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Original poster

Charging Family for Christmas Dinner

222 replies

RoachPussy · 01/12/2022 15:39

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

OP posts:
mam0918 · 01/12/2022 18:34

Our xmas dinner barely costs more than £20... now granted we do Cheesy Pasta instead of a Turkey (so that could double the price) but the veg and stuff costs very little.

Jaybird43 · 01/12/2022 18:39

Whenever we have Christmas dinner with either my family or DHs family, we always bring something as a contribution to the meal, because expecting someone to fork out for a turkey / trimmings / puddings and drink, as well as cook and host, is an awful lot. Last year, DH and I bought the turkey and drinks, my SIL and BIL bought puddings and MIL did the trimmings. It’s only a fair and reasonable expectation

Longsight2019 · 01/12/2022 18:45

I have a pair of Uncles who have been going to my parents for Sunday dinner at least once a month and Christmas dinner for as long as we can remember and neither of them have ever offered to contribute, but the meat, bring a bottle, chocolates or anything. And I think that’s disgraceful.

However, their behaviour on this has never been challenged and they are oblivious in many ways, not just this.

It would be nice if the contribution was unspoken but warm and generous. Then maybe she wouldn’t need to ‘charge’.

Eek3under3 · 01/12/2022 18:45

My aunty used to charge £50pp (20 years ago). She hosted once every 3 years and was never asked to pay at other houses. It seemed a bit tight…

AliceMcK · 01/12/2022 18:51

I think it fully depends on the family dynamics and situation. I’d never charge anyone who I’d invite for dinner, but I’d also never invite people over if I couldn’t afford to feed them. Id also never turn up anywhere empty handed, I’d make sure I’d bring things to contribute to the meal/occasion.

I can totally understand if someone hosts Christmas dinner every year it would get very expensive, even one year if there are a lot of people, especially in the current climate.

My SIL regularly hosts big family dinners including Christmas but very rarely asks for anything to be brought, she likes it and can afford to feed everyone. My cousin hosts a big Christmas lunch every year, it’s an open free for all and a bit of a day care centre, that side of the family all work in zero contract hours and a lot work in care jobs and have very little money, so everyone contributes cash towards the day, and even if they have to work they will leave their children at my cousins house and join everyone when they have finished work. It works for them and everyone is happy.

Whichwhatnow · 01/12/2022 18:57

We're all going to my sister's and she's asked for £20 per couple. I had originally offered to bring pudding or meat or something but she and her fiance are amazing cooks and would prefer to have control over the menu. Fair enough by me, Xmas dinner can be expensive (and it's being cooked for me!). Bargain imo!

RitaSueandBobtwo · 01/12/2022 18:58

I think its fine. If left to bring a contribution and someone say brings a cheap version, incorrect version or not enough of X or you end up with far too much of Y it can be really stressful and not much help to the host. In terms of cost, convenience and relieving stress on the day.

I would be happy either way to either contribute to meal or bring a specific dish or dishes and I would probably also bring some alcohol and or chocolates or a small gift for the host/hostess to show my appreciation either on the day or send afterwards.

Everyone does things differently and people have different budgets and family dynamics no right or wrong.

siucra · 01/12/2022 19:03

I think you should just pay and stop whinging, frankly. Or don't go. Cooking, shopping, hosting is exhausting. And expensive. Just go, pay, be a brilliant guest, help out and be glad you have somewhere to go.

MooFroo · 01/12/2022 19:07

Very reasonable, and more should do it if struggling with the costs!
We have a couple of family occasions a year, same couple of people host and honestly it’s so much effort with extra work, cleaning, time to do the shopping, all the small things that add up and we’ve now said we’ll split the cost between each family for future gatherings. When we used to split up the food, one family would bring something worth a fiver which was unfair on everyone else who’d spent a lot more!

PiggyInTheLidl · 01/12/2022 19:14

This crops up every year on MN.

Some people view it as ‘charging people’ and get in a huff, as if their relatives are fleecing them, and being rude.

In our family, we see it as sharing, spreading the load, chipping in collectively and not leaving one part of the family with a massive bill. Sharing makes it feel more Christmassy, and more ‘family’. Why wouldn’t we?

Hosting Christmas can cost a couple of hundred. Our family Christmas more. Two big dinners involving a big rib of top quality beef, a free range turkey, all the accompaniments, good cheeses, a Christmas pud is expensive to make, champagne, wines that compliment the food, port, pudding wine… for 11 of us.

Hardly fair if it always falls on the ones that have enough space.

Georgyporky · 01/12/2022 19:14

Never forgotten the Xmas I asked 3 adult step-children to bring different things.
The 2 men brought lots of M&S canapes & 2 gorgeous gateaux. Wonderful.

DSD brought a bag of spuds & a bag of sprouts - she arrived about 30 minutes before dinner-time so no time to prep & cook.

I cooked some oven-chips - we had about 5-6 each - & some frozen peas - less than a tablespoon each.

I didn't say a word, her brothers said it all for me.

