Christmas cards: Effing hilarious

[Ancientbride]

I got married this year after 30 years with my partner. It was a pragmatic decision, made for various reasons and something I ever thought I would do BUT just to be clear, it was a happy occasion. This Christmas every fucking card has been addressed to Mr & Mrs husband’s first name and surname. I didn’t actually change my surname and as far as I’m aware I haven’t changed my first name either. Everybody obviously thinks they are being hilarious but it’s really pissing me off!

YANBU! It even gives me the rage that children are expected to have their father's surname. Not in my bloody house they don't!

Sometimes when people say "I only know one person ever who kept their name on marriage" I think "really?!"

It might just be different cultural microcosms but I do wonder whether ALL of the women they are assuming/addressing as Mrs Hisname have actually changed their name? Or whether, as we are constantly told here "It's not a big deal, just let it go" and there are other women who have kept their name but don't think it's worth challenging (understandably) and are therefore flying under the radar.
I know several (professional, young) women who are legally still "maiden-name" but don't bother correcting any form of address because they don't mind particularly much

I make a point of clarifying my surname if a mistake is made. I am not remotely offended at all but I like to think I'm doing my bit for visibility!
I do quite like being the "Hisname-Mynames "or the "Hisname-Myname family" on informal correspondence because we are indeed a unit but I want my name on there too!

One thing that irrationally irritates me is my (really extremely lovely) PIL don't seem to "get" that my name hasn't changed. They do make an effort to use the right name/correct eachother when they get it wrong, but it's clear that they think I am "continuing to use my maiden name" as a stylistic choice and that they believe I AM Mrs Hisname, by virtue of marriage, however I choose to call myself.

Update: it was my birthday recently and my Mother sent a card to my normal pre marriage name c/o my husband’s full name!!! We have lived here 20 odd years and it’s obviously my house too- she’s never previously felt the need to send me anything care of mr Ancientbride. So annoying!!!!

It's the "correct " way to address.
It's old fashioned but then I guess so is Mr and Mrs

It’s not correct surely to address a card to someone care of their husband?

I hate this too. Get it all the time fr DH’s side. It’s not ‘correct’ in 2023. Our kids school actually addressed a letter to both of us as Mr and Mrs his name surname. When I queried it they initially said they didn’t know my first name. Ahh ok. Then said it was default in their system. Then they were able to fix it. Ridiculous!

The people who do it are lunatics who think that a woman's highest accomplishment in life is when they marry.

@ramonaquimby the loss of your first name is particularly galling.

@ponyinmud yes! My mother definitely dies think that

It's definitely not correct to address a card or letter this way. If you've brought it up with her about cards being addressed to you by your husband's name, and she's done this, then it's intentional. It's quite an escalation to address it to you c/o your husband, as though you are his property. I wouldn't appreciate this at all, especially if I've told someone how much I dislike it.

It’s definitely on purpose @PumpkinSly and I think it’s probably what @Artemi describes, a stylistic choice (of mine) and simply incorrect (in her view). ‘Care of’ is just bizarre. She is a bit bizarre though and very old. Completely fit and fully mentally competent, just very elderly.