Just had christmas sprung on me!

[user39012]

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

How absolutely ridiculous. You have cats, you can't have a strange dog in the house, end of. No one will be able to relax and enjoy the day especially with the house being a building site! Unless there's a drip feed and you own a huge mansion with enough room to sleep an extra 5 guests and hide the cats????

I don' get threads like these - Just say F* No and that's the end of it - get BIL to sort out their own Christmas .....and don't get me started on the dog ! You have 3 cats so clearly that won't work for them anyway so have a nice Xmas and see you in the New Year !

PIL come to you !

Grow a back bone !

Don't be a doormat. That's absolutely outrageous. I presume you're not expected to finance it all too? What do they propose to do about their dog? No, it's not on.

Agree with all of this

You can absolutely refuse the dog though. If they cannot got to PILs, they cannot expect others to upend their households for no -essential extras on top of 5 u expected guests.

Do you even have enough space for 5 extra people to stay?

Tough!

Anyway, you're wrong. YOU would get Christmas- instead of rushing about like an unpaid servant at the beck and call of everyone else.

You have to be clear with BIL: the house is a building site, you have cats & decorations that the dog won’t like, you were looking to a year off from being the host, and this time it just doesn’t work for you. Therefore.... Not This Year. It’s not grinchy to choose to celebrate as planned already.

You could suggest a get-together “in the spring” once your house is finished & the dog is more settled.

It’s up to them to decide what they’ll do - they are adults after all. They could have it at home, or do the travelling, or book a hotel, or something else.

No.
It's your turn.
People's rudeness and entitlement never fails to astonish me.

Big girl pants on OP and just say “That doesn’t work for us.”

No sorry, no offering solutions, just “No”.

The dog alone would make me mad. We have one nervous, old-ish cat and she is very much part of the family. I wouldn't put her through that stress.

Echoing others- say no, they'll get a Christmas, it can just be a small, individual affair this year. I love dogs but there is not a chance in hell I'd be hosting someone else's untrained, out of control dog on Christmas day. It's stressful enough without having that to deal with.

Everyone gets Christmas but they'll have to put the effort in themselves. You get a nice quiet Christmas at home, not running around after other people.

You say no. Come on, you have to start being assertive.

NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!

Just say no sorry it can't be done we don't have a roof or the inclination, feel no guilt
BIL can offer to host, or get an air bnb

No.

If you want to invite your parents in law because FIL isn’t well, okay, but you don’t have to invite BIL’s family to stay. I’m sure there isn’t room and they’d enjoy having Christmas at home for once, WOULDN’T THEY?

But also, you can plan a nice quiet Christmas at home just for yourselves.

Everyone will get the Christmas they make for themselves and that’s fine. It’s not up to you to sacrifice yourself for everyone else.

I'd say it definitely will not work having them plus their dog to your house.

Travelodges allow dogs they could book in there and you all still go to PIL as originally planned.

If that is not an option then Christmas in your own homes and some sort of get together at some other point over christmas at BIL seeing as they don't host anything!

Your family will get Christmas.

If pil come to you they get Christmas, if they stay at home they get a quiet stress free christmas

bil,wife,kids and dogs will get Christmas if they pull their fingers out and get themselves sorted.

everyone gets christmas.

God bless us everyone!!!!!!!

"Oh gosh there's just no way we have the space here,+ with the building work and Fido is going to hate that Kitty, Fuzz and Fluffy like to roam the whole house. Perhaps we can all come to you Steve and Linda, I'm sure it'll be a nice change for you and good for the dog too. Don't worry Steve, Paul is happy to help cook"

Dont WAIT for them to offer. Turn it around and push back. You have building works up and your house isn't suitable.

This is nonsense. If you don't host, you will have a perfectly nice Christmas with your family. Time for BIL to sort his own family Christmas out. If your parents in law are well enough to travel to you, then they have Christmas at yours otherwise if FIL cannot travel they will need/want to be at home regardless of who is hosting. I don't know why you are even considering that you need to facilitate anyone this year. Don't be a martyr.

If the dog is a danger to your cats you have to say it can’t come, your poor cats.

Ps being a martyr doesn’t count if you martyr yourself.

They need to get dog friendly Airbnb or stay home. If you can’t cook at PIL as planned then book meal out or all do your own thing. I always stay in a cheap hotel with teens it’s not fair to inflict an extra 5 people on anyone at xmas and it’s less stressful for everyone to have their own space. I bet what you spend on the meal isn’t that different to what BIL would spend on basic accommodation.

Don't be guilt tripped by them on this
You just say 'no, sorry that doesn't work for us due to the current circumstances'
That's it

Stop being a martyr and say I think we should all have Christmas in our own homes this year - do they even contribute towards food, alcohol etc? Have your PIL is they need looking after and your DH wants it. I would absolutely not being putting them up and locking my pets away to accommodate. Grow a back bone!