Charging Family for Christmas Dinner

[RoachPussy]

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

That is so embarrassing

In my family my parents still host/pay for Christmas.
But in the future when they aren't able then it will be the same person (biggest house and best cook) who will have to do everything as my other siblings won't/can't step up.
I don't think it's fair for one family to sub everyone else. Hosting is very expensive and time consuming £20 per head is a drop in the ocean!
Yes it would seem less crass if everyone all pitched in equally and bought lovely dishes of food/drinks to contribute. Knowing one of my siblings thru would bring a bottle of lemonade and think that was generous! So charging a small amount seems perfectly fair to me.

Those who never host or cook have no idea how costly it is and how much planning, shopping and preparation is involved. When they’re told, they nod and agree but they still have no clue. Often, they arrive empty handed.
As you may have guessed, we have relatives like this, a couple who have NEVER in the 16 years I have known them, hosted anything at any time. They are fed and watered throughout the whole of Christmas and New Year holiday by various members of the family and they contribute nothing, not even an offer to help clear up.
Gradually,, I have managed to sideline them so now they are invited ( just the 2 of them and us) to a small buffet of leftovers between Christmas and NY. Do they get the hint? No. They turn up as usual, scoff, drink and leave. 😀

⬆️ I know that was a rant and not really relevant to the post. Sorry. 😌

@Bleachmycloths My mum is the same . I have had to host her for 20 years since she was widowed. She has never once offered to help or contribute financially and frequently complains. One year she even presented me with the receipt for a single portion Xmas pudding she bought because she doesn't like fancy ones.

I’ve never had one family volunteer to contribute towards Christmas dinner and I wouldn’t dream of asking. This year it’s irked me a little that we’re spending £450 on a bloody dinner and everybody else gets to turn up, sit and relax and keep their hands in their pockets. If I ever considered asking people to pay I would just stop hosting, nobody is forced to do Christmas dinner.

That’s crazy money, how many are you catering for?

It really is. 7 adults and one child so I can’t even justify it because we’re feeding huge numbers. Around £200 is on meat, haven’t collected from the butcher yet so could be in for a nasty surprise! If we couldn’t do it we wouldn’t but it’s still a huge cost to fall to one person.

Last time I spent Christmas at my mums she tried to charge me £40.

I’d bought 6 bottles of wine and the puddings (which weren’t cheap) and all she’d provided for me to eat were some greasy Bombay style potatoes, a burnt Quorn fillet (I wasn’t a vegetarian and everyone else had meat) and some peas which were like bullets.

I laughed at her and haven’t been back to hers for Christmas dinner in absolutely ages. Cheeky mare.

If you can’t afford to host then don’t, or at least be upfront and say you want to do a pot luck style thing where everyone brings a dish to help out.

That’s terrible!!!!!!!! It’s like something out of a comedy sketch!!! What on Earth!!

I think it’s fine to split the costs. I don’t think it’s fine to expect one person to fully cater for everyone else. So I don’t see it as charging, more splitting the costs.

id not do it, but when we have big Christmass we split it, one gets the turkey, another the deserts and starters , someone thr ham, stuffing , and veg etc, it’s a big cost to do it properly alone.

Tell me about it! It was mostly inedible.

She'd already shared the meat out between all the other plates too so it's not like I could go and change my plate.

I ended up eating the greasy potatoes and some salad and half a yule log. Not sure why she didn't at least do roasties for me (that was another thing she did for everyone else).

I think she might hate me lol (she doesn't really, she'd usually ok). I think she just got confused.

Like I said though, I haven't been back there for Christmas in a very long time! Don't want to risk it.

Omg, a receipt! That’s terrible. I think relatives like this feel they’re entitled to be invited/ treated/looked after and made to feel special. I bet a pound to a penny that your mum tells other people how you look after her, always invite her and make a lovely dinner. I’ve seen it so many times. All you can do is accept it and laugh. Maybe even share it with friends and have a giggle about it. It does help to relive things a bit. Merry Christmas! 🎄

⬆️ Relieve - not relive 😊

That’s just so rude.

I always feel lucky on these threads as our lot insisted on splitting the cost when it became apparent it was going to be at ours every year. They outright refused to come unless we agreed to an equal split of cost.

How much? Are there 20 plus coming?

I’d hate the idea of charging or paying family to cook a meal.

I suppose it’s better than one of my friends who insists on hosting a pot luck dinner where everyone chooses to bring something random. It makes for a really odd and lukewarm meal. I don’t go any longer. She’s a bit strange though, because she also kept inviting us over to hers for a takeaway and then ordering and paying for her own before we got there. Again I don’t say yes anymore. It would have made more sense to alternate. She isn’t short of money, but chooses to spend it on handbags instead of hospitality 😂

I am glad to be part of a family where the sibling with the biggest house is happy to host us all so that we can be relaxed, happy and together.

I am also glad that we are all happy to share the cost, and the work. The dinner is beautifully put together by the host family, no ‘pot luck’ contributions, with wine that matches. We sit peeling and chopping together (dinner is evening), we clear up and wash up between us, and then after NY we msg host sibling for how much contribution is about right, trust the suggestion and transfer the cash.

Happy all round. No one gets in a huff, no one feels taken for granted.

Sounds perfect.

I definitely don't think the financial burden should fall on one person, so you need some way of making it fair, but I would never charge people who were coming over for dinner because I'd be worried that people would start treating it like a restaurant meal and complain about portion size, stuff not being cooked right, dietary requirements etc.

For the same reason, I know if I were asked to contribute, I'd be more fussy about stuff like that and feel annoyed if I didn't think I was getting good quality food, as unreasonable as I know that probably sounds. When you're invited, you take what you get and feel grateful but when you pay, it can cause resentment if you don't like what you get.

Maybe the host has been caught out by asking someone to bring desert/wine and they turn up with 1 economy cheesecake & no cream/1 bottle of lambrini for 12.

We are going to my mother in laws for christmas this year, as we have done the last few years. She makes a lovely dinner and enjoys hosting and cooking for family. However, I always make it a point to ask if she would like us to contribute in some way.. be it bringing a course, some alcohol or just some money. She never accepts it but I feel especially now with the cost of living you cant expect people to feed large families and guests with no help. Maybe thats just me personally. I would say however that £20 isnt expensive. If your including a full turkey dinner with dessert as well its alot cheaper than reasturants on xmas day!