish she didn't bother. Between my siblings and our partners this year we did a secret santa and it worked so well! We all put items on our wishlist and we all got things we wanted/were actually useful.

Must say @bluebel I'm now googling candles with my face on. Vaguely worrying but I quite like the idea for the sheer wtf.

PJ’s it’s usually safe to go up a bit. Day clothes, especially trousers not so much.
But I take your point sizes can vary a lot from shop to shop. Best to err on the side of bigger with nightwear and keep the receipt.

Perhaps it’s time to say to this friend that you are tight for space in your home (great excuse whether true or not) and therefore can’t accept any more gifts but if she is still keen to get you something then a donation to the local food bank would be so nice because it’s a place you support (by donating her gifts but she doesn’t need to know that).
Weird that she keeps buying you children's toys though that’s bizarre.

She knows I hate junk and clutter....my dm was a hoarder....she knows all about that....she is very strong willed....might be seeing her in the next week so god knows what items await, never visits me so wont ever know that i get rid of the lot !...You only have to make a comment about a board game, seen on tv or some one playing it, and she goes off and buys me one...

Perhaps it’s time to be firm then and say. I appreciate that you enjoy buying things for me but honestly I don’t keep them because as you know I am more minimalist. I can’t accept anymore gifts from you but there are probably charities who will accept them from you. It would be nice if instead of presents we could meet up for coffee/lunch (only if you want to obviously).

If she can’t respect your choices to live the way you want to then she isn’t buying for you she’s doing it for herself which is her choice but then she needs to keep it in her own house.

Definitely not unreasonable to suggest kids only presents next year.
I am taking 3 gifts straight to the charity shop. Seems like such a waste.

Perhaps you all need to stop wanting the high ticket presents and be thankful people buy you presents.

It's a big one too, I don't burn candles much (toddler in the house) it's going to take me ages to get rid of it!

I could understand a picture of my children but why would I want my own face on a candle, odd!

Alcohol free gin from MIL. I asked her if you were supposed to mix it with actual gin, but no you just drink it like normal gin. But without the fun part.
PJs from my mum, they’re ok but not the type I like to wear, so I asked if she had the gift receipt to exchange them. She now keeps banging on about how I can only get a gift card and not actually cash. Which I’m fine with, they are from a shop I like. I think she’s a bit upset actually that I don’t like them, but it also seems a shame to wast £60 on something that will never get worn.
my husband bought me a calendar, knowing that I already have two, one wall one and a desk one. I’m not sure where he thought I was going to put it? Maybe next to the other wall one, so I can cross reference the dates? He was in panic buying mode at the time. I know this because he bought a load of stuff for the kids from the same shop. Like nearly £100 on plushies, made him take some of them back after I talked some sense into him. I’ve suggested that he makes a list next year instead of treating Christmas shopping like supermarket sweep. In fairness, he did also buy me some lovely thoughtful gifts also.
The dilemma’s of gift giving. I’m sure I bought gifts that people thought were shit too.

You e absolutely hot the nail on the head!! I totally think this. My mum gets mea little bag of gifts at Christmas and birthdays and always gives me a cheque too. I’m so embarrassed every time! I never know what to buy with the cheque as I just don’t want to buy anything so it just goes into the account and gets used for whatever. Petrol most likely!! I wish she’d stop.

It's hurtful if people don't put any thought into the gift or it's something you suspect has been regifted.
My MIL had a habit of giving me a box of out of date chocolates every year!
If somethings the wrong size I think its OK to ask if you can exchange it for the correct size.
Where possible I would normally include a gift receipt if I wasn't 100% sure of size or if recipient would like it.
But presents for adults can be lovely too.
There was a post in here this week from a single parent who didn't receive a single xmas gift as her family do children only gifts so I think gifts for adults can be very much appreciated and wanted.
Maybe suggest everyone does a list of gift ideas next year so you all get something you like- for example your sister may be more appreciative of a Radley purse than a local maker gift- everyone likes different things but I agree it's wasteful if gift isn't wanted or used but hopefully if you donate to a charity shop someone will want or need it and appreciate it.

I shouldn’t complain.. but here you are! I should be grateful …but .. here you are being ungrateful. Ffs ! Why don’t you just sit your family down and tell them what a thoughtless bunch of bastards they are and Christmas is now banned ?

Lots of opinions on here about the purpose of gift giving. All valid thoughts. IMO, a gift represents the esteem you have for the recipient. It shows how much you value them and their thoughts, feelings and interests. A gift should please and delight and has little to do with money.
Being given tasteless, nasty tat which you would never choose or use usually packaged in a big, wasteful gaudy box is insulting and shows EXACTLY what the gift giver thinks of you.
Yes, I have to suffer this every year from one particular relative. I try to avoid being given this shit by requesting - EVERY YEAR - a gift card (£10 max) from M&S. Nope. I still get £8-10 worth of utter crap.

I used to be the one who bought all the thoughtful presents and get the shitty baylis and harding in return. Have tried to enforce no adult presents to no avail.
This year I put zero effort in. Just picked up generic shit in Sainsbury whilst doing the food shop. Got the usual generic shit in return. Actually feel much better than when I put effort in. Might even regift all the baylis and harding to the givers next year.
I also made sure to spend a bit less and buy myself something nice.
I realise it's all a bit passive aggressive but well if you can't beat them, join them as the saying goes

If the dynamics of your family will allow it then try and get all the adults to do a secret Santa, so you can put more effort in, it’s less stressful and you can set a budget so you all get the same value and are more likely to get something good :)

We only buy for the children now. 3 of them so not too bad. The older 2, teenagers, get vouchers and the younger one, her mum suggests something she'd like.
A nice easy Christmas.

We do a gifts for under 18s and a secret Santa for adults. Far less stress than a load of unwanted presents.

Aaargh my DSIS does this 🙄 Over the years I’ve spent a small fortune on carefully chosen gifts for her and she always gives cheap, useless tat in return eg. crappy acrylic, polyester hats/gloves/scarves or simply something that she doesn’t want anymore (and nobody else would either). This year I spent £5.99 on her present and gifted her a polyester scarf from the charity shop (it did still have tags on).

From now on, my mission is to pay as little a possible for her preset - like for like. Time to declutter my book collection I think 😆

We do Secret Santa on hubby side and non-secret Santa on mine. People give a list of things they like. It makes it really easy, very few presents to buy and wrap and also everyone gets what they want but not too much.

@Katypp

you must have such low standards if you think receiving those shitty gifts makes a woman “spoilt”

According to lots on here Op you should just be grateful your kids even grace you with their presence. Never mind a decent gift

I feel for you, OP.

I hate receiving presents. I never like anything anyone buys for me - or it does not fit etc.

Love buying them, but then I am a very careful buyer!

My Mum once received a 'gift' of sorts..from a beloved neice ...it's was junk...my neice said 'it's the thought that counts' and Mum said 'well you don't think much of me'....not a greedy woman..but a little candle would've done...she was hurt.. I've received almost nothing from a close relative...but spent a lot on her and the kids..a bottle of wine would've done..just got fag ends from Primark toiletries..and minis at that..very inconsiderate..just tell myself that they don't mean to offend.

That's my issue. I feel depressed getting tat. It's the environmental issue and the feeling I have to dispose of it AND rack my brains for a 'thoughtful' present for someone with different interests and tastes to me.