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Charging Family for Christmas Dinner

222 replies

RoachPussy · 01/12/2022 15:39

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

OP posts:
Lorrymum · 01/12/2022 17:00

We give my sister £50 towards Christmas lunch. We offered and that was the sum we agreed on.

ancientgran · 01/12/2022 17:02

PurBal · 01/12/2022 15:46

We normally all contribute something. So this year someone is supplying wine, another person cheese (we eat a lot of artisan cheese so will be a fair amount), another the turkey, another desserts. There’s 8 of us and the turkey is £80…

Not Christmas but a big "thing" and I relied on people bringing what they had promised to bring. One person didn't and it really was an issue and the shops weren't open so I couldn't get it. So I would never plan a meal based on people bringing things.

I wouldn't ask for money either but I can afford to provide dinner, I know some people can't. Presumably all the family getting together means the sister, brothers and mother can all turn their heating off, don't need cooker on and have a nice time together £20 doesn't seem bad value.

Ponderingwindow · 01/12/2022 17:03

sometimes it is easier for the host to prepare everything instead of making the event a crowdsourced affair. With rising costs, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to help out with costs. Hosting is very expensive.

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/12/2022 17:04

GlassDeli · 01/12/2022 16:47

No of course you shouldn't charge guests! However a guest can always offer to bring a cake, pudding, wine, chocolates etc.

These aren’t generally the big ticket items for Christmas eating though, are they? Rocking up with a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates to share when your host is feeding 12 people and has spent £150 on the meat alone isn’t really a fair contribution.

stuntbubbles · 01/12/2022 17:05

I’m also a culinary control freak so I’d want to sort canapés, starters, the main event, puddings, wine and chocolates myself rather than have to contend with the indignity of random contributions; cash is preferable. But I do accept I am awful.

SnowJamz · 01/12/2022 17:05

I think it’s reasonable to ask for a contribution if the host is one of the only ones with enough space for everyone and it’s been a joint decision to go to their house.

But otherwise, I don’t understand why they have offered to host and invited people if the cost is an issue.

Though guests should never turn up empty handed.

SpinningFloppa · 01/12/2022 17:06

I don’t think it’s a lot, my SIL invited me to Xmas dinner but wanted £50 i wasn’t drinking as breastfeeding and I don’t eat meat so god knows what the £50 was for! I stayed at home.

ancientgran · 01/12/2022 17:07

RoachPussy · 01/12/2022 16:31

Some of these posts where the extended family all chip in bringing something sound so lovely. I’d never considered it but you have made me realise it’s quite common and I think would make it easier and more special.

Until doesn't actually arrive with what they promised, are you OK with the one bringing wine forgetting or the one bringing cheese deciding they'd rather bring chocolate. I think money is far easier.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 01/12/2022 17:07

stuntbubbles · 01/12/2022 17:05

I’m also a culinary control freak so I’d want to sort canapés, starters, the main event, puddings, wine and chocolates myself rather than have to contend with the indignity of random contributions; cash is preferable. But I do accept I am awful.

'the indignity of random contributions'

Grin
nova99 · 01/12/2022 17:13

I am forever wary of people asking for money. My sister hosted one year and as she isn't a skilled cook we decided a Buffett was best. She asked for £50 from DH and I to put towards the buffet which tbh at the time was pretty steep.
Others were asked for £50 as well so we were expecting a good spread.

The turkey was Bernard Matthews wafer thin turkey.

Left to sweat in the packet.

£50.

blacksax · 01/12/2022 17:13

Ever since I've had a home of my own I've always hosted. People turn up loaded with presents, and have brought things like the Christmas crackers, the pudding, bottles of drink galore, piles of chocolates and more cheese than even I could eat. They will also do gargantuan piles of washing up, make gallons of tea to wash down the afternoon cake & Quality Street, and will make great loads of sandwiches and whatnot in the evening for anyone who still has a tiny part of their insides remaining unstuffed.

I've always gratefully and delightedly accepted all kind offers of both provisions and assistance, and wouldn't dream of asking anybody to contribute financially.

