Christmas cards: Effing hilarious

[Ancientbride]

I got married this year after 30 years with my partner. It was a pragmatic decision, made for various reasons and something I ever thought I would do BUT just to be clear, it was a happy occasion. This Christmas every fucking card has been addressed to Mr & Mrs husband’s first name and surname. I didn’t actually change my surname and as far as I’m aware I haven’t changed my first name either. Everybody obviously thinks they are being hilarious but it’s really pissing me off!

OP, please ignore drivel like this. I kept my name and being addressed as you describe really fucks me off, too. And do people not see how sexist it is to describe my surname as my ‘father’s name’? At what point in his life did he take ownership over his surname, but I did not? My name is mine and everything I have ever achieved, I’ve achieved under my own name. I have messaged people who have it wrong this Christmas to thank them for the lovely card and remind them politely of what my name still is. I have also made name/address stickers for the cards we send.

I usually write 'The Lattes' on the envelope, but only when I know they have they same surname.

Well that’s a bit mean. Saying that women change their names because they’re proud of being his wife. The implication being that women who don’t change their names are not proud of their husband?

Nobody is more proud of their husband than me, but I chose not to take his name. For the simple reason that I don’t like it, it doesn’t go with my (different ethnicity) first name, and I absolutely hate his mother and sister so I don’t want to share their name.

I do however use his name for work though, as a pseudonym for privacy reasons. So nobody can google me, find me on social media, or connect my work identity with my real identity. Still nothing to do with pride though!

Nah...this is where so much of women’s discourse amongst ourselves goes wrong - just because @HotToddyColdSauvignon says she took her husband’s name because she is proud to be his wife, doesn’t mean that she’s saying the inverse is true for anyone else who didn’t. She’s talking about how she feels and why she did it. It is not a judgement of anyone else actions, motives or values.

Anyway now I actually am going back to Playmobil Advent and Festive Fridges! Better for my blood pressure...

Yes, all those <whispering> <I love it!> on this thread, like they’re some sort of naughty, rebellious deviant - when they’re just as traditional and inside-the-box as they can possibly be…. 🥱

My partner and I have been together over 20 years, not married and if we were I wouldn’t change my name. Members of his family still address cards to us as Mr and Mrs his initial his surname!!

Oh DOOO get off your high horse! It probably just rolls off the tongue or they got the kids to write the cards. No malice or intent meant!
Too many people in this day and age are always ready to take offence at anything.
Just be grateful you have the time to take umbrage and aren't on the breadline, struggling and working all hours God sends!

Oh DOOO get off your high horse!

People simply wanting to be called by their own name really, really riles some women.

Why? It’s fascinating to watch.

It’s funny how in all these scenarios, the husband’s name rolls off the tongue but the wife’s doesn’t. An astonishing coincidence across the board.

PS people on the breadline can also care about being addressed by their own name.

My friend was brilliant when people did this.

Her and DH engaged. Postponed first marriage as she fell pregnant.

Next because he broke his back.

Then decided to wait until their children could be part of and remember the wedding.

The DCs were double barrelled and both kept their names as esker as she had professional job.

Suddenly people started with the Mr and Mrs DH DH - surname.

The next year she addressed all cards to "parents of ...." or "daughter and SIL of"

Nobody said anything but next year most cards were addressed the same way they had for the previous 12 except hers said Mrs instead of Miss

Thanks for all the comments! Just to clarify a few things, everybody knew I wasn’t going to change my name. I’m not hung up on my current surname as for complicated reasons, that I don’t want to go into here, it’s not the name I was born with and not my father’s name. But it is the name I’ve had for a long time and the name I’m known by professionally as well as personally. I would have changed my name if I’d liked my husband’s better but I don’t so it wasn’t worth the hassle and sacrifice at this stage of my life.
We are old and there are very few ‘older’ generation around. I can forgive the older ones but these cards are all from my contemporaries who knew I hadn’t changed my name as it was a big topic of conversation. I’m more upset about the first name thing as I feel totally erased as previous posters have also mentioned. I think it’s just nonsense that this is still a convention although I also think that most people haven’t addressed their cards in this way to be conventional but more to have a bit of a laugh at my expense.

Are you this tiresome IRL?

Why would his name roll off the tongue and not mine? Why would kids automatically do this? Seems unlikely. And you know nothing about my personal and financial position as if that is even relevant.

"I also think that most people haven’t addressed their cards in this way to be conventional but more to have a bit of a laugh at my expense." Life must be exhausting as a perpetual victim.

Are you as tediously irrelevant?

I changed my surname by deedpoll years back just because I didn't like how people always misspelled my non-English one. Relatives still address my cards as Miss [Old Surname]. I'm not bothered by it because it doesn't actually matter that much.

Oh no the harridan has arrived.

Great response @ErrolTheDragon

Tough? It’s not actually my name

congrats on your marriage. I don't acknowledge cards to Mr & Mrs his initial his surname and i don't send them out like that either.

I get birthday cards from SILs addressed to Mrs His initial His surname and in the past i have sent them back as "not know at this address" (they don't like me and do it to be PA, so i PA right back at them). They still send them for some reason and it's been 40 years now. It only costs them money, so i literally don't care.

So you can either: tell them or ignore it. Whatever floats your boat, really. But if you're the one who sends cards, you can drop them from your list

We get a card every year from a friend who also seems to think that my personal identity has been completely subsumed by that of my husband. No, my first name is not James (not the real name, obvs). It really pisses me off!

My children's school did it one time with a letter that was sent home (school report or the like) and I emailed them to advise that my name was not 'James' and so they should stop this archaic practice. Never heard back but it never happened again.

I would do this in your position. Would find this annoying too. I don’t think I have that many fuckwit friends who would wind me up like this though, but….

How progressive of you.

Poor man is all I can say. Presumably you are busy ripping up incorrectly-address envelopes and screaming so I'll let you get back to it.