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Original poster

Charging Family for Christmas Dinner

222 replies

RoachPussy · 01/12/2022 15:39

My colleague told me yesterday that her sister has invited her for Christmas Day dinner but wants to charge her £20 towards the meal. She can’t believe it and has so far told her she’ll think about it and get back to her Her sister has also invited their mother who isn’t charged and two brothers who are. I can’t imagine charging a guest, especially family, I’d even go so far as telling them to just bring themselves if they asked if I wanted anything bringing. I usually cook Christmas Day but go to family every 3rd year but I don't know if I’d go if they wanted payment from me. Am I out of touch? Is this a common thing to charge family for dinner? I save through the year for Christmas gifts and food but am I the exception? Would you/do you charge and/or pay family?

OP posts:
NCTDN · 02/12/2022 08:36

I'm in agreement with others that in the past I'd have said no, but with cost of living these days I think it's totally fine.

LouLou198 · 02/12/2022 08:37

With costs being as high as they are at the moment I think it's reasonable. The host has not only got the cost of food/drink to think about but the cost of the extra electricity and gas that will be used having the oven on for hours. I would be happy to pay, it would cost me treble that to eat out where we are.

GinForTheWinnn · 02/12/2022 08:38

The cost of food has shot up this year, along with the cost of electricity to cook the food, provide the light/Xmas lights, gas to heat the guests, etc. Even if they've not needed to ask for money previously, it's completely understandable that they do this year.

We all descend on one family members house each Xmas. They mostly do all of the shopping, we then split the bill and bank transfer our share. I'm also going to add a bit extra this year to go towards gas/Elec usage. I personally find it weird that people wouldn't want to pay their way, especially in the current situation.

Sennelier1 · 02/12/2022 08:42

Depends a bit on how big a do it is at your sister's I think. After all, she does all the work (kitchen and table), and if she goes full-out on food and drinks I can understand she asks for a contribution. Untill a few years ago we (about 50 persons in the family) had a yearly christmas lunch in a hired venue with a kitchen. We always split the costs.

Awoooga · 02/12/2022 08:43

I’d never ask for contributions as a host, but if I was going elsewhere for Christmas and the host wanted £20, I’d be relieved. It would save me spending more than that on crates of beer, a few bottles of Prosecco, nibbles and whatever else I’d intended to contribute with. Rocking up with £20 is a great deal IMO.

Mimmi78 · 02/12/2022 08:44

We have always happily divided the day between us all (10 of us kids and adults!) We plan the menu, drinks and little touches. Dad sometimes gets a bit overexcited with a spreadsheet 😂 but it's fair and the bill for ten is easily £1000 plus but combining together at one house etc, lasting around 3-4 days and always leaving with armfuls of leftover cheese and booze, makes is economical and fun to involve us all and have everyone do some of the prep, shopping and planning. This is somewhat different though from one person doing absolutely everything and others just chucking money in the pot! Why not embrace it and say, let's properly divide out the tasks, shop and financial responsibilities. Unless your relative has pots of money, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a contribution

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 02/12/2022 08:45

Being ridiculously British I don't think as a host it's the best manners to ask for cash. However any good guest would realise that hosting Christmas dinner is expensive and offer to help out in whatever way the host would find most helpful, whether by chipping in cash or ordering the turkey or bringing all the booze.

We're hosting this year and although I don't want anything bringing (the best bit of hosting us getting to choose!) I would be stunned if people don't offer.

WakingUpDistress · 02/12/2022 08:46

I don’t believe a lot if people have actually done that.

Lots if talk on MN that if they were skint, they would and it’s not a lot etc…. In RL though, people just don’t ask fir money. What they would (and we’ve done that as a family many times) is to ask people to bring something.
For us, it means: One person brings desserts , the other some meat, MIL usually handles the vegs. Cooking done at MIL. (Because she has the most space).
And Yes MIL would ASK people to bring something rather than wait for her dd or ds to ask if they can bring something….

WeekendWorker · 02/12/2022 08:48

Interesting that most people think £20 is cheap yet when faced with paying £60 to eat Christmas lunch out most people think it's too expensive. Even though there are Christmas day wages to pay out of that.

Anyhoo, I'd happily pay ANYONE (at least) £20 to have my mother for Xmas day 🤣

Shed66 · 02/12/2022 08:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn by MNHQ

mezlou84 · 02/12/2022 08:48

We don't charge family and my mam doesn't either but for past few years we have bought the main meat as a contribution to the meal. Food is very expensive atm as well as the gas and electric to cook the meal. It will be around £20 as we all have beef and our asd son and daughter only eat gammon lol so 2 different meats my mam has to cook. Either contributing money or food is something we should offer as good manners whether it is taken up or not.