Maybe some people have guests who turn up empty-handed year after year, so perhaps for folks like them it could be worth considering though!

jannier · 01/12/2022 17:18

Would you have offered to bring anything if she hadn't asked? Just heating the house for the day is going to save everyone else a lot, everything has gone up ridiculously....maybe they just don't know how to pay for it all and feel it's better than cancelling

geraniumsandsunshine · 01/12/2022 17:19

Every family is different. My mum wouldn't dream of asking but if she did I wouldn't moan! It's lovely to be invited. It's a bit stress and expense and £20 might mean the host can make it a really lovely occasion

yellowlabel · 01/12/2022 17:29

Christmas dinner can get really expensive if you're feeding a lot of people. I'd never ask people for money but I do ask them to bring stuff...nibbles, alcohol or a pudding or something. That helps to keep costs down.

theremustonlybeone · 01/12/2022 17:32

Christmas Dinner is very expensive, so if it is a thing in your family that you all get together perhaps she cant afford the expense hence the request for money

VeronicaFranklin · 01/12/2022 17:52

So I usually cook for 12/15 people on Christmas Day and when you add it all up, it is a lot of money to go out of just one person's pocket.

In the past I have footed the bill myself and then left myself short. There's been years where I've asked for some money towards and some people have given and some have said they'll give me some later then never have. Overall hosting is expensive but it shouldn't be an expectation that the host will cover all parts of Christmas dinner.

So usually in our family either people bring something (from a list i.e. dessert/ cheese & biscuits / champagne) or they put towards per head.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for contribution to Christmas dinner. The only people who don't think it's reasonable are the ones that never host so don't appreciate how expensive it is to expect one person or one couple to pay for it all. Great if you have the money, but in times like these, it's not acceptable for people to expect to not have to contribute in some way.

stayathomer · 01/12/2022 17:55

My automatic thought was no, but then think of all the food she’s buying and now I listen to mn, think of the cost of the electricity to cook it!! It means the guests don’t have to splash out for a turkey so actually they probably should have offered!!!

Georgyporky · 01/12/2022 17:59

I'd happily pay that to anyone who was cooking me a meal on Xmas day, & all I had to do was help clear up & load the DW.

DisforDarkChocolate · 01/12/2022 18:02

I would never charge but surely you can imagine that some people can't afford not to?

burnoutbabe · 01/12/2022 18:06

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/12/2022 16:37

I don’t see the problem. It costs to be a host. Asking everyone to contribute a dish is great for a casual potluck supper but not for a timed meal where different things need in and out of the oven and if Aunt Sharon is late arriving there’ll be no roast potatoes, or no salmon if your forgetful brother forgets it, and you don’t trust your sister in law not to go off piste with the vegetarian option and make something other than what you asked for.

yes it makes sense to just ask for money rather than for a specific item (as if you say i want XYZ from M&S, bar code zzzzz, price £20, deliver it in advance so it can be cooked in time, then what is the difference)

I gave my sister £100 M&S gift voucher when she was hosting us for xmas. I don't give my parents cash as thats different but sibling, i am never going to have her to my flat (small flat and i CAN NOT COOK) so can't do turns.

NotToBeShaked · 01/12/2022 18:10

My DB and SIL host every year. They are also the only ones with a table big enough to host us all. They could well afford to pay but we wouldn't dream of letting them. Someone takes the meat, another the starters and deserts, others the drinks and cheese etc. We also chip in with the cooking.

It's a family day which we all take part in.

SixCharactersinSearchofanAuthor · 01/12/2022 18:11

As the ne in the family with the biggest dining table it does suck to have to cook for every family occasion. And it adds up, and if you ask people to bring stuff they either bring the wrong thing or not enough. Every fecking year I ask my brother to bring crackers and every year have a bet to see which crackers he will turn up with - cheese ones or popping ones! I don't think offering to wash up is the same as bringing a £30 turkey.

808Kate1 · 01/12/2022 18:12

I think it's the terminology being used here that's important - it does seem a bit crass to actually say you're 'charging' for the dinner, but would be fair do's to ask if they'd each mind contributing some cash into a kitty to buy the food, or as PP suggested, ask everyone to bring a dish.

Loachworks · 01/12/2022 18:24

I don't look at it as charging in my family and there is a huge cost for the shopping for the whole day, (easily £400) it's £20 per head without alcohol for the lunch alone. I don't look at them as guests, separately I invite those that are coming several times a year and wouldn't dream of making them pay. Christmas Day is different.

At Christmas (it's the whole day with everyone but me stuffing their faces. I can't eat or drink any of it) the reason it's held in my home is because it's the only one large enough. DH and I both have chef backgrounds so we know they're being fed a restaurant quality meal in comfortable surroundings. I'd love it to be held elsewhere (we spend days preparing) and if all I had to do was cough up £20 each for a whole day's food and drink I'd be delighted.

Yarrawonga · 01/12/2022 18:28

I’m also a culinary control freak so I’d want to sort canapés, starters, the main event, puddings, wine and chocolates myself rather than have to contend with the indignity of random contributions

That’s why it’s important to have a chat beforehand. That way the contributions aren’t random and dignity is retained.