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Christmas

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Original poster

Just had christmas sprung on me!

327 replies

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

OP posts:
RitaSueandBobtwo · 14/12/2022 12:21

You just need to say sorry we can’f host this year and leave it at that.

But who on earth leaves it until this late in the day to make assumptions about Christmas and assumes its ok to also invite along a big dog that isn’t even house trained to someone elses house?!? We have a lovely calm well trained big dog and wouldn’t dream he was automatically welcome at the houses of relatives or friends.

FleasNavidad · 14/12/2022 12:22

Why would you stress out your own cats that live in your house and take your tree down to spend Christmas with a dog that pisses all over.

Fucking minging.

Theladyinred · 14/12/2022 12:23

Why do people moan about something and then agree to it anyway!

If you don't want to do it say no !! I can never understand why people can't stand up for themselves .

You can spend Christmas anyway you want too and if this is a big hassle then just tell them you're spending Christmas as a family unit this year and you will see them at some point over Christmas and that's it . No more drama .

Don't make so much hassle for yourself OP

MzHz · 14/12/2022 12:24

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

And that ISNT your problem.

no way to the dog! We’ve got a puppy atm and it’s doing our head in at times, but he’s our puppy, our decision, our carpets 🥲😂🤣

say no, tell BIL will need to host and just drop the. Fucking rope.

LoveBluey · 14/12/2022 12:24

Absolutely say no. We have Xmas just us 4 every year - lockdown was a perfect excuse to start that tradition.

They can sort themselves out or invite you to them.

itwasntmetho · 14/12/2022 12:24

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

I have Christmas every year and I've never even met you.

I'm pretty sure they will have Christmas without you facilitating it too.

Hoppinggreen · 14/12/2022 12:25

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Yes they do, just not at your house
Either say no or suck it up

TangledWebofMincemeatDeception · 14/12/2022 12:26

‘Nobody gets Christmas’ Hmm

I don’t think that’s entirely true...

It is perfectly okay to say no to this.

NatalieIsFreezing · 14/12/2022 12:27

"Sorry no, we can't do it this year."

You don't want to and frankly it's too late in my book, so say no and be free.

WaddleAway · 14/12/2022 12:27

Why would they not get Christmas? They can do it at their own house, surely? They’re not just going to sit on the sofa looking vacant because you haven’t cooked their dinner!

MrsWhites · 14/12/2022 12:28

Just say no, you don’t have to host them all, especially not BIL’s family and dog, you are being a martyr.

Everyone will still get Christmas, it just won’t be the Christmas they are used to, they are responsible for their own families/childrens christmas - they’ll get over it.

At the very least I’d be telling them you can’t host overnight!

summergone · 14/12/2022 12:29

So a big unruly puppy running riot , nope. Absolutely ridiculous that they are expecting to all come to yours hod what is wrong with people .

HunterHearstHelmsley · 14/12/2022 12:29

They obviously can't come purely because of the dog. You can't be expected to lock your cats away. If they agreed to come without the dog, they'd probably bring it anyway. I had the same one year, my uncles girlfriend turned up with her dog. It had to stay in the garden as one my cats hates dogs.

Also... you just don't want to. BIL can host if he wants a big get together

CloudPop · 14/12/2022 12:29

It's a "just say no" from me.

What do you mean they won't "get Christmas"?

AnotherAppleThief · 14/12/2022 12:31

Ah I love a good martyr story.

There are just some people who love 'saving others' 'saving christmas' etc. Personally I'm a similar personality (except I can't cook so wouldn't have this scenario) but complaining about something you can easily say no to is a bit disingenuous.

cataline · 14/12/2022 12:31

Say no! They're adults and perfectly capable of sorting themselves out.

Think of your poor cats - do you want their Christmas to be ruined?

BodenCardiganNot · 14/12/2022 12:33

I might go full on grinch about it...

But you won't will you? You'll just moan and complain and make a martyr of yourself.
Tell them now that it won't be happening in your house.

Yesthatismychildsigh · 14/12/2022 12:33

Fucking hell. Why are people almost proud of being such spineless martyrs. Just say no. And you know full well that it’s you looking to be a martyr by saying ‘ if I don’t nobody gets Christmas’. Of course functioning adults are capable of having their own Christmas.

yodaforpresident · 14/12/2022 12:35

Just say no. Stop being a martyr.

Sugarfree23 · 14/12/2022 12:35

Tell you what BIL why don't we come to you, my house is a shambles, so not hosting here.

They can't exactly say No

Reindear · 14/12/2022 12:36

You’re being a martyr. Either say yes and seethe all day or say no and enjoy your day. They’ll all survive. They’ll all get Christmas still, they’ll just have to cook their own Turkey.

MaryBeardsShoes · 14/12/2022 12:37

Good God will you just say no?

Mrsjayy · 14/12/2022 12:37

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Well they could do their own Christmas in their own home and you could meet after Christmas when fil is better.

TheDivineOddity · 14/12/2022 12:37

Good grief, BIL is a piece of work! Time for him and his DP to be grown ups and sort out their own Christmas for once, perhaps they'd like to invite his parents to stay at their house for the festive season?

Peoplewatcheswithcoffee · 14/12/2022 12:38

This is where the classic mn sentence "this doesn't work for us" comes in. You have building work and chaos making hosting very hard.

PIL could come across just for Xmas dinner or a couple of hours. If FIL is unwell it is unlikely he will want a huge family dinner and a house full even at someone else's house anyway.

BIL and family can choose to come for the day or they can have their own Christmas. There are plenty of them so they are not home alone. If they don't want to come for just the day they could find a nearby hotel/BnB to stop in. Great big non house trained dog will either have to go into kennels (unlikely to find space at this point) or stay home (one of the teens might be quite happy to stay home with the dog). It is not fair on the cats or on you having to move Christmas decorations for the sake of a dog that is not yours. They chose to have a dog, they need to plan around that and make the necessary sacrifices.