Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Christmas cards: Effing hilarious

185 replies

Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 21:58

I got married this year after 30 years with my partner. It was a pragmatic decision, made for various reasons and something I ever thought I would do BUT just to be clear, it was a happy occasion. This Christmas every fucking card has been addressed to Mr & Mrs husband’s first name and surname. I didn’t actually change my surname and as far as I’m aware I haven’t changed my first name either. Everybody obviously thinks they are being hilarious but it’s really pissing me off!

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 20/12/2022 22:03

Tough

Original poster
Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 22:05

JaneJeffer · 20/12/2022 22:03

Tough

Tough? It’s not actually my name

OP posts:
PumpkinSly · 20/12/2022 22:06

I don't know why people still insist on subscribing to this outdated sexist bollocks. YNBU, it's ridiculous.

carefulcalculator · 20/12/2022 22:06

YANBU, it is annoying.

parietal · 20/12/2022 22:08

get address labels or a stamp made up with your correct names & address
e.g.
Mr Jones & Ms Smith
12 Holly Lane
LovelyTown
postcode

stamp every card / letter / envelope you send with the correct version until people get the message.

PinewoodScent · 20/12/2022 22:09

That’s the traditional way to address a joint letter or card. Are they from older people?
I personally like it but I am late 40s so probably considered older!

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 20/12/2022 22:11

I don't think they think they're being hilarious...they're addressing cards according to traditional conventions.

fallfallfall · 20/12/2022 22:19

👆
@TangledWebofMincemeatDeception well said

Original poster
Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 22:19

Yes @PumpkinSly and @carefulcalculator it is ridiculous and annoying. That’s not a bad idea @parietal but I also don’t see why I should have to remind people that I haven’t changed either of my names when they already know! @PinewoodScent we are both older than you, as are most of my friends and family. Our adult kids are horrified. My husband thinks I’m making a fuss about nothing so I suggested that we ask people to send cards to mr and mrs my firstname ancientbride next year! He said he wouldn’t like that!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 22:22

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 20/12/2022 22:11

I don't think they think they're being hilarious...they're addressing cards according to traditional conventions.

No they think they are being hilarious as they know I haven’t changed my name. It may be the formal way to address letters but it’s not something I would ever do, neither would most of my friends usually, and it’s outdated and extremely sexist.

OP posts:
Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 20/12/2022 22:22

Surely it's just on the envelope and not in the actual cards themselves? Life is far too short to be annoyed by something that just goes in the recycling

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 20/12/2022 22:26

I agree with you. Of course, the default position is that women change their surname on marriage, although it's more usual these days that they don't, so it would be polite for your friends to ask rather than assume. The suggestion by the pp to have labels made up is a good idea. I always address cards to Mr &Mrs Smith, rather than using the DH's initial.

I have a lovely friend who makes me a birthday card each year. She used to address it to Mrs John Smith. This annoyed me every year, until I explained how it made me feel "erased" to have seemingly given up my first name as well as my surname (I kept my maiden name on marriage but took his name when we had dch). Friend understood, and said she thought it was "correct". She has listened to me, and understands.

Notellinganyone · 20/12/2022 22:31

PinewoodScent · 20/12/2022 22:09

That’s the traditional way to address a joint letter or card. Are they from older people?
I personally like it but I am late 40s so probably considered older!

I’m 56 and have never changed my name. I find this very rude. My in laws have done it for years and then last year I had a strategic rant on FB which finally stopped it. It’s the 21st century ffs.

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 20/12/2022 22:32

Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 22:22

No they think they are being hilarious as they know I haven’t changed my name. It may be the formal way to address letters but it’s not something I would ever do, neither would most of my friends usually, and it’s outdated and extremely sexist.

Show quote history

Then you need to get yourself newer, better acquaintences, I guess. Or give his/your family/friends/whoever it is a wide berth. How odd.

Notellinganyone · 20/12/2022 22:34

OP - don’t listen to the traditional/ conventional brigade - it’s such nonsense. I don’t mind if it’s a genuine mistake but when people do it when they know full well I haven’t changed my name it really pisses me off - one year I caught my DH binning the envelope from the anniversary card his parents had sent be a he knew I’d go nuts.

AssumingDirectControl · 20/12/2022 22:37

PinewoodScent · 20/12/2022 22:09

That’s the traditional way to address a joint letter or card. Are they from older people?
I personally like it but I am late 40s so probably considered older!

I am late 40s and it would really fuck me off.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 20/12/2022 22:39

Return to Sender. Not known at this address

dementedpixie · 20/12/2022 22:41

I'd be annoyed about it too if I hadn't changed my surname. I would never use Mr and Mrs husband name, Surname either if they were married.

NotTerfNorCis · 20/12/2022 22:41

It doesn't sit easy with me. It obliterates the female partner's identity.

Kbr22 · 20/12/2022 22:43

It seems like you haven't made it clear to all your friends know what your new Marriage name is. What is the problem, just let them all know.

frostyfours · 20/12/2022 22:43

I absolutely hate this, the only people who do it are my DH's older family members. Winds me up a lot! I didn't take his name.

2winterkids · 20/12/2022 22:52

My in laws all do this. I did take my husband's surname (purely because I like it and it actually goes better with my first name than my maiden name did) but all cards from his side of the family are addressed to Mr and Mrs husband's initial and surname. So I'm just Mrs. I hate it.

MrsFionaCharming · 20/12/2022 22:55

My best friends family and in-laws do this to her. I send one addressed to ‘Mrs and Mr HerInitial Last name’ to balance it out. May not be ‘traditional’ but it’s just as correct.

Dacadactyl · 20/12/2022 22:56

Justhereforthechristmasthreads · 20/12/2022 22:22

Surely it's just on the envelope and not in the actual cards themselves? Life is far too short to be annoyed by something that just goes in the recycling

This

MysteryBelle · 20/12/2022 23:09

Is this what you spend your time on? 🙄

If you’re so bold and your own person, why don’t you have the guts to say to these people, stop putting Mrs., it enrages me. Are you expecting the man to do it for you? Why are you even complaining to him?

How immature this tantrum of yours. It sounds like all these people are doing it on purpose because you’re so precious about it. Why else would they do it after you told them you weren’t changing your name? By the way, nobody cares that you’re keeping your father’s name and the patriarchal line going 😂