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Original poster

Not ungrateful but sh*t gifts from family

202 replies

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 07:12

i shouldn’t be complaining as I didn’t expect anything so should be grateful for what I got… however, I’d rather not get anything than get tat that I don’t like and won’t use.

pyjamas 2 sizes too small
a towel with tag and price still attached
a ‘designer’ purse from my sibling - not my taste at all, she even told me she wanted to keep it for herself and was probably hoping I’d say she could keep it (she has form for this)
a bottle of cheap hand soap
a novelty bath bomb (I don’t have a bath, and I’m fussy with skincare…)

I try to shop local and handmade where I can, and I’d rather get people something small but thoughtful and/or useful. I don’t go around buying mass produced tat for the sake of gifts, and my family know me well enough to know that. I just feel so disappointed that for years I’ve put so much effort into their gifts, and every year I’m left thinking wtf? I’d honestly have been happier with one small thing that actually had some thought put into it.

Would it seem really mean to enforce no gifts next year? Apart from for the kids?

OP posts:
LillianGish · 29/12/2022 14:35

I think your post sums up the reality of a lot of Christmas gift giving once you are beyond the age of asking Santa (and then your parents) to get you exactly what you want. I remember being amused when my Dad (RIP) would give me a cashmere sweater or pair of slippers or whatever he had bought for himself and ask me to wrap them up. He always said they were his best presents because he had chosen them and they were exactly what he wanted. The older I get, the more I see his point. He and his sisters had long ceased exchanging presents on the basis that they all preferred to use their money to buy something for themselves. If you musts exchange gifts then have a small budget and just buy something funny or tasty or give a book token. The more you spend in the exchange, the greater your disappointment is likely to be.

Deathraystare · 29/12/2022 14:45

I had a few things I cannot use but am ok with that as one friend got 3 extra presents.

1, Ferrer Roche chocolates from a taxi company who always give us that at work. I absolutely loathe them so every year my friend gets a bonus!

2.A smelly candle. Smells lovely but in the flats I live in they are very strict on fire hazards. Some dopes did set fire to their flat by using candles.

3.A smaller candle.

My friend also loves candles so it was a win win for her!

But I do feel if people continuously get shite presents it may be time to stop giving and receiving.

Plus if people are struggling financially I feel the money could be better used though of course you will probably want to continue giving to kids.

Angeldelight81 · 29/12/2022 14:45

Honestly put your foot down and say no adult presents. I was so lucky this year. My dad gave me cash. It really is the most well received a gift.

Trez1510 · 29/12/2022 14:57

This was our first year of not gifting to adults. We have only adults and two small babies in our family. Babies were given gifts/cash so their parents could choose what they'd like/need for the wee ones.

I had an absolute ball treating myself to things I'm too mean to buy for myself. I even internally thanked those who'd 'gifted' me my self-bought treats .....

Anna, how did you know I craved cashmere socks in that colour? And three pairs, how kind!!

John, I didn't realise you knew the name of my signature scent, and such a large bottle!!

Kate ..... you bought me that airfryer I'd been looking at, you're a star!!

And so on and so forth. 😊

StarCourt · 29/12/2022 15:10

unfortunately OP its just so common. I dont drink and this year my best friend gifted me a bottle of prosecco and another good friend bought me a bottle of gin! It did make me feel a bit low as other than from 14 yr old DD these are the only gifts i got.

eatsleeppaddle · 29/12/2022 15:25

We all agreed this year not to buy for nieces and nephews as it had become silly, never bought for the adult siblings previously. The kids were fine about it. Christmas to us is about spending time with family, eating and drinking and playing games. Christmas is far too commercialised. In a cost of living crisis and a world where we buy too much stuff, it made sense to cut back on presents. Nobody cared or was upset and it saved a lot of stress too. Enjoyed our simpler Christmas.

jtaeapa · 29/12/2022 15:28

Just do no adult presents next year. Make sure you inform them by about July. And be firm. Stop the fucking around - much better - I’ve done it.

