Charging Family for Christmas Dinner

[RoachPussy]

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

I'd love it but none of them live local, none of them have enough room to host. Some of them don't come anymore as their partners want to go to their parents who live locally to them. It isn't always as easy as it sounds. I keep telling them that "next year" I'm going on a religious retreat or volunteering somewhere but I never actually do it.

I'll probably get shot for this but Christmas Day in my pyjamas and dinner on our laps, just the two of us, watching whatever we wanted on TV, was one positive thing about lockdowns for me. It was so relaxing.

I think serving a meal and then asking for £20 per head is charging - suggesting up front that everyone contributes is sharing the load. What is unreasonable is people not offering to so do.

Amazing that you can be so sure of how it is done in Australia. There seems to be lots of variety on here but in Australia there is just one way? Funnily enough my late Australian aunt was the least hospitable, tight fisted person I ever met. If you visited her she would charge for everything, even a cup of tea.

She hasn't served a meal and then asked for £20, she has suggested upfront that everyone contributes by giving her £20.

Yes, I know - and I think that is perfectly acceptable whereas others are calling it charging for a meal.

I imagine most people would be totally fine with covering the costs of having one or two extra people at Christmas like this. It’s different if you’re the regular designated host for 14 other people because you’re the only one with a large enough house and dining table, and you suddenly realise that at this year’s prices, your entire usual monthly food budget (and then some) is going to be spent on just one or two days’ festive food.

We hosted Thanksgiving for 17 people this year and the cost was eye-watering even for us with a six figure household income which it didn’t dent - and didn’t include all the added Christmas sundries like cakes, mince pies, biscuits etc. A large enough turkey alone was £80. Is it so difficult, with the cost of living crisis so well publicised, to see how many lower or middling income families simply won’t be able to be play generous hosts this year?

Sorry I thought you were saying asking for money was wrong. We are in agreement.

It seems a bit odd to me that your colleague hadn't already offered to get something or give a cash contribution. I think, therefore, that they are being very unreasonable.

Maybe what she's really saying is " Things are really tight at the moment and I'd be glad if you could please help out with the cost of the family xmas dinner for the whole family"

Maybe you could say " Why don't I pay for the turkey, to help spread the cost.".

DF will insist on buying the meat, as always. And most of the rest. But if there is a large group, it is an expensive meal (any large group meal involving a few courses, drinks, snacks on arrival etc is expensive).

I intend rocking up with wine, cheese, and a box of treat things for other festive gatherings (there are a few home this year so there will be a few gatherings). I would like to bring a dish prepared to take a load off but that won't be accepted ("don't you worry about it, I'll organise all that here") so this is my way of getting involved. Another DSis organises a few other things, while another does a good bit of baking to enjoy, and a DB brings more savoury treats.

The very simple way to resolve family arguments on this is to be upfront saying "we are happy to host but can we spread the cost between us" and then roughly do a menu and budget for everything.

Then if family want to chip in buying stuff or with cold hard cash it works.

The point is to make it clear that cooking dinner at Christmas isn't a free lunch and maybe spreading the load, particularly this year, is the way to go.

If sister struggling financially then it’s fine and I would be embarrassed to go and not chip in as it’s an expensive amount of food and booze to buy. If sister was comfortable financially and typically others host family events or pay for stuff but she is choosing to charge then she is a tight arse. Context would be everything to me in this scenario x

It depends. If you invite someone It would feel weird asking for money, but if it's more a general consensus that Xmas meal will be at xx's house because they have the room then everyone should chip in.
Unless you rotate between family members hosting, then its unfair that one person should always bear the brunt of the cost of xmas lunch and it does get expensive by the time you factor in nibbles, cheeses, alcohol etc

I usually host as I have the most suitable room and table (and my family are all rubbish cooks) but everyone puts in £10 per adult and each brings a bottle and I cover the rest. There are 11 of us and it would cost me nearly a week’s take home pay at todays prices which I can’t afford on one wage. Any left over booze goes to a later get together. I didn’t request the money but people offered - I think as a relief they didn’t have to cook it all - and now it’s pretty established in our family.

With the current cost of living crisis i would suggest not everyone is financially able to cover the cost of a big family get together. It could run into hundreds of pounds and for some this could ruin christmas. If it was the difference between having a lovely family meal and the host being able to relax and enjoy the occassion then i would be more than happy to pay the £20 per head.

I would rather have an honest request for a contribution than a member of my family struggling financially whilst trying to be nice.

If someone else was hosting I'd happily contribute £20 per head!

As it stands, we're the only ones close enough, and with a big enough house to host. We're sick of it. It's expensive, hard work, stressful, and you can't end the day when you want by going home when you've had enough. I'd much rather be a guest than host every frigging year!

In fact, thanks to this thread I've just decided that I'm going to task some family members with contributing by bringing items they can with them.

Anyhoo, I'd happily pay ANYONE (at least) £20 to have my mother for Xmas day 🤣

There is a market for this? How have I not known about this before? @WeekendWorker - My DH will outbid you to the ends of the earth for someone to have my mother for the day…..🤣🤣

Our family have always given the host some money towards hosting Christmas. Previously I have given £20 for my family (total). Now we tend to split buying the food and even cook some at home or at the least prepare it ready for cooking. It often puts people off hosting Christmas as our family is quite big now.

Sometimes we just meet at a venue and that’s crazy pricey - but so much less stress.

possibly cheeky to ask for money blatantly, there is a delicate way to ask for contributions, I don’t blame people this year for this.

Saw her this afternoon in the office and she’s told her sister that she would prefer to contribute towards the meal by providing a dessert and some wine rather than giving £££. Sister is more than happy with this and is going to see what the brothers would prefer to do also. She only suggested cash as she thought it was easier. All happy now.

She did say to me that she was going to make a trifle 🤢🤢 that’s a whole different post though.

I went to my brothers house for Christmas a few years ago. We took wine and food & various bottles of spirits. Stayed 2 days.

Just before we left my sister in law 'reminded me' (first we'd heard) that we owed them £60 per head (including the kids who were all under 10) to cover the hosts of them hosting us.
We have not been there for Christmas again.

That is awful. Last dinner I would have at their house.

I would really really struggle to ask anybody for £££ as a contribution . But I get a huge kick out of hosting and love feeding my family. I spend around £500 on food for Xmas week and only ask that petite bring their own booze and mixers.

The way things are going I could POSSIBLY see myself possibly asking that guests bring X dish to contribute but even that is a step being my comfort zone. But if it gets worse, and I can't put away the £10-12a week next year, I may have to.

Tell her to offer to host if she's not happy!

Yes would pay that and take alchahol etc too. Would not expect it all for free.

That to me says your brother was supposed to have had this conversation with you before hand but didn’t so it was left to his wife to do his dirty work.