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Original poster

Charging Family for Christmas Dinner

222 replies

RoachPussy · 01/12/2022 15:39

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

OP posts:
AriettyHomily · 01/12/2022 16:10

We always end up hosting, biggest house but it's a pita. I wouldn't ask for cash though, they can bring what they what to drink and deserts / starters.

Floralnomad · 01/12/2022 16:11

If she can’t afford to cater for everyone , which is fair enough some people can’t , then the socially acceptable thing to do is to ask different guests to provide parts of the meal not to ask for money .

greenhousegal · 01/12/2022 16:12

OK to ask for food/drink contribution and to be specific about what to bring. Not OK to charge cash for it, just no in my book.

Better not to host than ask for money. I personally couldn't do that, I would be too embarrassed to ask, but would not hesitate to ask for an element of the meal to be brought instead, and most people would be fine with that. Like bringing a bottle of wine/chocs to a dinner party. But who pays cash to a dinner party host?

Suedomin · 01/12/2022 16:14

I would never charge. I might ask for a good contribution or ask them to bring crackers, chocolate, the cheese course etc. But I would never ask for money

maddiemookins16mum · 01/12/2022 16:15

I would never charge in that way.
I’d do this…
Mum - can you bring a starter and some soft drinks?
I’ll do all the main course
Brothers - are you able to bring some wine/beers?
Sister - how do you feel about bringing the pudding/cream etc?
Job done.

RewildingAmbridge · 01/12/2022 16:15

We've never done it before but this year DM and I will go and do a Christmas day food shop and we've said we, my parents and DB/SIL will split the cost 3 ways. I guess she's totted up how much it will cost and that's your share.
This year is different financially even for those who are not desperately struggling

NotQuiteUsual · 01/12/2022 16:17

As long as they're totally upfront it's absolutely fair. It's a big commitment, in money and time. I'd pay a family member £20 a head to remove the stress and bother of planning it. Or have the dinner be in place of their gifts if that worked out a similar amount.

Byelaws · 01/12/2022 16:17

Oh no this is very naff, if understandable.

It would be far more hospitable to ask people to bring items, person A bring some wine, person B bring cheese and biscuits.

Abraxan · 01/12/2022 16:18

I don't think there is anything wrong with splitting the costs of such a big, and often expensive meal, especially if one person ends up hosting every year,

It sounds weird when it's stated as a ' per head' meal charge, but not really if everyone got together and worked out how much it'll cost and decided to split the costs x number of ways.

Tbh it's not really any different to situations where people decided to split the courses - so one family bring starts, another main meal another the trimmings, another desserts, another the wine, etc.

Puddywoodycat · 01/12/2022 16:26

I can imagine my DH family issuing such an order and getting people's backs up.

However in my family it would be more a. Discussion what does everyone fancy doing etc...I'm a little short of ££ at moment..I'm happy to host but would anyone mind helping me out " and go from there so it's all joint.

stuntbubbles · 01/12/2022 16:28

Doesn’t it entirely depend on income, outgoings, and budget? When I go to my parents, they host, they pay, but we bring – aside from bonhomie – fancy chocolates and a host gift. This year I’m hosting and I am paying for everything. But my parents and I can afford to do that (yes I check my privilege).

Food has gone up massively, so has energy. Whoever hosts will take a financial hit, even if someone else brings pudding. If they can’t afford to pay for everyone, a contribution is reasonable – I think £20 sounds like it takes the edge off the total, rather than being “and here’s your share down to the penny”.

DNBU · 01/12/2022 16:30

I host every year… usually everyone brings something - wine, cheese, desserts
otherwise it’s £200+ for one person

pilates · 01/12/2022 16:30

Absolutely not. Fair enough if someone wants to bring a cheeseboard or dessert to help out.

Original poster
RoachPussy · 01/12/2022 16:31

Some of these posts where the extended family all chip in bringing something sound so lovely. I’d never considered it but you have made me realise it’s quite common and I think would make it easier and more special.

OP posts:
SeatonCarew · 01/12/2022 16:33

This year the cost of cranking up the heating and cooking the meal alone will not be cheap for whoever's hosting. Guests should remember that and if possible bring what they can to lighten the load.

snugglyblanket · 01/12/2022 16:33

I think a lot depends on how it was requested. If it is seen as 'charging' then I can see how it would feel off, however if she was asked to 'contribute' towards costs then that sounds more fair. Essentially the same thing, different perception.

Hosting can cost quite a bit, it isn't just the cost of food. I had to buy extra cutlery this year, plus extra plates, glasses & mats previous years and new crackers, etc each year. We even bought a bigger table to seat everyone. Our choice but still an extra cost. Plus this year we'll be factoring in the higher cost of cooking, heating, etc on top of the increasing cost of food. It all mounts up.

I tend to split the cost of food with DM and anyone else who joins is asked to bring something small like a dessert or drink that they like, though DB tends to turn up empty handed with his DC and disappear before dishes are mentioned lol

I think £20 is fine. It probably could have been worded a bit better. It's really only fair that everyone chips in if everyone is going to be eating. Why should one person shoulder all of the cost as well as the prep?

StillWeRise · 01/12/2022 16:34

very reasonable to expect a contribution of some sort and perhaps she was waiting for it to be offered, and it wasn't?
I get that it's much more usual for people to offer to bring cheese/wine/pudding etc BUT I can imagine having family members whose choice of eg cheese might not be mine (and nothing worse than disappointing food that you have to be polite about, so it may also be a question of quality control

LBFseBrom · 01/12/2022 16:34

Never in a million years would I charge any guests for a meal at my house. If I couldn't afford to host, I wouldn't do it. Nobody has ever charged me either. People usually bring something as a token of appreciation or send on afterwards.

At Christmas most people buy more food than they can eat within a couple of days so if they share it, it helps.

ComtesseDeSpair · 01/12/2022 16:37

I don’t see the problem. It costs to be a host. Asking everyone to contribute a dish is great for a casual potluck supper but not for a timed meal where different things need in and out of the oven and if Aunt Sharon is late arriving there’ll be no roast potatoes, or no salmon if your forgetful brother forgets it, and you don’t trust your sister in law not to go off piste with the vegetarian option and make something other than what you asked for.

123woop · 01/12/2022 16:40

It's very odd to ask for cash imo! Normally people would say "oh you bring the pudding" or "you sort the booze" etc, to ask for cash is quite strange.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 01/12/2022 16:41

I can believe that a lot of people under economic pressure this year might only be able to host if they get a financial contribution. A contribution of some cheese and a tub of Quality Street might not be enough. But better to have an open conversation about it than just billing guests out of the blue.

ZenNudist · 01/12/2022 16:41

Well that's a bargain. It will cost way more . I wouldn't ask for money but in my family we buy different parts of the meal so dad is getting the turkey beef and ham. I'm bringing lots of nice cheeses dsis will get Christmas pudding and bake mince pies. MIL is hosting and will get everything else but we will all bring extra booze we fancy.

GlassDeli · 01/12/2022 16:47

No of course you shouldn't charge guests! However a guest can always offer to bring a cake, pudding, wine, chocolates etc.

stopringingme · 01/12/2022 16:49

When we used to spend Christmas Day with my Parents, I used to go and buy everything and then we split the bill down the middle.

I didn't feel it was right that my pensioner parents should shop and pay for everything even though they invited us.

So I think it is fair that everyone chips in.

Yarrawonga · 01/12/2022 16:57

We get together beforehand and sort out who will bring what. I’m not sure I would be happy being asked for cash instead, although £20 doesn’t sound unreasonable given the overall cost to the host.