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Christmas cards: Effing hilarious

185 replies

Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 21:58

I got married this year after 30 years with my partner. It was a pragmatic decision, made for various reasons and something I ever thought I would do BUT just to be clear, it was a happy occasion. This Christmas every fucking card has been addressed to Mr & Mrs husband’s first name and surname. I didn’t actually change my surname and as far as I’m aware I haven’t changed my first name either. Everybody obviously thinks they are being hilarious but it’s really pissing me off!

OP posts:
Brefugee · 21/12/2022 10:17

Just be glad your not Princess Michael

she got to choose what her "official name/title" would be, IIRC. And she chose that one to get a Princess title. She could have been called Firstname, Duchess of Kent (or whatever it is she's married into)

As for all the <whispers>"i love it" - why are you whispering? Surely feminism says that we can all decide how we prefer to be addressed? If you want to be subsumed into Mrs His-Initian His-Surname, that's up to you and i won't argue with you about it. If you don't but prefer Mrs Your-Initial + His-Initial His-surname (as my 80+ year old mum insisted on right from when she first married in the late 50s) then more power to you. (and kudos to my dad who argued with the bank about this when they didn't want to)

And for everyone who wants a different form of address, not limited to, their academic title + professional name - good for you. Stick to your guns.

OP knows her friends, she knows they are doing it to get a rise. To get a rise back i'd send them all back as "not known at this address". It's a PA answer to their PA addresses.

For anyone who thinks it's a waste of time to be bugged about this, it is a miniscule portion of my time. I have variously, today, been on to the village council about horse shit in the road, been on to the town council about the way their vans were parked so a neighbour couldn't get past in their wheelchair. Other things bother me too, to a greater or lesser degree. But that is the wonder of an internet forum, we can talk about all sorts of stuff.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/12/2022 10:19

The venom of some posters on this thread is curious. Why on earth does someone being pissed off by this oldfashioned sexism seem to irk them so much?

BanjoVio · 21/12/2022 10:20

Brefugee · 21/12/2022 10:17

Just be glad your not Princess Michael

she got to choose what her "official name/title" would be, IIRC. And she chose that one to get a Princess title. She could have been called Firstname, Duchess of Kent (or whatever it is she's married into)

As for all the <whispers>"i love it" - why are you whispering? Surely feminism says that we can all decide how we prefer to be addressed? If you want to be subsumed into Mrs His-Initian His-Surname, that's up to you and i won't argue with you about it. If you don't but prefer Mrs Your-Initial + His-Initial His-surname (as my 80+ year old mum insisted on right from when she first married in the late 50s) then more power to you. (and kudos to my dad who argued with the bank about this when they didn't want to)

And for everyone who wants a different form of address, not limited to, their academic title + professional name - good for you. Stick to your guns.

OP knows her friends, she knows they are doing it to get a rise. To get a rise back i'd send them all back as "not known at this address". It's a PA answer to their PA addresses.

For anyone who thinks it's a waste of time to be bugged about this, it is a miniscule portion of my time. I have variously, today, been on to the village council about horse shit in the road, been on to the town council about the way their vans were parked so a neighbour couldn't get past in their wheelchair. Other things bother me too, to a greater or lesser degree. But that is the wonder of an internet forum, we can talk about all sorts of stuff.

Yes it’s almost as if we can care about more than one thing at once 🤣

Brefugee · 21/12/2022 10:22

Frankly with all the Christmas preparations we must be doing right now, it's a wonder we can find the time Grin

which reminds me, must get the gust room ready for the InLaws' visit. Couldn't possible ask DH to do that.

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 10:55

YANBU.

Women have the right to decide whether to change their names or not on marriage, and everyone should respect their decision.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 21/12/2022 10:55

@PinewoodScent , I’m a lot older than you, and it’s a very long time since I’ve addressed any couple like that.

I usually write Sue and Jim Green, etc. or just Sue and Jim, if they have different surnames.

My DM liked being addressed as Mrs Peter James, but she was born in 1918 and very traditionally minded.

WindUpPenguin · 21/12/2022 11:47

My name is Mrs Myname Mylastname Hislastname. Both parts are my surname (not hypenated but Mylastname is not a middle name). I don't mind Mr and Mrs Hislastname, but I hate Mr and Mrs Hisinitial/Hisname Hislastname. I also don't like it when I am Mrs Hislastname as it's only half of my surname!