SpinningOutWaitinForYa · 29/12/2022 15:51

I find it so rude when people get bad gifts. i find it's typically for the person who has done all the shopping, cooking, planning, wrapping, hosting, etc and they just get forgotten about or underappreciated.

Mynewhome · 29/12/2022 15:57

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 14:07

When I said about local/handmade, I meant it more in the sense that that’s what I like and they know I don’t like ‘tat’. The gifts I purchased were well thought out for the recipients, not handmade tat 🤣

What did you actually buy them op?

Ellie56 · 29/12/2022 16:26

MagpiePi · 29/12/2022 10:49

Why don’t you say what you want? I have never understood why we are all supposed to be psychic when it comes to buying people gifts, hence all the generic candle / bath sets / socks type things that get passed around.

Say no adult gifts and then buy yourself what you want and label it from Santa or the cat or something.

I have a friend who buys her own presents for her husband and kids to give to her. Sometimes she even shows them what they’ve got her before she wraps them. 😁

"I have a friend who buys her own presents for her husband and kids to give to her. Sometimes she even shows them what they’ve got her before she wraps them."

Love it! Xmas Grin Xmas Grin

twoandcooplease · 29/12/2022 16:35

Or DH’s favourite jumper has worn out and the shops don’t sell it anymore so I search until I find one remaining

I do this too Oher.

longestlurkerever · 29/12/2022 16:45

What's wrong with a towel? I'd like that. The sort of thing you never buy as you don't need it but is a treat to have a new fluffy one. And pjs always a winner here - just change them for a bigger side. Designer purse hardly a shit gift either even if they did misjudge. Yanbu to suggest no adult gifts but yabu to call these gifts thoughtless tat.

Original poster
elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 17:17

Mynewhome · 29/12/2022 15:57

What did you actually buy them op?

Show quote history

Decent quality wellies, chocolates from a local chocolatier, and a bath set. I didn’t spend a huge amount, but made sure that the gifts were suited to the person and would be well received - which they were.

I just feel like I’m bought things for the sake of it, to make sure I have something to open and I’d honestly rather not have anything than have useless stuff. I’ll be making a point next year of saying no adult gifts as it just seems pointless.

OP posts:
Original poster
elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 17:21

longestlurkerever · 29/12/2022 16:45

What's wrong with a towel? I'd like that. The sort of thing you never buy as you don't need it but is a treat to have a new fluffy one. And pjs always a winner here - just change them for a bigger side. Designer purse hardly a shit gift either even if they did misjudge. Yanbu to suggest no adult gifts but yabu to call these gifts thoughtless tat.

I didn’t want to be mega specific in case it’s outing, but it’s not a nice fluffy towel. It was a £3 hair wrap thing - I’ll try and use it, it’s not totally useless. The ‘designer’ purse was a loose term really, and I was only annoyed because it was quite clearly given to me on the assumption I’d say I didn’t like it and the recipient would then get to keep it - as she told me! It’s just the thoughtlessness of it all. Totally aware I’m lucky to receive anything, and I don’t think there were any bad intentions but it just makes me wonder why we bother exchanging gifts as adults. Will stick to kids only next year.

OP posts:
Shinygreenbeetle · 29/12/2022 17:41

I’ve decided to go ‘no gifts’ for adults next year, too.
Once again, I made an effort to buy thoughtful things for my siblings, etc and once again I had a very miserly gift from my sister and BIL, and nothing at all from brother and SIL - who couldn’t even summon a ‘thank you’ for theirs. Just rude. I don’t give to receive, but manners cost nothing…

earsup · 29/12/2022 17:57

Just dont do it anymore....I don't.....I only buy 2 gifts for my 2 lovely lodgers but do ask what they might like.....However I have yet to see my bored rich friend who is childish and spends hundreds on a mountain of unsuitable items for me...i alway get her fresh flowers....last year I received:

remote control frogs
remote control squirrels
4 childrens board games
table tennis kit
table football kit
yellow quacking ducks
yoga book with silly cartoons

I took the lot to local food bank to give away....so depressing !

