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Original poster

Christmas cards: Effing hilarious

185 replies

Ancientbride · 20/12/2022 21:58

I got married this year after 30 years with my partner. It was a pragmatic decision, made for various reasons and something I ever thought I would do BUT just to be clear, it was a happy occasion. This Christmas every fucking card has been addressed to Mr & Mrs husband’s first name and surname. I didn’t actually change my surname and as far as I’m aware I haven’t changed my first name either. Everybody obviously thinks they are being hilarious but it’s really pissing me off!

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 20/12/2022 23:16

That’s the traditional way to address a joint letter or card. Are they from older people?
I personally like it but I am late 40s so probably considered older!

Just because it's traditional doesn't mean it's a good thing - it is very sexist and outdated and I hate it too. I have a doctorate, so my title is Doctor and I'm STILL addressed as Mr and Mrs John Smith! I have never been a Mrs as I changed my title to Ms when I got married, and I have a double barrelled surname too which nobody seems to bother to use! OP, I hear you.

MysteryBelle · 20/12/2022 23:19

surreygirl1987 · 20/12/2022 23:16

That’s the traditional way to address a joint letter or card. Are they from older people?
I personally like it but I am late 40s so probably considered older!

Just because it's traditional doesn't mean it's a good thing - it is very sexist and outdated and I hate it too. I have a doctorate, so my title is Doctor and I'm STILL addressed as Mr and Mrs John Smith! I have never been a Mrs as I changed my title to Ms when I got married, and I have a double barrelled surname too which nobody seems to bother to use! OP, I hear you.

When you have a double barrel surname, how do you decide on surname for any dc? Triple barreled? Or use one of yours and his. What if both parents are double barrels? This is interesting.

Alainlechat · 20/12/2022 23:21

It irritates me too. The first year I thought we were getting cards for my husbands mum and dad!

pinneddownbytabbies · 20/12/2022 23:34

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 20/12/2022 22:26

I agree with you. Of course, the default position is that women change their surname on marriage, although it's more usual these days that they don't, so it would be polite for your friends to ask rather than assume. The suggestion by the pp to have labels made up is a good idea. I always address cards to Mr &Mrs Smith, rather than using the DH's initial.

I have a lovely friend who makes me a birthday card each year. She used to address it to Mrs John Smith. This annoyed me every year, until I explained how it made me feel "erased" to have seemingly given up my first name as well as my surname (I kept my maiden name on marriage but took his name when we had dch). Friend understood, and said she thought it was "correct". She has listened to me, and understands.

My late DM still got letters addressed to 'Mrs John Smith' even after my dad died, and she was a widow. It used to upset her dreadfully.

saraclara · 20/12/2022 23:37

PinewoodScent · 20/12/2022 22:09

That’s the traditional way to address a joint letter or card. Are they from older people?
I personally like it but I am late 40s so probably considered older!

What the...?

I'm late 60s and it still infuriates me that my mum addresses things to me as Mrs (DH's initial) Surname. And I've even been widowed for more than a decade!

But at least she's almost 90.

SaveMeCheezus · 20/12/2022 23:40

Who is sending you cards, people from the 1800s? We got married this year, I did change my name and they've all been to 'Mr & Mrs Surname' or 'Firstname & Firstname' from people who aren't sure if I did or didn't,

Nobody has ever addressed me as Mrs HusbandsFirstName Surname.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 20/12/2022 23:41

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 20/12/2022 22:11

I don't think they think they're being hilarious...they're addressing cards according to traditional conventions.

They are addressing cards according to traditional conventions when the woman has changed her surname top that of her husband. It is not in any way traditional if the couple have different surnames.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 20/12/2022 23:45

Notellinganyone · 20/12/2022 22:31

I’m 56 and have never changed my name. I find this very rude. My in laws have done it for years and then last year I had a strategic rant on FB which finally stopped it. It’s the 21st century ffs.

Show quote history

I'm 58 and didn't change my name either. The only person who addresses post to us as Mr and Mrs dhname is my bil who seems to take it as a personal insult that I didn't take their surname.

ozymandiusking · 20/12/2022 23:46

Our joint bank account don't address me like that.
They write, eg. Mr. A. King and Mrs. B. King

ecosystem · 20/12/2022 23:50

I did that!

