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Original poster

Just had christmas sprung on me!

327 replies

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

OP posts:
ABBAsnumberonefan · 14/12/2022 12:55

Say no. They get Christmas by sorting themselves out. Simple.

FriedEggChocolate · 14/12/2022 12:55

There was a wonderful phrase someone used on another thread, "don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm". That's what you're doing.

To me you have 2 options:

  1. These are inlaws. Tell your husband to get peeling because he's doing the cooking for his extended family. You get to hide upstairs.
  2. Tell your husband to push back. Get him to practice "We don't have the capacity to host another family this year, hope Christmas goes well for you all". Repeat as necessary.
LakieLady · 14/12/2022 12:56

The cheek of some people.

That would be a big fat "no" from me, even if the house wasn't a building site. Wtf is wrong with them that they think it's ok for you to host year after year?

ZenNudist · 14/12/2022 12:58

Caspianberg · 14/12/2022 12:13

Just say no.

’ Sorry that doesn’t work for us this year due to building work the house and us aren’t ready to host’ end of conversation

Nobody ‘won’t get Christmas’, they can all do a small affair at their own house this year.

I suggest you do Xmas at yours, Bil at his, and you arrange to drive over to in laws on Christmas Eve to drop off some Christmasy food if they aren’t well.

If Pil isn’t well to have everyone over, then he’s still not well to travel and sit with everyone all day either surely

Agree. No no no.

What does DH say?

rwalker · 14/12/2022 12:59

I could just about suck it up except the dog
tell them there welcome but not the dog

User359472111111 · 14/12/2022 12:59

@user39012 - Please listen. This isn't about what you want or don’t want. It is not physically possible for you to host BIL’s family including the dog in your building site house. So you need to stop considering it an option to say yes/no to.

You have two actual options :

  1. No, you cannot host Christmas at all this year.
  2. You can do the normal “come for the day” thing, people will need to work out how this works for themselves. The un housetrained dog who will terrorise your cats and house isn’t invited and won’t be allowed in if she comes.

There are many options for people to have Christmas including them all cooking for themselves. You are not responsible for everyone’s Christmas.

SnowlayRoundabout · 14/12/2022 12:59

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Why? Have your own family Christmas - go out for Christmas lunch if necessary - and tell BIL to sort himself and his parents out.

DismantledKing · 14/12/2022 13:00

I never, ever understand these threads.
just say no and stop being such a fucking doormat

inappropriateraspberry · 14/12/2022 13:01

Refuse. You can't have the dog in the house. Say you'll go to in-laws as planned to cook for them, but they/BIL can sort themselves out!

wednesday32 · 14/12/2022 13:01

Don't be a martyr. Either your BIL can offer to host everyone or you all do your own thing. No idea what you mean when you say if you don't host no one gets Christmas. If they were all bothered about having the day altogether everyone would have discussed this before the 14th of December.

StoppinBy · 14/12/2022 13:01

You can say No if you wish.

This year my PIL were invited to our house for Xmas lunch but they had already invited another relative to theirs for lunch and just assumed we would go to theirs, we can't because our dog has had surgery and their dog is rough as guts so the two dogs can't be with each other at the moment.

We then invited them to come Xmas eve and stay for brekky as we have the ability to keep the dogs separate at our house and they could get home in time to make lunch.

Their guest is no longer coming and they thought they would just stay the entire day at ours as well as Xmas eve.

This would mean our dog being crated all day plus having to put up with my horrible FIL for all that time.... I went full grinch and told them they have to leave because we are taking the kids out for the day lol.

Only problem is that we now need to go out for the day with a dog who is on limited walking 🤣.... still better than the alternative.

Coffeepot72 · 14/12/2022 13:01

There are many options for people to have Christmas including them all cooking for themselves. You are not responsible for everyone’s Christmas.

This. Then say no

EmmaAgain22 · 14/12/2022 13:02

DismantledKing · 14/12/2022 13:00

I never, ever understand these threads.
just say no and stop being such a fucking doormat

Neither do I
And the poor cats!

YomAsalYomBasal · 14/12/2022 13:03

Just say "I am not in a position to host this year" A bunch of grown adults can make their own arrangements.

NippyWoowoo · 14/12/2022 13:04

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

What? Everyone does their own thing. I have no sympathy for martyrs

Paq · 14/12/2022 13:04

Why can't BIL have Christmas in his own house? He could host you?

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 14/12/2022 13:04

I would say No Because Building Works
and
No To Dog.

It isn’t your problem that they chose to get an enormous non-house-trained dog.

Why isn’t your DH intervening and putting his foot down?

nancydroo · 14/12/2022 13:05

Why don't bill and family just have Xmas at home as fil is ill. Why the need for everyone to meet up I don't know

LadyLaLaa · 14/12/2022 13:06

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Yes they do. They deal with it and sort their own xmas - like grown ups.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 14/12/2022 13:06

It is actually ludicrous that you and the rest of the family would think this reasonable.

Battlecat98 · 14/12/2022 13:07

I would say no especially with a new dog, your poor cats.

MontanaRivers · 14/12/2022 13:07

I’d just say no. Simple. Everyone stay in their own house.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 14/12/2022 13:08

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

You will though!
That's incredibly rude, just assuming you'd do all of it. And they expect you to lock your cats away in their OWN HOME!!!

ladygindiva · 14/12/2022 13:08

Fuck them . Say no.

Stravaig · 14/12/2022 13:08

Stop whining and just say NO.
Don't explain, don't justify, don't make excuses. Just refuse.