Schnooze · 29/12/2022 18:34

Perhaps they aren’t particularly enamoured with your choice of gifts as their tastes differ so much from yours.
Time to ditch the swapping of presents.

Butterflyfluff · 29/12/2022 19:15

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 17:17

Decent quality wellies, chocolates from a local chocolatier, and a bath set. I didn’t spend a huge amount, but made sure that the gifts were suited to the person and would be well received - which they were.

I just feel like I’m bought things for the sake of it, to make sure I have something to open and I’d honestly rather not have anything than have useless stuff. I’ll be making a point next year of saying no adult gifts as it just seems pointless.

Show quote history

Wellies are a really odd present unless specifically asked for

If you need them you would already have them

And chocolates and a bath set don’t strike me as thoughtful at all - they are literally the backstop generic gift

icanwearwhatiwant · 29/12/2022 19:18

Decent quality wellies, chocolates from a local chocolatier, and a bath set. I didn’t spend a huge amount, but made sure that the gifts were suited to the person and would be well received - which they were.

AIBU? My sister is terrible at buying gifts. This year I got a pair of wellies?? (I already have a pair) a tiny box of chocolates and a cheap home made bath set.
I always smile and look really pleased but we have such different tastes.
I bought her some lovely quality pyjamas from a shop she likes and a gorgeous designer purse. I put loads of thought in, why can't she do the same?

Can you see it op? You think your gifts were nicest and probably so do they. This is just a miss match of tastes.

Original poster
elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 19:34

The presents I got them seriously aren’t the issue… 🤣

Thanks for all of the insight though, glad to know I’m not the only one feeling a bit meh about gifts!

OP posts:
Original poster
elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 19:38

icanwearwhatiwant · 29/12/2022 19:18

Decent quality wellies, chocolates from a local chocolatier, and a bath set. I didn’t spend a huge amount, but made sure that the gifts were suited to the person and would be well received - which they were.

AIBU? My sister is terrible at buying gifts. This year I got a pair of wellies?? (I already have a pair) a tiny box of chocolates and a cheap home made bath set.
I always smile and look really pleased but we have such different tastes.
I bought her some lovely quality pyjamas from a shop she likes and a gorgeous designer purse. I put loads of thought in, why can't she do the same?

Can you see it op? You think your gifts were nicest and probably so do they. This is just a miss match of tastes.

This is totally inaccurate. 🤣 I get what you’re trying to do, but it’s wiiiildly off.

OP posts:
Original poster
elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 19:39

Also, I didn’t post on AIBU. Just wanted to have a moan and get this off my chest really as it’s been a generally rubbish Christmas and I’m feeling pretty deflated by it all

OP posts:
Butterflyfluff · 29/12/2022 19:49

elephantsbreafh · 29/12/2022 19:34

The presents I got them seriously aren’t the issue… 🤣

Thanks for all of the insight though, glad to know I’m not the only one feeling a bit meh about gifts!

OP, I’m sorry you’ve had a crap Christmas but you are totally missing the point that the issue here is your family buy the gifts they’d like to receive - not the gifts your recipients actually want

The gifts you gave them are no better than you received - you just can’t see that

You think your gifts were thoughtful but, on the face of it they really aren’t anymore thoughtful than those you received

The only option is to stop the reciprocal giving / receiving of stuff you don’t want or need

Then you won’t need to start a thread saying the gifts from your family were shit

Katypp · 29/12/2022 20:01

Chocolates and a bath set 🤣🤣🤣 There was a whole thread yesterday complaining about being given chocolates and bath sets 🤣🤣
I think pps are right OP, it's just a mismatch of taste. But I am glad you came back and told us what you actually bought as so many are strangely coy about revealing what the gifts that they apparently have put so much time into choosing actually are.
FWIW, I love chocolates and bath/shower goodies and am always pleased to receive them. The wellies are a completely random gift and I shall watch out for you sister on threads like this one.

Greatly · 29/12/2022 20:06

Fucking hell. The amount of posts on here about people thinking they give the world's best gifts and everyone else gives "tat". You can dress it up however you like, but it's spoilt, grabby behaviour.