Page 6 | Christmas cards: Effing hilarious

Ancientbride · 2022-12-20T21:58:20+00:00

I got married this year after 30 years with my partner. It was a pragmatic decision, made for various reasons and something I ever thought I would do BUT just to be clear, it was a happy occasion. This Christmas every fucking card has been addressed to Mr & Mrs husband’s first name and surname. I didn’t actually change my surname and as far as I’m aware I haven’t changed my first name either. Everybody obviously thinks they are being hilarious but it’s really pissing me off!

PortiasBiscuit · 21/12/2022 13:13

Love these traditional annual MN posts.. Merry Christmas everyone!

ErrolTheDragon · 21/12/2022 13:20

Notanotherone6 · 21/12/2022 12:51

FFS, why don't you try being offended by something that actually matters instead?

Some of us are capable of thinking about more than one thing at once. Being concerned about things that matter more doesn't mean you can't be irritated by more minor ones.

sunglassesonthetable · 21/12/2022 13:23

Cards from friends.

You're angry with your friends.

🤷‍♀️

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 13:24

sunglassesonthetable · 21/12/2022 13:23

Cards from friends.

You're angry with your friends.

🤷‍♀️

Friends who have decided to unilaterally rename her.

sunglassesonthetable · 21/12/2022 13:29

yep they don't seem to know her.

frampan6 · 21/12/2022 13:34

I thought this naming practice using the man's first name was obsolete. Shocked some people still use it tbh

fenellavonspurtz · 21/12/2022 13:46

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 12:22

But perhaps she’s more aware of her friends’ motives for addressing the cards this way than, say, you. What with it being her name, her friends, her Christmas cards.

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In that case op is BU for keeping them as friends!

EscapeTheCastle · 21/12/2022 14:12

This sort of thing really doesn't bother me because I know the world doesn't actually revolve around me.

What do you do when someone misspells your name? Do flames come out of your head while you scream "they don't know the real me!!!!" ???

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 14:20

EscapeTheCastle · 21/12/2022 14:12

This sort of thing really doesn't bother me because I know the world doesn't actually revolve around me.

What do you do when someone misspells your name? Do flames come out of your head while you scream "they don't know the real me!!!!" ???

No, it revolves around men.

babyjellyfish · 21/12/2022 14:31

EscapeTheCastle · 21/12/2022 14:12

This sort of thing really doesn't bother me because I know the world doesn't actually revolve around me.

What do you do when someone misspells your name? Do flames come out of your head while you scream "they don't know the real me!!!!" ???

Wanting people who know you to use your actual name instead of what they have decided your name should be = believing the world revolves around you?

What the actual hell...?

ErrolTheDragon · 21/12/2022 14:45

Ah, more of the usual hyperbolic responses. From people who aren't bothered.

Original poster

Ancientbride · 21/12/2022 15:07

Why would I think the world revolves around me? Because I actually want to be known by my name? Yes why not ofhusbands name and dispense with mine entirely. My friends know I have avoided marriage for many years. Each think they are being funny and probably don’t realise that everyone else thinks they are funny too.

OP posts:

MsRosley · 21/12/2022 15:29

Feeling your pain, OP. Married twice, never changed my name, still getting this shit after a couple of decades.

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 21/12/2022 16:38

This was really the wrong place to ask about this, OP.

It flushes out the handmaiden and they get very, very angry when you question things like this. Viciously angry. It’s quite fascinating.

I took DH’s surname some time after marriage, but I defend to the death any woman’s right to keep her own name. Most of my friends (40s) have. There is definitely a correlation between level of education and keeping your own name. It’s not an exact science before the snowflakes start screaming; I’m post-grad educated and didn’t - but there is definitely a correlation.

DD is 12 and we are already having conversations about this sort of thing, and I’m encouraging her to question and to think about keeping her own name.

Well done on triggering so many people.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 21/12/2022 17:02

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 21/12/2022 16:38

This was really the wrong place to ask about this, OP.

It flushes out the handmaiden and they get very, very angry when you question things like this. Viciously angry. It’s quite fascinating.

I took DH’s surname some time after marriage, but I defend to the death any woman’s right to keep her own name. Most of my friends (40s) have. There is definitely a correlation between level of education and keeping your own name. It’s not an exact science before the snowflakes start screaming; I’m post-grad educated and didn’t - but there is definitely a correlation.

DD is 12 and we are already having conversations about this sort of thing, and I’m encouraging her to question and to think about keeping her own name.

Well done on triggering so many people.

I think you're definitely right about the correlation.

When my dc were young, we had a choice of 2 school. The one we chose was a gaelscoil (Irish language school) and most parents were professionals with high levels of education. Most mothers had retained their names. The other school was much more mixed in background and, based on comments from friends, it was much more common for women to change their name.