Managinggenzoclock · 02/12/2022 08:52

We always split the cost of Christmas regardless of who is hosting. It’s horrendously expensive (£20 is nothing!) and we don’t want to burden the host with all the cost.

Managinggenzoclock · 02/12/2022 08:53

Mimmi78 · 02/12/2022 08:44

We have always happily divided the day between us all (10 of us kids and adults!) We plan the menu, drinks and little touches. Dad sometimes gets a bit overexcited with a spreadsheet 😂 but it's fair and the bill for ten is easily £1000 plus but combining together at one house etc, lasting around 3-4 days and always leaving with armfuls of leftover cheese and booze, makes is economical and fun to involve us all and have everyone do some of the prep, shopping and planning. This is somewhat different though from one person doing absolutely everything and others just chucking money in the pot! Why not embrace it and say, let's properly divide out the tasks, shop and financial responsibilities. Unless your relative has pots of money, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a contribution

Exactly this!

Thisbastardcomputer · 02/12/2022 08:54

I've never charged but after years of hosting my divorced brother his daughter and my mother.

One year I asked her to bring nibbles and him to bring dessert. She brought nothing (didn't know what I meant, although I served nibbles every year and there are trays full in the supermarket). He brought dessert, it had the price on, .99p.

I never invited them again.

DilemmaDelilah · 02/12/2022 08:58

I think charging is dreadful. However a contribution of food or drink is sensible and I don't see a problem in asking for that - in our family we would always ask what we should bring anyway. I'm taking the pudding and the drinks when we go to my daughter's this year.

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 02/12/2022 08:59

We have an email list that gets circulated each year. My sister and Bil have more veg etc which is cheaper (and slightly irritates me) but they stay at our parents house and do a lot of the cooking so it does roughly balance out. We've always done that.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 02/12/2022 09:00

Asking to pay is rude, asking people to contribute by bringing something is acceptable.
I cook dinner every year and my daughter will bring the wine and whatever we are having as puddding.

DilemmaDelilah · 02/12/2022 09:00

Oh - and I'm also bringing the peeled potatoes!

randomusername02 · 02/12/2022 09:03

I'm hosting for 20 people this year and have done for most years because I have a large dining room. Think parents/siblings/kids. Another reason is I worked in catering and can run a kitchen. Food costs money and cooking xmas dinner is a days hard labour 😂 Too right I ask the adults to make a financial contribution towards the cost of the food which never comes close to covering it. Would those that sneer at this just prefer everyone to stay at their own homes and miss out on each others company, and have to pay far more for their own Xmas Dinner rather than everyone contributing to it and having a great time together. Is it a condescending pisstake, look at those poor people who can't afford to pay for everyone else's meal? Is it stealth boast, look at me I can afford £100s on a meal for everyone? I really don't get the outrage over this. Is it just old fashioned British snobbery?

marmitetoastie · 02/12/2022 09:05

I think, it’s not what you do but the way you do it. If she’d have asked you & its was agreed. Springing it on you I’d uncomfortable. So no £20 isn’t a lot, or bringing things. She’s covering your mum which is nice.

so I’d see it as clumsy, not mean. It could be a family agreement each year, so when you host you do the same? So no one is overburdened with the cost of hosting.

xxx

Managinggenzoclock · 02/12/2022 09:07

I really don't get the outrage over this. Is it just old fashioned British snobbery?
Yes.
Let’s face it if you can afford to ask them to just bring a small desert or bottle of wine, you are basically paying for their contribution 10 to 1. I just don’t have that kind of relationship with my family or my husbands family. We all share. We talk. We do-ordinate with spreadsheets. The alternative is that we all stay at home and our kids (and us) miss out. None of us can just foot the bill but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to see each other.

FamBae · 02/12/2022 09:10

I remember a post last year where the poster had paid family member and was complaining about the lack of value for money 😆

Cluelessat33 · 02/12/2022 09:10

I think its perfectly reasonable. As a family we have always all chipped in with buying different bits and pieces and all contributing. We will organise a delivery or collection and split it amongst the adults. Everything is so expensive these days I can see why more people are asking. See it as a contribution to a family meal rather than being charged as a guest.

EmbarrassedMum1 · 02/12/2022 09:11

I host Christmas and charge family each year. We put in £25 per adult to cover the of the food and cooking it. We go all out for Christmas and cooking starts on the 23rd. If it were just the 3 of us the food would cost significantly less. The alternative is everyone staying home alone. Siblings that have no family yet or even partners yet would be along my mother would spend it alone after my father passes a few years back, elderly grandmother would be alone. Everyone is more than happy to chip in £25. They get collected, teas and coffees in demand, 3 course slap up meal, cheese board and booze, they won't even need to lift a finger to help the clean up. I have no shame "charging".

NoSquirrels · 02/12/2022 09:12

@Shed66 you need to start your own thread as no one will see your AIBU in the middle of this one.