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Christmas

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Original poster

Just had christmas sprung on me!

327 replies

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

OP posts:
MsPussinBoots · 14/12/2022 12:07

Can't you just say no?

Original poster
user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

OP posts:
Itsallyellow22 · 14/12/2022 12:10

Of course they do, they just sort out their own Christmas. Book a hotel, host themselves, etc. Don't be a martyr just say no.

onlyonedayaweek · 14/12/2022 12:11

BIL and family can come for the day - we have family that distance away, and we can't stay, so whenever we visit, it's a day trip. Alternatively BIL and family can celebrate by themselves, and you can visit PIL or not as you prefer. You really don't have to host

TheMousePipes · 14/12/2022 12:12

Naah fuck that. Just say no.

ModeWeasel · 14/12/2022 12:12

Why are you agreeing if you don’t want to do it?

Either say no or do it with grace.

Justellingthetruth · 14/12/2022 12:12

@user39012

everybidy can have Xmas in there own homes and arrange to meet up later.

you are a building site
dog and cats
etc

easy just say so

Beamur · 14/12/2022 12:13

Say no?

Caspianberg · 14/12/2022 12:13

Just say no.

’ Sorry that doesn’t work for us this year due to building work the house and us aren’t ready to host’ end of conversation

Nobody ‘won’t get Christmas’, they can all do a small affair at their own house this year.

I suggest you do Xmas at yours, Bil at his, and you arrange to drive over to in laws on Christmas Eve to drop off some Christmasy food if they aren’t well.

If Pil isn’t well to have everyone over, then he’s still not well to travel and sit with everyone all day either surely

Beamur · 14/12/2022 12:14

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Yes they do, in their own homes with their immediate family.
Plan a bigger get together when it's more convenient.

BaronessBomburst · 14/12/2022 12:14

Do not take ownership of other people's problems!
PILs can't host.
You can't host.
BIL will need to change his plans accordingly.

GrazingSheep · 14/12/2022 12:14

@user39012
Why is it your problem if no one gets Christmas? Have they no homes of their own?

123rd · 14/12/2022 12:15

Why can't BIL just stay home. If you must, then you can go to PIL for the day.
Just say it's a good year to try something different.
Just say NO

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 14/12/2022 12:15

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

And?

If you don't then you get a load of people staying in your house with a non-house trained dog that you don't want there and means that your cats have to be locked away.

BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

So don't invite them to yours then. They still get to have Christmas, just not with you. They are grown adults. They won't die.

justasking111 · 14/12/2022 12:15

The word NO is a complete sentence.

I learnt that here

Blueberrycreampie · 14/12/2022 12:16

They sound awful, so no! I hate people who do nothing to help and just sit there expecting Christmas. You have a good excuse with the building but really, you don't need an excuse to say no!

AWaferThinMint · 14/12/2022 12:16

It's not your responsibility. Say no!

SeaToSki · 14/12/2022 12:16

Can MIL host everyone for the day if you turn up and cook? Then BIL can decide if he wants to drive over for the day or not. No way should you host anyone at your house let alone chancers like BIL. Building works are a nightmare to live in let alone host, and then its Christmas which amps up the hassle even more.
Alternatively find a nice hotel in the middle of everyones houses that you would be happy to go to for lunch, tell everyone you have booked in there and they are welcome to join you.

NoSquirrels · 14/12/2022 12:17

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight

Sorry everyone but we cannot host at all this year.

Squashpocket · 14/12/2022 12:17

Women are their own worst enemies sometimes. Just don't do it. If you have builders in you have a perfectly solid reason, easily as legitimate as FIL being ill.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 14/12/2022 12:18

Is FIL life threateningly ill? If not I’d suggest you reschedule to get together in the new year. Otherwise if the want to come the book a hotel.

dont be a martyr OP!

NoSquirrels · 14/12/2022 12:18

BaronessBomburst · 14/12/2022 12:14

Do not take ownership of other people's problems!
PILs can't host.
You can't host.
BIL will need to change his plans accordingly.

This.

PIL cannot host.
You cannot host.

BIL & family can stay at their own home.

You can cook dinner at PILs house for them.

The End.

Gardenerboo · 14/12/2022 12:19

Say no. This sounds like hell.

NoSquirrels · 14/12/2022 12:21

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

You get Christmas (at PILs house & you cook, as per original plan, or at your own house if need be)

PILs get Christmas (either for the day at your house, or you can cook at their house)

BIL & family get Christmas (at their own house)

ICanHideButICantRun · 14/12/2022 12:21

Of course they get Christmas! They could offer to have everyone, couldn't they?

Don't be a martyr. Nobody likes a martyr and nobody respects them, either.

Just say it doesn't work for you and you're not doing it. "And what about you, BIL, don't you think it's your time to host, after 25 years of coming here?"

He should shut up at least if you say that.