My dd said to me once when she was about 8 or 9 that it was an amazing coincidence that grandparents on both sides married someone with the same surname. Most of her friends had parents with different surnames so it didn't dawn on her that anyone would change their name on marriage.

ancientgran · 21/12/2022 17:06

Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 22:22

No they think they are being hilarious as they know I haven’t changed my name. It may be the formal way to address letters but it’s not something I would ever do, neither would most of my friends usually, and it’s outdated and extremely sexist.

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Maybe they are thrilled that their friends have finally got married and it made them smile to write it?

For several years after I got married my side of the family all decided my husband's name was something different to what it was, we got cards to Mr and Mrs Elderly instead of Mr and Mrs Ancient. I'd mention it they'd say oops must remember next year and then they didn't. Eventually I got arsey about it and they were very indignant as "someone" had told them the wrong name. People aren't really that bothered about it.

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 17:09

Maybe they are thrilled that their friends have finally got married and it made them smile to write it?
What a strange way to celebrate your friends’ marriage and express your delight at the occasion! “Congratulations! You no longer exist.” Personally I’d send a gift but perhaps passive aggressive envelopes are the new champagne.

ancientgran · 21/12/2022 17:09

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 21/12/2022 16:38

This was really the wrong place to ask about this, OP.

It flushes out the handmaiden and they get very, very angry when you question things like this. Viciously angry. It’s quite fascinating.

I took DH’s surname some time after marriage, but I defend to the death any woman’s right to keep her own name. Most of my friends (40s) have. There is definitely a correlation between level of education and keeping your own name. It’s not an exact science before the snowflakes start screaming; I’m post-grad educated and didn’t - but there is definitely a correlation.

DD is 12 and we are already having conversations about this sort of thing, and I’m encouraging her to question and to think about keeping her own name.

Well done on triggering so many people.

I don't know anyone who hasn't changed their name, graduates/doctors/professional women. Lots talked about it but none actually did it. The closest I got was a doctor who kept her name professionally but used her husband's name in private life. She'd be about 120 if she was still alive so a bit of a trail blazer really.

ancientgran · 21/12/2022 17:11

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 17:09

Maybe they are thrilled that their friends have finally got married and it made them smile to write it?
What a strange way to celebrate your friends’ marriage and express your delight at the occasion! “Congratulations! You no longer exist.” Personally I’d send a gift but perhaps passive aggressive envelopes are the new champagne.

Wow so a name on an envelope means they no longer exist. How scary but at the same time what an easy way to get rid of enemies. Why commit murder when you can just send an envelope?

HitMeWithAHotNoteAndWatchMeBounce · 21/12/2022 17:14

ancientgran · 21/12/2022 17:09

I don't know anyone who hasn't changed their name, graduates/doctors/professional women. Lots talked about it but none actually did it. The closest I got was a doctor who kept her name professionally but used her husband's name in private life. She'd be about 120 if she was still alive so a bit of a trail blazer really.

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No doubt you’re in the UK where keeping your own name is a lot more unusual.

As this thread - and every similar one - continually proves.

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 17:18

I don't know anyone who hasn't changed their name, graduates/doctors/professional women.
I only know one person who changed their name to their husband’s. Mostly it splits neatly into: double-barrelled with their husband (people I know who married young), kept their name (majority), and those who did change their name… but invented a whole new name and both husband and wife switched to the new invented name (far more in this category than in the double-barrel category). Oh, and a handful where the husband took the wife’s name.

They all also address envelopes meticulously and congratulate their friends on marriage via the traditional medium of gifts, toasts and attending the reception, rather than erasing them. Wild but true!

Nchangeagain · 21/12/2022 17:25

I address Christmas cards this way, simply because in my family all the children if each aunt, etc, have the same initial so I put the 1st name as that's easier to know what address goes with it.
Males are more common in my family so it's generally Mr. & Mrs. Michael X or whatever. If it's a female relation it's generally addressed Ms. Lisa X & family or whatever.
Also, after writing 100 cards out, with different messages in each, my arthritic hands are killing me so I'm looking for the quickest (ie, laziest) way of writing the envelopes, and this is it.
It doesn't mean anything else. Inside the card each person first name is written in full. The 1st name inside the card that goes first is whichever is my blood relation, whether that's male or female.

Nchangeagain · 21/12/2022 17:26

*of

OchonAgusOchonOh · 21/12/2022 17:27

ancientgran · 21/12/2022 17:09

I don't know anyone who hasn't changed their name, graduates/doctors/professional women. Lots talked about it but none actually did it. The closest I got was a doctor who kept her name professionally but used her husband's name in private life. She'd be about 120 if she was still alive so a bit of a trail blazer really.

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I work in a university. The vast majority of the female academics did not change their name. The vast majority of the senior, professional level, admins did not change their name. It is much more mixed at lower, non-professional admin levels.

sunglassesonthetable · 21/12/2022 17:38

Is this thread just to emphasise how cleverer, more educated, more professional people tend to keep their own names and for you all to bask in the glow of that?

Or does it just point out that OP's mates aren't really that great ?