TyneTeas · 21/12/2022 00:37

YANBU OP, I thought it was thankfully a dying traditional form of address in the 80s so am a bit surprised by the number of replies saying it is standard

UWhatNow · 21/12/2022 00:53

I’m as burn your bra feminist as they come but I could not give a flying shit about this. I’m a Mrs and it’s a letter-writing convention. I use it myself.

I get the frustration if you’ve got a different surname to your husband but that’s just annoying having to write double names on an envelope. People are lazy. Not out to get you.

Sheis · 21/12/2022 01:03

After writing loads of cards, the shortest way to put the address is easiest. If they had addressed envelope for example Mr Henry Para and Ms Meg Noid, would you be complaining that they are not acknowledging you are married. Also surely your name was inside on the card.

Sheis · 21/12/2022 01:06

UWhatNow · 21/12/2022 00:53

I’m as burn your bra feminist as they come but I could not give a flying shit about this. I’m a Mrs and it’s a letter-writing convention. I use it myself.

I get the frustration if you’ve got a different surname to your husband but that’s just annoying having to write double names on an envelope. People are lazy. Not out to get you.

Exactly this.

ememem84 · 21/12/2022 01:19

We’re attending Bil and Sils wedding at the end of janur

ememem84 · 21/12/2022 01:20

Ah crap. Only posted a bit.

sil isn’t changing her name. Fil and his partner have addressed a card to mr and mrs bil.

they’ve said they won’t consider sil part of the family if she doesn’t change her name.

BasiliskStare · 21/12/2022 01:39

I get some cards dressed to Mr and Mrs ( husband initial ) Husband surname

I am past bothering. My father used to do this ( because - correct according to Debretts ) soon stopped when he sent me a cheque to Mrs Dh initial DH surname ) and he had to go to the bank and cancel it as I have not changed my name and reissue it.

Nowadays a few Christmas cards - I can't be bothered to worry about it. DH also no longer worries when some friends of mine used to send cards Mr and Mrs ( my surname )

For good friends I just tend to put their First names on - job done

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 21/12/2022 02:03

(Whispers)

I love it. I am my own woman, independent, well educated, yadda yadda… but I got married 3 years ago and I love seeing cards arrive with “Mr and Mrs John Smith”

No, I don’t “belong” to my husband. But I waited a damn long time to find the right person to marry, and I’m bloody proud of being his wife. And I know it’s all kind of hypocritical and doesn’t make sense and I couldn’t defend it in an argument.

But it makes me smile everytime I see an envelope addressed in that formal way

PartridgeInAPalmTree · 21/12/2022 02:29

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 20/12/2022 22:11

I don't think they think they're being hilarious...they're addressing cards according to traditional conventions.

It has literally never been a traditional convention to address people by the wrong name, or title, for that matter….?

Namechangenumber23 · 21/12/2022 02:45

YANBU
I get this and we're not even married.

Anotherbloomingchristmas · 21/12/2022 04:34

Just be glad your not Princess Michael.😂

Judgyjudgy · 21/12/2022 04:36

Annoying. Happens to me too. But there are worse things to get worked up about, sorry.

pelargoniums · 21/12/2022 06:24

Return to sender! Have you done your Christmas cards yet? I’m petty as hell and would be keeping a list of everyone who’d misnamed me and send them back a card addressed in a way to annoy: eg Rach for my friend who hates it and only ever uses Rachel, double barrel with a hyphen for the friend who has no hyphen and corrects it every time, Miss for the die-hard Ms, etc. Fuck em. It’s not difficult to get someone’s name right – and if writing two surnames on an envelope is difficult, why choose the husband’s?

HiccupHorrendousHaddock · 21/12/2022 06:35

We have different surnames and can tell which side of the family has sent cards as my older relatives address them to Mr & Mrs Haddock and his do Mr & Mrs Hisname

eurochick · 21/12/2022 06:40

I despair at the people on this thread praising this horribly outdated and sexist mode of address. I can remember my mother ranting about receiving cards addressed this way when I was a child. She's in her 70s now.

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