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Christmas

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Original poster

Just had christmas sprung on me!

327 replies

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

OP posts:
katepilar · 14/12/2022 13:21

EmmaAgain22 · 14/12/2022 13:02

Neither do I
And the poor cats!

Show quote history

Great you can stand up for yourselves. It doesnt give you the right to be so patronising. Not everybody was brought up to do so, in some families its really hard. You could contribute something practical to the op.

PopcornAndPeanutsAndChocolateAndTea · 14/12/2022 13:21

smooththecat · 14/12/2022 13:18

If the dog is a danger to your cats you have to say it can’t come, your poor cats.

This!

Iloveacurry · 14/12/2022 13:21

Just say no. Everyone can sort themselves out.

picnicshicnic · 14/12/2022 13:22

I was a definite no anyway but then you mentioned the dog / cat situation.

That's a definite no. You can't do that. BIL will just need to book a hotel

TheGuv1982 · 14/12/2022 13:23

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Well, and I know no this sounds harsher than it’s intended, but tough? The dog alone sounds like an utter disaster waiting to happen, not to mention the fact you’re not really in a position to host them.

Not really fair to expect you and yours to stress over Xmas because family impose on you. If they’re that bothered they can stay in a hotel.

WimbyAce · 14/12/2022 13:23

Just say no. Why can't BIL host?

Original poster
user39012 · 14/12/2022 13:24

It isn’t quite as simple as just saying no. FIL is not going to see another Christmas. DH is already struggling with that concept and understandably wants to see his family. I’m very much not being a martyr. I’ve said no this year and I’ve stuck to my guns so far but I had assumed that BIL would just come to PIL for the day.

it’s less about being a martyr and more about the fact that I love DH and he’s upset and wants us to be accommodating.

so far I’ve said nothing other than “well you’re not telling me that this hasn’t been discussed, it’s only ten days away”. I haven’t yet said yes but I feel I probably should. Although the invitation will not be extended to the ginormous dog.

OP posts:
StrawberryWater · 14/12/2022 13:25

Say no and put your foot down, especially to the dog. The damn dog can stay at home at least. It’s selfish of them to want to bring it.

Say yes and you set a precedent.

Perfect28 · 14/12/2022 13:25

Fine so your husband can do all the work associated with hosting.

StrawberryWater · 14/12/2022 13:26

user39012 · 14/12/2022 13:24

It isn’t quite as simple as just saying no. FIL is not going to see another Christmas. DH is already struggling with that concept and understandably wants to see his family. I’m very much not being a martyr. I’ve said no this year and I’ve stuck to my guns so far but I had assumed that BIL would just come to PIL for the day.

it’s less about being a martyr and more about the fact that I love DH and he’s upset and wants us to be accommodating.

so far I’ve said nothing other than “well you’re not telling me that this hasn’t been discussed, it’s only ten days away”. I haven’t yet said yes but I feel I probably should. Although the invitation will not be extended to the ginormous dog.

Yeah I can understand this.

But you need to say no to the dog.

Bestcatmum · 14/12/2022 13:27

Just say no.
Grow a backbone.
If I was having building work done it would be a big no and that's that.

AWaferThinMint · 14/12/2022 13:28

Your update makes a lot of sense. How about a compromise if you and DH cooking a meal and having everyone for food but asking BIL et à to
Book a hotel to stay because if building work?

Definitely no dog. And I speak as someone who has a stupid big food stealing dog!

Bestcatmum · 14/12/2022 13:28

Or your husband can organise the whole thing and cook the meal if he feels that bad about it.

MadameMackenzie · 14/12/2022 13:29

But they will just turn up with the dog, even if you say no! Primarily because they're highly unlikely to find a dog sitter for Christmas! Certainly at this short notice

Togoodtobeforgotten · 14/12/2022 13:29

Say it does not work for you because of your cats tell them to book a hotel.

toomuchlaundry · 14/12/2022 13:29

It's not fun but not impossible for BIL and family to travel up and down to PIL in one day. Are you in between PIL and BIL travel wise?

RedToothBrush · 14/12/2022 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wigglefish123 · 14/12/2022 13:29

user39012 · 14/12/2022 13:24

It isn’t quite as simple as just saying no. FIL is not going to see another Christmas. DH is already struggling with that concept and understandably wants to see his family. I’m very much not being a martyr. I’ve said no this year and I’ve stuck to my guns so far but I had assumed that BIL would just come to PIL for the day.

it’s less about being a martyr and more about the fact that I love DH and he’s upset and wants us to be accommodating.

so far I’ve said nothing other than “well you’re not telling me that this hasn’t been discussed, it’s only ten days away”. I haven’t yet said yes but I feel I probably should. Although the invitation will not be extended to the ginormous dog.

Well have you got room to host them all ? If yes then you do it as a one off for your DH /PIL on the understanding that the dog doesn't come (which may get you off the hook anyway) and that DH and MIL and SIL all have to step up and bring food/ prepare and help tidy everything no excuses or exceptions !?

ChristmasCrackler · 14/12/2022 13:30

AWaferThinMint · 14/12/2022 13:28

Your update makes a lot of sense. How about a compromise if you and DH cooking a meal and having everyone for food but asking BIL et à to
Book a hotel to stay because if building work?

Definitely no dog. And I speak as someone who has a stupid big food stealing dog!

Yes this. They can drive down in the morning and either drive back or find a place to stay that isn't your house. Not your problem to sort their dog out. They can do that.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 14/12/2022 13:31

Further to your update, I absolutely see why this is important.
BiL will have to be told no to the dog, so you can relax though
Maybe they have a friend who could look after it?

FrustatedAgain · 14/12/2022 13:31

Based on your update I can see why you'll be saying yes. But stay firm on the no dog!

fancyacuppatea · 14/12/2022 13:31

NO.
NO dogs.
BIL (and his DW/kids) needs to sort out a dog sitter then visit his Dad.
You and your DH/kids need to visit his dad.

Seriously, if he's pretty ill/frail, you need to stagger things...he won't be having a massive meal.

Suggest you visit 24th and they visit 26th...

depends how ill your FIL is.

BIL can book a hotel.

InSummertime · 14/12/2022 13:31

StrawberryWater · 14/12/2022 13:25

Say no and put your foot down, especially to the dog. The damn dog can stay at home at least. It’s selfish of them to want to bring it.

Say yes and you set a precedent.

This text everyone and say.
we have hosted every year for 25 years putting ourselves under enormous strain and stress. This year we decided no
and it is a no.

PhillySub · 14/12/2022 13:32

There is a lot of bum wiping going on there. How do they all manage their lives for the rest of the year?🤔

tanstaafl · 14/12/2022 13:33

Itsallyellow22 · 14/12/2022 12:10

Of course they do, they just sort out their own Christmas. Book a hotel, host themselves, etc. Don't be a martyr just say no.

The solution to some threads appears quite quickly after the OP.
this is one of those times.