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Original poster

Just had christmas sprung on me!

327 replies

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:05

FFS. Just ranting really.

Every single year we host christmas day. I've never once in 25 years had a christmas where we don't host extended family. BIL and his family stay for a few days at PIL's house and are waited on hand and foot by MIL and they all come here for the whole day.

This year I held out and didn't offer. We are in building chaos and we are all a bit frazzled. Instead we were going to PIL for christmas and I offered to cook there to help out. They live about 45 minutes away so we don't need to stay overnight. Unfortunately FiL isn't well and they have said that BIL and his family can't stay overnight. BIL lives about 2.5 hours away from PIL.

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).

I am so pissed off. I know its bah humbug and I appreciate that FIL isn't well and it would be too much but BIL's family have never once offered to host. In fact they've never even invited us to their house!

I might go full on grinch about it...

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 14/12/2022 12:39

You need to make the counter proposal that BIL hosts

onceina · 14/12/2022 12:39

Just straight out say, BIL can we do it at yours? I'm not up to it this year. I was really counting on having this year off, after the last 25 hosting

uncomfortablydumb53 · 14/12/2022 12:39

Just say it won't be possible this year because of your building work,
You don't need to give any more information than that
Everyone will have their own Christmas in their own homes
It's not your responsibility to magic up solutions so DON'T
You can drop food for Mil and Fil on Christmas Eve if you want to
Let them know now, so they have time to plan

sweetgrapes · 14/12/2022 12:41

Why is it all bah humbug and grinchy to say no?
You are not stopping anyone from having a good Christmas - just saying you can't do it all for everyone else.
Don't be a doormat - just say No.

You can all book somewhere out and have a meal out. Or all sort themselves out and everyone has a quiet Christmas by themselves.

You don't owe anything to everyone else.

AelinAshriver · 14/12/2022 12:41

You're fine OP. Just say no.

Littlepiggiesinblankets · 14/12/2022 12:42

Seriously say NO! Everybody else's Christmas is not your problem.

ManxRhyme · 14/12/2022 12:42

Surely if they have a new dog that isn't house trained that means they shouldn't be imposing themselves on others to host? Either they host or just celebrate by themselves.

gamerchick · 14/12/2022 12:42

If you let people take the piss then they will OP. Tell them no, it's not happening and maybe you should all just stay at home this year and have a quiet one.

Stop putting your needs last ffs.

youngestisapsycho · 14/12/2022 12:43

Just say.....

TrixJax · 14/12/2022 12:44

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Well everyone will have to make there own arrangements.

"That's such a shame we can't have Christmas together this year. We're in building chaos and certainly can't host here. Hope you all have a lovely Christmas Day and look forward to getting together once our place is no longer like a building site"

Bluetrews25 · 14/12/2022 12:45

'Of course you can come, BIL! But you will need to leave the dog in kennels, and all of you sleep in your car if you are staying over.'

At least you know what to get the family for Xmas - voucher for dog training lessons.

Is FIL genuinely unwell, or is it that MIL cannot face hosting everyone even if you cook, OP? Has she lost the organisational skills? (It happens). If not, FIL must be pretty unwell for them to know so far in advance that he will not be up to people staying. Sorry about that, if this is the case.

sweetgrapes · 14/12/2022 12:45

Just saw they've never even invited you to their house! And you bend over backwards for them just why?

ChristmasCrackler · 14/12/2022 12:46

I'm really hoping this is 'get MN frothing' thread, but just in case it's not, or for anyone else reading, no, you do not have to do Christmas on anybody's terms but your own!

Christmas spirit isn't about martyring yourself, or your kids, carpets or cats!

Just do what you want to do for your family and let other people do their own Christmas. Invite who you want, or none if you don't.

I said on another thread that i 'went off the rails at 40' and that was the last year i let anybody dictate to me how i should sound my time!

pelargoniums · 14/12/2022 12:46

So now its proposed that we do the whole of Christmas instead and also host BIL and his family overnight - wife and 3 teenagers and a new enormous dog which isn't house trained and apparently can't go anywhere with a christmas tree or decorations or where cats aren't locked away (we have three).
”No, I don’t think so. Have a lovely Christmas at home with your new dog and we look forward to catching up in the new year – happy to head to you as obviously the dog can’t come to us!”

Then get online and order your Christmas food for staying at home; offer to cook for PILs still if they want to/plan to deliver a plate/invite them over for lunch.

Not a three cats chance in hell would I have people over with a rampaging dog that meant locking up my own cats, let alone all the rest of it. Stop trussing yourself up like a turkey and say no.

Welshy26 · 14/12/2022 12:47

Tell them no. Reasons why. And that they need to book dog-friendly hotel...or they stay home and do Christmas there.

Welshy26 · 14/12/2022 12:48

You have a choice.

TheEponymousGrub · 14/12/2022 12:48

Who proposed this? Was it your husband, OP? There's the problem.

greenhousegal · 14/12/2022 12:48

OP is either crying in a corner or smiling at our frothing at the mouth.

Either way fuck Christmas. It is an endless round of drudgery and stress, and if you want, martyrdom.

Easy not to be the above, but some people like to moan and they also like doormats a lot.

PrestonNorthHen · 14/12/2022 12:49

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Tough
They are adults they can sort something out

toomuchlaundry · 14/12/2022 12:49

No-one will be on their own, so you don’t have to host everyone

FrustatedAgain · 14/12/2022 12:49

user39012 · 14/12/2022 12:08

well if I do then nobody gets christmas...

Why do they need to be with you to get Christmas? Have a quieter one this year. Offer for them to visit but they can't stay with you.
When you choose to have a dog you have to realise its a tie and you can't just go off staying at peoples houses now. A lesson that they need to learn!
I would never expect to be able to bring my dog to sleep at the home of someone with 3 cats.

Fundays12 · 14/12/2022 12:51

Just say no. You have building chaos at home, it’s short notice plus your poor cats maybe terrified or hurt by a big dog that can’t be near cats. As an owner of cats no way in hell would I be allowing a big dog into my house that may hurt my cats or destroy my house. It’s my cats home too. They chose to have the dog and not to house train it. That’s there problem not there’s. Honestly in your position I would tell them you can’t and won’t host due to the reasons mentioned then book myself lunch out. If they push it remind them they have there own house they could stay for Christmas.

dcut · 14/12/2022 12:52

Just say no FFS.
It's not possible because of the building works and the dog. End of discussion.
There is no way in hell anyone would be staying at my place with a dog. And also no way in hell I would be hosting with building works going on.

Also, don't do that whole "nobody will have Christmas" thing. Yes they will. But they'll have to make their own arrangements. Things will be different this year but it doesn't mean they won't have Christmas.

But I expect you'll just put up with it instead of saying a clear, assertive no and you'll moan on here and possibly to some friends in real life who will also be thinking "Just say the fuck NO"

Eddielizzard · 14/12/2022 12:54

Def suggest BIL host!!! Absolutely don't cave. Otherwise yes, everyone will have to sort themselves out for once.

Hold your ground. And hold it again next year too. Break the mold!

NewToWoo · 14/12/2022 12:54

FFS, you say No. "We are in the middle of building work so no, we can't host anyone at all this year. Maybe we could come to you BiL - you haven't hosted for years!"

It's not taht hard. And why is it your responsibility to give Christmas to everyone? If they don;t get Christmas it's not your fault. It's theirs. They need to learn how to dress a tree, roast a turkey, deep clean a house, mix the drinks all by themselves. I'm sure they can do it.