JennyForeigner · 21/12/2022 11:54

Oh man this pisses me off. My husband's family do it every year. For nearly a decade.

They know I haven't changed my name, they just don't respect my choice.

JennyForeigner · 21/12/2022 11:56

ememem84 · 21/12/2022 01:20

Ah crap. Only posted a bit.

sil isn’t changing her name. Fil and his partner have addressed a card to mr and mrs bil.

they’ve said they won’t consider sil part of the family if she doesn’t change her name.

This sounds like a win for your SIL.

JennyForeigner · 21/12/2022 11:58

luckylavender · 21/12/2022 08:40

I cannot get worked up about this. Of all the things going on in the world, if this is all you have to worry about then count your blessings. And I consider myself a feminist.

I bet people said this about women being able to open their own bank accounts.

luckylavender · 21/12/2022 12:04

@JennyForeigner 🙄

Brefugee · 21/12/2022 12:05

My DM liked being addressed as Mrs Peter James, but she was born in 1918 and very traditionally minded.

I also think this is fine. My Grandma was born in 1921. She insisted that she was Mrs her initials (both of them, that was somehow important to her) His-surname.

What i don't think is fine is if you ask someone not to do it and they persist. They are ignoring your wishes. And it is perfectly acceptable, in my book, to then write them letters/ cards addressed to them in whatever rude manner you find acceptable.

sunglassesonthetable · 21/12/2022 12:16

It's your life and your name and it is clearly important to you. And that's your prerogative.

I feel I have so many names - my work name, my married name, my name for school as the kids mother. It's all quite fluid. I just couldn't get that worked up about it.

If your friends were making a point or a joke - not funny and they should know you better. If they just did it because of habit or tradition well, personally for me 🤷‍♀️ meh.

fenellavonspurtz · 21/12/2022 12:17

ErrolTheDragon · 21/12/2022 10:19

The venom of some posters on this thread is curious. Why on earth does someone being pissed off by this oldfashioned sexism seem to irk them so much?

It's not the content but the way OP is construing it as people having a laugh at her expense. It's stupid.

sunglassesonthetable · 21/12/2022 12:20

Tbh I don't send Christmas cards and barely know anyone that does. That's the most curious part of all this for me.

Thisisashitshow · 21/12/2022 12:22

Fuss about nothing.

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 12:22

fenellavonspurtz · 21/12/2022 12:17

It's not the content but the way OP is construing it as people having a laugh at her expense. It's stupid.

But perhaps she’s more aware of her friends’ motives for addressing the cards this way than, say, you. What with it being her name, her friends, her Christmas cards.

MyRiverThee · 21/12/2022 12:30

If they think they’re being funny, surely they’re taking the piss out of the old fashioned way of doing it and no actual harm meant? If it’s not b puss taking and people are doing this in a serious way, if just feel sorry for them not realising that it’s a load of old shite.

Either way, Xmas cards go straight in the recycling here. 😅

zingally · 21/12/2022 12:35

It's the traditional way to address a joint card or letter.

ErrolTheDragon · 21/12/2022 12:41

zingally · 21/12/2022 12:35

It's the traditional way to address a joint card or letter.

In this case, inaccurate and anachronistic.

Etiquette should first and foremost be about good manners. Addressing someone in a way which you know they don't like is extremely poor manners.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/12/2022 12:42

Yet another reason I won't marry!

DuchessOfSausage · 21/12/2022 12:48

@MysteryBelle , I have a friend who does this, and refers to Dr Jane Hersurname as Mrs John Hissurname. It's not funny. Jane worked hard for her PhD and hasn't changed her surname on marriage.
The friend who does it does it because she believes that her traditional values are more important than her friend's achievements and feelings.

OP didn't seem to be having a tantrum.

Notanotherone6 · 21/12/2022 12:51

FFS, why don't you try being offended by something that actually matters instead?

OddsocksinmyDocs · 21/12/2022 13:10

You should be glad you even get cards. Many people are spending Christmas alone this year.

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 13:11

Notanotherone6 · 21/12/2022 12:51

FFS, why don't you try being offended by something that actually matters instead?

Don’t women’s names matter? Shall we just all call each other Ofhusband instead?

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