NoSquirrels · 01/12/2022 19:19

We’re hosting this year, and my SIL is more than happy to buy and pay for a selection of desserts, cheese, nibbles and contribute some drinks. We’ll do the main course and everyone’s happy. The thing with catering a big meal like Christmas dinner is that someone bringing ‘a couple of vegetable dishes’ or starters is that oven and kitchen prep space is limited - it can really be stressful if they’re trying to add their things. Better to have a really clear definition of roles - and that’s where a monetary contribution comes in. Nowt wrong with it. For a lot of people hosting on Christmas Day isn’t as ‘optional’ as some are making out!

The only people who don't think it's reasonable are the ones that never host so don't appreciate how expensive it is to expect one person or one couple to pay for it all.

This is true in my experience.

suzyscat · 01/12/2022 19:29

My friends and I used to do a roast where we'd all contribute cash and then share jobs. Often cook between houses and have a huge roast for 7-20 people. It was brilliant. I'm hugely squeamish about talking about/ asking for money but I don't think we should be. Money is tied up with manners or emotive/ awkward in other cultures.

CourtneeLuv · 01/12/2022 19:29

RoachPussy · 01/12/2022 15:39

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

I give my mum money. And when we have a roast or a big family dinner for a bday or something. Why should she swallow all the cost, we're all eating, and she cooks it.

Sharlala · 01/12/2022 19:56

I think it's fair. Name changed to say my (working, wealthy) IL's are tight bastards and don't contribute a penny, morsel, invite back or even a thank you when they turn up for dinner for the past decade! despite one not liking turkey so needing a chicken breast or similar and the other needing a nut roast. it really adds up with sides, drinks, nibbles etc and I'm getting a bit resentful (if it's not obvious...)

DH wouldn't dream of asking them outright for money or food even when we're struggling to feed the mouths we have. Christmas day will be massively scaled back to something within our budget and we'll eat our small turkey crown on new years.

JustLyra · 01/12/2022 20:06

I think it’s fair.

We “host” Christmas every year. In reality Christmas is at our house as we’re the only ones with enough space for everyone, plus we’re close enough to MIL’s house and BIL’s house that everyone can have a bed or air bed space.

With most people travelling it’s simply easier if we order all the food and the likes. Then everyone pays a split of the cost.

Our family wouldn’t dream of expecting to be fed and watered every single year without making a contribution. It was them that insisted on it after the second year. 20-26 people costs a lot to feed and water!

The only person that ever had an issue with it was a girlfriend of BIL’s. She had a real chip on her shoulder about us “charging” for Christmas dinner. She genuinely expected Xmas Eve dinner, Christmas Day breakfast and dinner, Boxing Day buffet and all drinks should be on us every single year. For her and her parents!

OrpingtonWings · 01/12/2022 20:08

My Mum’s sent me money forwards Xmas meal and she isn’t even coming to ours she’s going to my sister’s! She’s contributing to their Xmas meal so insists on making sure she sends me the same. It’s very sweet and I plan to do similar for my kids.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 01/12/2022 20:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

surreygirl1987 · 01/12/2022 20:25

I would never charge people for Christmas dinner.

jannier · 01/12/2022 20:28

mam0918 · 01/12/2022 18:34

Our xmas dinner barely costs more than £20... now granted we do Cheesy Pasta instead of a Turkey (so that could double the price) but the veg and stuff costs very little.

Have you seen the prices of Turkeys....you could eat cheesy pasta all month and have change

RedToothBrush · 01/12/2022 20:28

Sounds to me like she has a mum who she wants to host and would do regardless, and then flaky siblings who take Christmas for granted that her or her mum will host leaving both out of pocket and having to do all the work every single year without ever taking a turn.

It seems reasonable to me, especially this year.

Cornelious · 01/12/2022 20:43

It's fine. My sil invited us for Xmas day a few years back. It was easier to have at hers as PIL lived nearby (we were 3 hours away). I offered to contribute towards the dinner/ overall snacks. Paid £100. Myself, dh and baby. Food was shit and no snacks I liked 😭. But I'd still offer to contribute again. Personally i wouldn't accept money from anyone coming to my house as I'd want to host properly and so it my way! I'd ask them to bring a bottle or a nice desert/ cheese board though.

ICanHideButICantRun · 01/12/2022 20:47

Suedomin · 01/12/2022 16:14

I would never charge. I might ask for a good contribution or ask them to bring crackers, chocolate, the cheese course etc. But I would never ask for money

The problem is that people can't be relied on to bring the right thing - some people will always buy the cheapest thing. Everyone knows the person who brings a bottle of something nobody likes to a party, drinks everything in sight and goes home with his bottle.

ICanHideButICantRun · 01/12/2022 20:47

I bet none of those people would think twice about spending £20 on a takeaway.

cakewitch · 01/12/2022 20:59

We always share costs for christmas dinner, and for boxing day too.It's just a given thing in our family..For me, on here, I find it odd the language used. All this stuff about "charging" family members for Christmas Dinner?? ..its polite to chip in surely? And not just a bottle of wine either.